The Middle Path

Why You Don’t Have to Hit Rock Bottom — And You Don’t Have to Wait for a Lightning Bolt

People love to say there are two paths to change.

Pain pushes you.
Purpose pulls you.

You either hit rock bottom — or you’re inspired by a powerful vision of who you want to become.

It makes for a clean story.

But most people don’t live in clean stories.

They live in the gray.

The pain isn’t catastrophic. It’s just a dull ache.
The body is softer. Energy lower. Patience thinner.
The relationship isn’t broken. Just disconnected.
The career isn’t miserable. Just misaligned.

And purpose? It’s not a lightning bolt. It’s a whisper.

So they wait.

They wait for the diagnosis.
The ultimatum.
The embarrassment.
The moment life forces clarity.

They wait to be pushed.

Or they wait to feel pulled.

But what if there’s a third path?

The Gray Zone Where Most People Live

There’s a quiet middle ground most people inhabit for years.

They know something’s off.
They know they could be better.
They know they’re drifting.

But it’s not bad enough to demand change.

And it’s not inspiring enough to feel urgent.

So they sit.

This isn’t laziness.

It’s ambiguity.

Behavioral psychology actually supports this. Research on behavior change consistently shows that people are more likely to act when either perceived threat becomes high (pain) or perceived value becomes emotionally salient (purpose). When neither is intense, motivation remains low.

James Prochaska’s Stages of Change model describes this as “contemplation.” People know something should change, but they aren’t yet committed to action. They hover.

The gray zone is psychologically comfortable because it doesn’t force identity disruption.

But it’s also where slow decline happens.

Why We Wait for Pain

Pain is clarifying.

It simplifies the equation.

When the doctor says your blood pressure is high.
When your partner says they’re done.
When you can’t keep up with your kids.

Suddenly, action becomes obvious.

Neuroscience supports this too. The brain is wired for threat detection. Loss aversion — a concept studied extensively by behavioral economists like Daniel Kahneman — tells us that humans are more motivated to avoid loss than to pursue equivalent gains.

Pain mobilizes.

But waiting for pain means you’re surrendering leadership to crisis.

Why We Wait for Purpose

Purpose feels better.

It’s cleaner. More aspirational.

“I want to run a marathon.”
“I want to be the kind of father my kids look up to.”
“I want to build something meaningful.”

But purpose rarely arrives fully formed.

Self-Determination Theory (Deci & Ryan) shows that intrinsic motivation — motivation driven by values and internal meaning — is powerful and sustainable. But here’s the nuance: intrinsic motivation deepens through engagement.

You don’t sit around and discover your life’s purpose.

You take steps.
You experiment.
You notice what feels aligned.
You refine.

Purpose is not found.
It’s constructed.

Waiting for purpose to strike before acting is like waiting to feel fit before going to the gym.

The Third Path: Conscious Movement in the Gray

The middle path isn’t dramatic.

It doesn’t require collapse.
It doesn’t require inspiration.

It requires awareness.

The willingness to say:

“I don’t feel terrible yet… but I don’t feel aligned either.”
“I don’t have a grand vision… but I know this isn’t it.”
“I don’t need to hit bottom to justify growth.”

That’s maturity.

And it takes more leadership than either extreme.

Because in the gray zone, you don’t have urgency.
You don’t have crisis.
You don’t have adrenaline.

You have choice.

Action Precedes Clarity

There’s strong psychological support for this idea.

Behavioral Activation — a well-researched therapeutic approach used to treat depression — is built on one core principle:

Action creates momentum and emotional clarity.

You don’t wait to feel motivated.

You move first.

Then the feeling follows.

The same is true for purpose.

You don’t uncover meaning by thinking about it endlessly.

You uncover it by acting and noticing resonance.

The gray area isn’t a trap.

It’s an invitation.

The Real Question

The question isn’t:

“How bad does it have to get?”

And it’s not:

“When will I feel inspired enough?”

It’s:

“Am I willing to move before it gets worse — and before I’m fully certain?”

That’s a quieter kind of courage.

Less dramatic.
More mature.
More sustainable.

It’s Internal Leadership.

Why This Matters in Health and Fitness

Most people don’t change their health because they’re not in enough pain.

