Resistance: A Two Pronged Approach
I was training a client this morning, J.U.—early 60s, long-time dancer, more recent golfer. For the last year she’s been focused on improving her golf game. And like most golfers in the Pacific Northwest, she’s heading into a season with more range time and less on-course play.
She said something this morning that opened up a great discussion:
“When I’m at the range or playing alone, I’m good.
But when I start playing with other people, I’m not.”
There’s always something underneath a statement like that.
So I asked:
“Tell me more.”
She said, “I just need to control my mind so it doesn’t get in the way of my swing.”
This is a huge realization (Awareness - a first step in the self-leadership framework):
Her swing wasn’t the problem.
Her mind was — the resistance.
“What’s happening in your mind?” I asked.
“I’m thinking about not messing up.”
“And what would happen if you did mess up?”
“I think about the other people.”
“Are you worried about what they’ll think?”
“Yes… I don’t want them to think I’m bad or let them down because I’m not as good as them.”
There it was — the resistance:
Fear of other people’s opinions.
As sport psychologist Dr. Michael Gervais says,
“The greatest constrictor of human performance.”
We didn’t go deep into solutions today, but the resistance was found — and once you can track it, you can work with it.
There are two ways to navigate this type of resistance:
1. The Top-Down Approach
Work with the thinking
This is the quick-access, in-the-moment strategy.
Your thoughts are not the problem — your attachment to them is.
Two simple tools:
LABEL
When the worry shows up:
“Don’t mess up… they’re watching… don’t embarrass yourself…”
Label it:
“Unhelpful.”
Let it pass.
We don’t control the thoughts that enter our mind.
We control which ones stay.
REPLACE
Insert a pre-planned thought that reconnects you to your capability.
This could be a word, phrase, image, or a personal “Game Face.”
Dan Abrahams, Sports Psychologist, teaches a simple model: pick 2–3 words that embody your best performance.
When I played competitive soccer, mine were:
Smooth. Aggressive. ’Dinho.
Movement quality. Mindset. Model.
These anchor you back to the present and your best performance state.
Top-down tools work.
But they’re not one-and-done.
You’ll use them repeatedly — and over time the mind stops sending the same volume of noise.
2. The Bottom-Up Approach
Work with the body: emotions, sensations, beliefs
Those unhelpful thoughts are driven by something deeper — usually fear.
Fear produces a physiological response:
tightness
nausea
nerves
buzzing
pressure in the chest
jaw tension
If you identify the sensation, you can release it through:
breathwork
movement
grounding
somatic techniques
When the sensation releases, the thought loses its fuel.
This is also an “in the moment” tool but reaches deeper than the thinking layer.
The Deeper Work (Where the Real Change Lives)
What core belief is generating the fear of other people’s opinions?
Is it:
“My worth is tied to my performance.”
“I need to be good to belong.”
“Mistakes make me unlikable.”
“If I’m not the best, I don’t deserve to be here.”
These beliefs aren’t formed on the golf course.
They show up there.
I’m not a psychologist, but part of my job is to help clients get to the doorway.
To recognize the resistance.
To name it.
To feel it.
To begin working with it.
If you want to truly navigate the fear of other people’s opinions, you need both:
Top-down: Working with the thinking
Bottom-up: Working with the emotions, sensations, and core beliefs
That’s the only way the internal resistance stops hijacking the external performance.
Because the real swing isn’t made with the club.
It’s made when the mind and body are anchored in the present.
If you need help getting there — Start Here.