They’re not sick.
They’re not immobile.
They’re just slightly off.

And purpose feels abstract.

So they wait.

But what if you didn’t need the diagnosis?

What if you didn’t need the embarrassment?

What if you didn’t need a life-altering vision?

What if you just needed to move?

Lift three days a week.
Walk consistently.
Sleep better.
Eat slightly more intentionally.

Small actions taken in the gray build both clarity and momentum.

And that’s how you prevent pain instead of reacting to it.

The Middle Path Is Leadership

Pain will push you if you wait long enough.

Purpose will pull you if you search long enough.

But the middle path asks something different:

Move now.
Refine as you go.
Let clarity emerge from motion.

That’s not reactive change.

That’s conscious change.

And maybe the gray zone isn’t a place to escape.

Maybe it’s the exact place where leadership begins.

Dude, It’s Not About Age

155 pounds slams into the rack on the 10th rep.
Metal hits metal.
A hard exhale.
A slow rise from the bench.

“Damn, I’m getting old.”

I hear that line weekly. And it’s almost never about age.

Ten years ago, D.R. was pushing 225 for reps.

I know because that’s the story he told immediately after.
When 225 was a regular set of 10.
When he was under 10% body fat.
When everything was “dialed.”

But that ain’t today.

Today, 155 is work.
And today he felt it. The gap.

The space between what he used to be capable of and what he can do now.

That gap stings. And “I’m getting old” is a convenient explanation.

It’s clean.
It removes responsibility.
It softens the edge of what’s really being felt.

Because he wasn’t feeling age in that moment.

He was feeling drift.

The Weight of Drift

Drift doesn’t happen dramatically.

It’s not one bad year.
It’s not one missed season.
It’s not one busy cycle.

It’s small choices stacking quietly in the wrong direction.

Training that gets less consistent.
Recovery that gets postponed.
Stress managed with food or distraction.
Other priorities that feel urgent enough to push the body down the list.

Until one day, the bar feels heavier than it used to. And suddenly, the evidence is undeniable.

There’s emotional residue in that moment.

Shame for the years of drifting.
Embarrassment that it’s visible.
Sadness for what feels lost.
Anger directed inward.

But instead of naming any of that…

“I’m getting old” bypasses the truth.

It keeps you safe from feeling the weight of your choices. And avoiding those feelings keeps you from ever making real change.

Because if you don’t take responsibility for the drift, you’ll drift again and blame age, stress, work, kids… whatever takes the sting away.

And the worst part?

Deep down, you know you’re bullshitting yourself.

That tightness in your chest when you shift responsibility somewhere else?

That’s not age. That’s your true self calling out your ego.

The Split-Second Decision

In moments like that, I have a choice. Do I let it go and focus on the workout? Do I call it out and risk him getting defensive? Do I ask what’s underneath and give him permission to be seen? Or does that just make the workout heavier than the weight on the bar?

Sometimes I stay quiet.
Sometimes I lean in.

This week, I stayed quiet and let him relive the glory days.

But what I’m learning is this:

It’s not about correcting the statement. It’s about staying close enough to the moment that if he wants to go deeper, there’s space. Because it’s rarely about getting back to 225.

It’s about whether he’s done drifting.

Age Is Inevitable. Drift Isn’t.

Age happens.
Bodies change.
Recovery shifts.
Margins narrow.

That’s real.

But drift is optional.

Drift is what happens when we avoid looking at the gap.
When we soften the truth instead of facing it.
When we blame time instead of choices.

The barbell tells the truth.

It doesn’t care about your title.
Your income.
Your former PRs.
Your stories about who you used to be.

It reflects what you’ve been practicing.

And that reflection can either sting…
or wake you up.

The men who rebuild don’t deny the gap. They own it.

They say:

“Yeah. I drifted. And it brings up some uncomfortable shit.”

Then they choose not to drift anymore.

Honest enough to own it.
Courageous enough to feel it.
Committed enough to act before more years quietly stack up.

That’s a different kind of strength.

Question for you to sit with today:

What statement are you using to avoid responsibility in your life right now?

Men Don’t Fail Randomly

They Default to Predictable Avoidance Patterns

Most men don’t fail at health and fitness because they’re lazy, undisciplined, or broken.

They fail because when resistance shows up, they default to the same internal protection strategies they’ve been using for years.

These strategies are not character flaws.
They’re not moral shortcomings.
They’re not a lack of information.

They are ways the nervous system learned to regulate discomfort when leadership wasn’t available.

And they are remarkably predictable.

Once you know the patterns, you start seeing them everywhere — especially in health and fitness, where resistance shows up daily and quietly.

Avoidance Isn’t Random — It’s Archetypal

When discomfort appears — hunger, fatigue, embarrassment, stress, self-doubt — the system looks for relief.

If a man hasn’t developed the skill of Internal Leadership, he doesn’t choose a response.

He defaults.

Below are eight common avoidance archetypes I see over and over again. Most men recognize themselves in more than one. One or two usually dominate.

1. The Escape Artist

Escapes discomfort through stimulation or sedation

This man knows what he “should” do — but when discomfort hits, he checks out.

Food.
Alcohol.
Scrolling.
Porn.
Late-night TV.

In health and fitness, this shows up as:
He eats well all day, then mindlessly snacks at night.
He skips workouts after stressful days.
He tells himself he “earned it.”

This isn’t lack of discipline.
It’s emotion regulation without awareness.

Numbing works fast.
It also erodes self-trust quietly.

2. The Busy Man

Fills every moment to avoid stillness

This man is always “on.”

Work.
Family.
Projects.
Errands.
Commitments.

Stillness is threatening because it invites emotion.

In health and fitness, this looks like:
“I just don’t have time.”
“I’ll train when things slow down.”
“Life is crazy right now.”

Training disappears not because time is unavailable — but because slowing down would force him to feel something he’s been outrunning.

Busyness protects him from inner contact.

3. The Overthinker

Analyzes to avoid emotional exposure

This man knows everything.

He’s read the books.
Watched the videos.
Compared the plans.

But he rarely executes consistently.

In fitness, this looks like:
Constantly changing programs.
Debating optimal macros instead of eating.
Researching instead of training.

Thinking feels productive — and safer than doing.

Because action brings feedback.
And feedback brings emotion.

4. The Optimizer

Chases better systems to avoid commitment

This man is always one tweak away.

A better app.
A better tracker.
A better plan.
A better routine.

In health and fitness, he says:
“Once I find the right program, I’ll lock in.”
“I just need a system that fits my life.”

But the real resistance isn’t the system.

It’s commitment — because commitment removes the exit ramp.

5. The Critic

Uses shame to control behavior

This man believes harshness equals discipline.

He motivates himself through self-attack:
“I’m pathetic.”
“I should be better than this.”
“What’s wrong with me?”

In fitness, this shows up as:
Extreme restriction followed by rebound.
Punitive workouts after missed days.
All-or-nothing cycles.

Shame can create short-term compliance.

Long-term, it creates avoidance, burnout, and disconnection.

6. The Lone Wolf

Withdraws to avoid being seen

This man prides himself on independence.

He doesn’t ask for help.
He doesn’t want accountability.
He doesn’t want anyone watching.

In health and fitness:
He trains alone — inconsistently.
He avoids gyms or group settings.
He quits quietly when things get hard.

Being unseen protects him from judgment — and from support.

7. The Redbull

Relies on bursts instead of consistency

This man goes hard… briefly.

Extreme workouts.
Aggressive diets.
Big declarations.

Then disappears.

In fitness, this looks like:
Six brutal weeks followed by months off.
Injuries.
Burnout.
Repeated “fresh starts.”

Intensity creates momentum without presence.

Consistency requires leadership.

8. The Tomorrow Man

Postpones leadership indefinitely

This man is always about to begin.

After this week.
After this project.
After this season.

In health and fitness:
“I’ll start in January.”
“I just need to get through this month.”
“Now isn’t the right time.”

Delay feels responsible.
It’s often fear wearing a calendar.

The Unifying Truth

Every one of these patterns has the same root.

They are attempts to regulate emotion without leadership.

They worked at some point.
They reduced discomfort.
They helped the man survive a previous chapter.

But what protects you early will limit you later.

Avoidance works in the short term.
It erodes self-trust in the long term.

Why Health and Fitness Expose These Patterns So Clearly

Health and fitness demand repeated, daily engagement with resistance.

Hunger.
Fatigue.
Self-consciousness.
Boredom.
Emotion.

You can’t hide for long.

That’s why fitness isn’t just physical.

It’s a mirror.

Not of character — but of coping.

The Shift Isn’t to Try Harder

It’s to Lead Internally

The solution isn’t to eliminate these archetypes.

It’s to recognize them without shame.

Internal Leadership begins when a man can say:
“This is my pattern.”
“This is what I default to under pressure.”
“And I’m willing to stay present instead of escaping.”

From there, real choice becomes possible.

Not perfection.
Not constant discipline.
But conscious ownership.

A Closing Reflection

When resistance shows up in your health and fitness…

Which archetype takes the wheel?

And what would change if, instead of avoiding discomfort,
you stayed with it long enough to lead yourself through it?

That’s where self-trust is rebuilt.
That’s where consistency is born.
And that’s where real change actually begins.

If you felt seen in this, these the types of discussions we dive into at The Outpost.

I’m a Fitness Professional Who Doesn’t Spend Much Time Talking About Fitness

That usually surprises people.

But the truth is, improving your health and fitness is not some mysterious or complex process. It’s not hidden behind secret programming, elite supplements, or perfectly optimized routines.

It’s actually pretty straightforward.

Eat mostly whole foods.
Eat an amount that lets you reach — and then maintain — a bodyweight that feels good.
Lift moderately heavy things with progression two or three times a week.
Go for a brisk walk with a friend for an hour a couple times a week.
And once a week, do something that makes it hard to breathe for about thirty minutes.

That’s it.

That’s the foundation.

The world does not need another “how to deadlift” video.
It does not need another eight-week muscle-building plan.
It does not need another “what I eat in a day” post.

Information isn’t the barrier anymore.

Information Has Never Been the Problem

Most people already know what to do.

They know they should move more.
They know they should eat better.
They know consistency matters more than intensity.
They know sleep, stress, and habits matter.

If information were the missing piece, we would be the healthiest society that’s ever existed.

But we’re not.

Because the real barrier isn’t access or knowledge.

It’s avoidance.

What Actually Gets in the Way

It’s easier to stuff your mouth with cheese balls than it is to come home to an empty house and sit with the feeling of loneliness.

It’s easier to tell yourself you were “too busy” to work out than it is to admit you feel embarrassed walking into the gym.

It’s easier to scroll, research, optimize, and plan than it is to just get on the floor and do some push-ups.

It’s easier to blame time, work, genetics, or motivation than it is to acknowledge the discomfort underneath the excuse.

Most people aren’t failing because they don’t know what to do.

They’re failing because when discomfort shows up, they don’t know how to be with it.

Avoidance Is the Real Habit

Avoidance doesn’t look dramatic.

It looks reasonable.

“I’ll start Monday.”
“I just need a better plan.”
“This isn’t the right season.”
“I need to feel more motivated.”
“I’ll get serious when life calms down.”

Avoidance often disguises itself as logic, productivity, or self-care.

But underneath it is usually something much quieter and harder to face:
loneliness
shame
fear of judgment
embarrassment
self-doubt
grief
stress
a belief that you’re already behind

Those experiences don’t go away just because you ignore them.

They get louder.

The Real Work Isn’t Physical — It’s Internal

The reason I don’t spend most of my time talking about fitness is because fitness is rarely the real work.

The real work is learning how to notice what shows up internally the moment action is required.

The thoughts that tell you not to bother.
The emotions that push you toward comfort.
The stories you’ve been telling yourself for years about who you are and what you’re capable of.

Most people have never been taught how to recognize those things — let alone navigate them.

So they default to avoidance.

Not because they’re weak.
Because they’re human.

Fitness Is Just the Entry Point

What actually interests me isn’t six-pack abs or personal records.

It’s what happens inside a person when they try to do something uncomfortable and familiar resistance shows up.

Because if you can learn to stay present with:
hunger
fatigue
self-consciousness
emotional discomfort
the urge to quit

without abandoning yourself…

That skill transfers everywhere.

To relationships.
To work.
To leadership.
To hard conversations.
To showing up when no one is watching.

Health and fitness just happen to be a clean, honest environment to practice this.

Stop Lying to Yourself About Discomfort

Most people don’t need more motivation.

They need more honesty.

Honesty about what they’re avoiding.
Honesty about why they reach for distraction.
Honesty about the stories they use to protect themselves from discomfort.

There is nothing wrong with choosing comfort sometimes.

But there is something corrosive about pretending you didn’t choose it.

Internal Leadership isn’t about never opting out.

It’s about owning what you choose — consciously.

This Is What I Actually Coach

I coach people to stop outsourcing responsibility to plans, tools, and tactics.

I coach people to become aware of what’s happening internally when resistance shows up.

To recognize it.
To stay with it.
To make a choice — not a reaction.

Sometimes that choice is to train.
Sometimes it’s to rest.
Sometimes it’s to eat the thing.
Sometimes it’s to say no.

The difference is presence.

The Invitation

It’s time to stop pretending the problem is information.

It’s time to stop avoiding discomfort and lying to yourself about it.

And it’s time to start leading yourself through it —
and owning whatever you consciously choose on the other side.

That’s not just how you build a healthier body.

It’s how you build a more honest life.

Why Most Men Fail Their Training Before It Ever Starts

And How We Fix That at The Outpost

Most men don’t fail in the gym because they lack discipline.
They fail because they start at the wrong level of the pyramid.

They obsess over exercises, tempos, splits, and “optimal” plans…
while ignoring the one thing that actually determines success:

Adherence.

Not motivation.
Not intensity.
Not willpower.

Adherence — the ability to keep showing up inside real life.

The Uncomfortable Truth

The best program is not the most optimal one.
It’s the one you can actually run consistently.

A “perfect” plan you quit after three weeks loses to a “pretty good” plan you run for three years.

That’s not a character flaw.
That’s being human.

And yet most fitness advice — especially aimed at former athletes — starts at the top of the pyramid instead of the base.

So let’s flip that.

Level 1: Adherence (The Foundation Everyone Skips)

Before we talk about volume, progression, or exercise selection, we ask:

• Can you realistically train this many days per week?

• Do these sessions fit your work, family, and recovery?

• Can you see yourself doing this six months from now?

If the answer is no, the program is already broken.

This is where Internal Leadership begins.
Because adherence isn’t about discipline — it’s about honesty.

Honesty about:

• your schedule

• your energy

• your stress

• your current capacity

This is why at The Outpost, we don’t hand men a generic “optimal” plan.
We build something they can actually live with.

Level 2: Volume & Intensity (Enough — Not Everything)

Once adherence is solid, we adjust stimulus.

Too little volume or intensity? Nothing happens.
Too much? You bury yourself in fatigue and resentment.

There is no universal “optimal” dose — only:

• what you can recover from

• what your life stress allows

• what supports progress without crushing you

More is not better.
Better managed is better.

When men stall, it’s rarely because they need more work.
It’s because the work they’re doing doesn’t match their life.

Level 3: Progression (Growth Without Self-Destruction)

Training without progression is just exercise.

But progression doesn’t mean forcing PRs every week or grinding yourself into the ground.

Progression can look like:

• more reps at the same load

• slightly more load at the same reps

• better execution at the same effort

• more total quality work over time

If you’re constantly restarting programs, failing reps, or feeling beat up, progression isn’t being managed — it’s being forced.

This is where many former athletes get stuck.
They still equate growth with suffering.

At The Outpost, progression is something we sustain, not survive.

Level 4: Exercise Selection (Tools, Not Identity)

Only now do we worry about which exercises you use.

If you need to be strong in a specific lift, train it.
If not, choose movements that:

• feel good in your body

• allow full range of motion

• don’t beat you up before the muscle gets close to failure

• fit your equipment access and preferences

There are no universally “best” exercises.
Only exercises that make sense for you.

(And yes — leg training is still hard. Embrace the suck.)

Level 5: Rest Periods (Performance Over Sweat)

Rest is not weakness.
Sweat is not a virtue signal.

Short rests save time — but often reduce performance and quality.
Longer rests allow:

• more reps

• more load

• better execution

• greater total stimulus

If your goal is strength or muscle, resting until ready beats arbitrarily short rest periods every time.

Level 6: Tempo & Shiny Objects (Last, Not First)

Tempo tweaks.
Pauses.
Slow eccentrics.
Novel methods.

They matter — after levels 1–5 are handled.

Most men get lost here because it feels productive.
But it’s distraction disguised as sophistication.

The Real Takeaway

Most men don’t need:

• more complexity

• more intensity

• more “edge”

They need:

• honesty

• alignment

• consistency

• leadership over ego

That’s what we build at The Outpost.

Not just better bodies — but men who know how to lead themselves through resistance, inside and outside the gym.

When “That’s Just Not Me” Is Actually Self-Protection

This was one of those coaching moments where nothing flashy happened.

No breakthrough plan.
No new program.
No clever solution.

But something shifted — because we slowed down instead of solving.

A.A. told me she wants to get more consistent with training on the days she isn’t working with me.

When she’s signed up for something — a class, a program, or a commitment she’s paid for — she shows up.
When she isn’t? It’s much harder to follow through.

So I checked for understanding.

“It sounds like you do really well when you’re accountable to someone or something — a coach, a class, money. Do I have that right?”

She nodded.

I asked the question I always ask in moments like this:

“Do you want solutions, or do you want support?”

Like most people, she said some version of both.

Two Paths to the Same Outcome

So I laid out two paths that could lead to the same result.

The first path is external:
Use the structures that already work.
Classes.
Programs.
Accountability.
Financial commitment.

This path bypasses internal resistance.
It takes less energy.
And it still produces results.

The second path is internal:
Slow down.
Get curious.
Understand what makes it hard to be accountable to yourself.
Build the skill of Internal Leadership.

This path takes more effort.
It’s messier.
But the growth carries over into the rest of life — not just workouts.

I told her both paths are valid.

The real question is:
What matters most in this season of life?

That’s when she asked,
“What do you mean by internal resistance?”

The Identity Statement That Opened the Door

I brought us back to something she had said earlier in the session.

“I’m just not that person who can get up early to workout all the time.”

I paused there.

“That sounds like an identity statement,” I said.
“Do you believe people are born that way — or is it something learned?”

She thought about it for a moment.

“Learned,” she said.

Which matters.

Because if it’s learned, it’s not a personality trait.
It’s not fixed.
It’s not fate.

It’s a skill.

And skills require leadership to develop.

Then I asked the question that changed the direction of the session:

“What do you think holding that belief is doing for you?”

At first, she didn’t know.

That’s normal. Most people have never been asked that question before.

So I offered a reflection.

“I think it might be protecting you.”

When Identity Becomes Armor

We explored that idea together.

Identifying as “someone who just can’t get up early to work out” does something important.

It protects her from the discomfort of becoming that person.

Because becoming someone new isn’t clean or linear.
It involves missed days.
False starts.
Mistakes.

And with those come emotions:
Shame.
Guilt.
Sadness.
Self-criticism.

The same emotions she had described feeling earlier in the week after missing a workout.

By claiming a fixed identity, she removes the risk.

No attempt means no failure.
No failure means no emotional discomfort.

And then she said it — quietly, honestly:

“Oh wow… yeah. I’m protecting myself.”

This Is What Internal Resistance Actually Looks Like

This is the part most people miss.

Internal resistance doesn’t usually show up as laziness.
Or lack of discipline.
Or not caring enough.

It shows up as self-protection.

As identity statements that sound true, but function as shields.

“I’m just not that disciplined.”
“I’m not a morning person.”
“I’ve never been consistent.”
“That’s just not who I am.”

Those statements feel stabilizing.
They reduce uncertainty.
They prevent disappointment.

But they also quietly cap growth.

External Accountability Isn’t the Enemy

Here’s something important:

External accountability isn’t bad.
Classes work.
Programs work.
Structure works.

For many people, especially in demanding seasons of life, it’s the right tool.

But it’s worth noticing what it does.

External accountability can produce action without requiring you to face internal resistance.
Which is efficient.
And sometimes exactly what’s needed.

The trade-off is that the deeper work — learning to tolerate discomfort without abandoning yourself — doesn’t always happen.

Again, that doesn’t make one path better.
It makes them different.

Internal Leadership asks a different question:
Can I stay with myself when this feels uncomfortable?

What Growth Actually Requires

Growth doesn’t start with forcing yourself to change.

It starts with being willing to feel what you’ve been avoiding — without hiding behind identity.

Internal Leadership isn’t about becoming tougher.
It’s about becoming more honest.

Honest about:
What scares you.
What you avoid.
What emotions you don’t want to feel.
What identities keep you safe.

And choosing — gently, consciously — to stay present anyway.

A Reflection to Sit With

If you’re reading this, here’s the question I’ll leave you with:

Where in your life might an identity statement be protecting you from discomfort?

And where might you be ready to lead yourself — not by forcing change, but by staying present through the uncomfortable parts of becoming?

No pressure.
No judgment.
Just curiosity.

That’s where real change actually begins.

Can “Wanting to Look Better” Come From a Healthy Place?

I ran into a former client in the gym the other morning.

We worked together for about 18 months before I transitioned her to another trainer to better match a new schedule after her son graduated high school. Life shifted. Priorities shifted. The usual stuff.

What caught my eye immediately was that she looked different. Leaner, yes — but more than that, she looked energized.

I stopped by while she was warming up on the rower.

“You look like you’ve had more energy lately,” I said.
“What’s changed?”

She smiled.

“Oh, I’m back to tracking and meal prepping. Down about 16 pounds. And I’m actually sleeping again.”

I told her how good it was to see that.

Then she added, almost casually:

“Yeah… I’m going to be on a beach in Hawaii for a week soon. I wanted to feel good wearing my bikini.”

That line stuck with me for the rest of the day.

Because if you work in fitness long enough, you’re trained to hear that sentence a certain way.

Aesthetic goal.
Insecure fuel.
Short-term motivation.
Future rebound.

And sometimes… that’s exactly what it is.

But this time, I wasn’t so sure.

The Automatic Assumption About Aesthetic Goals

In coaching and self-development spaces, there’s an unspoken hierarchy of goals.

“Look better” tends to sit near the bottom.

It’s often framed as:

• shallow

• ego-driven

• insecure

• rooted in shame

• unsustainable

While goals like:

• “feel better”

• “be healthier”

• “have more energy”

• “live longer”

are considered more evolved. More mature. More acceptable.

There’s truth in that framing — but it’s incomplete.

Because it assumes that what the goal is tells us why the goal exists.

And psychology tells us that’s not how motivation actually works.

Insecurity vs. Security Isn’t About the Goal — It’s About the Source

The same external goal can come from very different internal places.

In Self-Determination Theory (Deci & Ryan), motivation falls broadly into two categories:

• Controlled motivation (externally driven):
  rooted in pressure, comparison, approval, fear, or avoidance of shame.

• Autonomous motivation (internally driven):
  rooted in values, self-respect, identity, and personal meaning.

Both can drive behavior.
But they feel very different inside the body.

And they produce very different long-term outcomes.

So let’s take aesthetics.

“I want to look better” can absolutely be driven by insecurity:

• “I want to look better than her.”

• “I want people to think I’m attractive.”

• “I don’t feel worthy unless my body looks a certain way.”

That’s motivation rooted in comparison, approval, and conditional self-worth.

But there’s another version that doesn’t get talked about enough.

When Wanting to Look Better Comes From Security

“I want to look better for me.”

That sentence often gets dismissed as a rationalization — but sometimes, it’s honest.

Here’s what it can actually mean:

• “I respect myself enough to take care of my body.”

• “I feel better in my skin when I’m consistent with my habits.”

• “I want to show up feeling confident and energized in an experience I’m excited about.”

• “I like what it feels like when my actions align with how I want to live.”

That’s not shame.

That’s self-respect.

In psychological terms, this aligns more closely with approach-based motivation rather than avoidance-based motivation.

You’re not running from being unacceptable.
You’re moving toward feeling aligned.

What Changed With This Client — And Why It Matters

Here’s the part that really matters to me as a coach.

When we worked together, she used to yo-yo.

She could be incredibly dialed:

• tracking

• meal prepping

• losing weight

And then work would hit a busy season:

• stress goes up

• sleep goes down

• energy to lead at work goes up

• energy to lead herself goes down

And the habits would fall apart.

What struck me this time wasn’t just that she was losing weight.

It was when.

She’s in a busy season right now.

Which tells me something important:

This isn’t about white-knuckling.
This isn’t about panic motivation.
This isn’t about punishing herself for a vacation body.

She’s navigating stress differently.
She’s protecting sleep.
She’s leading herself under load.

The bikini isn’t the whole story.

It’s the spark, not the engine.

Secure Motivation Feels Different in the Body

Here’s a practical way to tell the difference between insecure and secure fuel.

Insecure motivation feels like:

• pressure

• urgency

• comparison

• anxiety

• tightness

• “I should”

• “I have to”

Secure motivation feels like:

• steadiness

• clarity

• ownership

• calm focus

• “I want”

• “This matters to me”

One drains you.
The other organizes you.

And that distinction matters far more than the surface-level goal.

Internal Leadership Is What Determines the Outcome

This is where Internal Leadership comes in.

Because goals don’t live in isolation.
They live inside real lives, real stress, real schedules, real nervous systems.

Internal Leadership is the skill that allows someone to ask:

• Why am I pursuing this?

• What fuel am I using right now?

• Is this coming from judgment or respect?

• Can I stay aligned when resistance shows up?

Without that skill, even “good” goals collapse.

With it, even aesthetic goals can become expressions of self-care rather than self-criticism.

A More Honest Reframe

Maybe the question isn’t:

“Is wanting to look better shallow or insecure?”

Maybe the better question is:

“What relationship do I have with myself while I’m pursuing this?”

Because self-love doesn’t always look like acceptance without effort.

Sometimes it looks like:

• structure

• boundaries

• consistency

• saying no

• choosing long-term alignment over short-term comfort

That’s not punishment.

That’s leadership.

A Closing Reflection

The next time you hear yourself say,
“I want to look better,”

Don’t rush to judge it.

Pause and ask:

• Is this coming from self-rejection or self-respect?

• Am I trying to prove something — or honor something?

• Does this goal tighten me — or organize me?

The answer won’t be in the mirror.

It’ll be in how you treat yourself when the motivation wears off and resistance shows up.

That’s where the truth always is.

When Habits Work — and When They Don’t

James Clear’s Atomic Habits changed my life.

I don’t say that lightly.

It found me at the right time and right place in life. It gave me part of the road map I needed to get back to the best and truest version of myself.

Learning how to design better environments, reduce friction, and make good behavior easier was a turning point for me. Those principles helped me rebuild consistency in training, routines, and daily structure at a time when I desperately needed something solid to hold onto.

But here’s something I’ve come to understand more clearly with time:

Atomic Habits worked so well for me because it coincided with deep internal work I was doing at the same time.

Building Emotional Intelligence through self study and therapy.
Learning how to name what I was feeling instead of avoiding it.

I didn’t just change my external environment.
I changed my internal environment.

And that matters more than most people realize.

What Atomic Habits Does Exceptionally Well

At its core, Atomic Habits teaches this:

Design better environments so good behavior is easier than bad behavior.

Reduce friction.
Stack habits.
Make the right choice obvious.
Make the wrong choice harder.

That approach works—especially when life is relatively predictable.

When your schedule is stable.
When stress is manageable.
When your emotional world is regulated.
When you’re not carrying a lot of unresolved internal tension.

In those conditions, external structure is powerful.

Where Things Start to Break Down

Most men don’t fail on calm, predictable Tuesdays.

They struggle when:

• work gets chaotic

• kids get sick

• sleep falls apart

• travel disrupts routines

• stress spikes

• emotions surface

• old patterns get triggered

The environment breaks.
Emotional energy is in flux.
Routines dissolve.

And when that happens, many men conclude:
“I lack discipline.”
“I’m not consistent.”
“I just need to try harder.”

But that’s usually not the real issue.

The issue is that no one taught them how to lead themselves when the environment stops cooperating.

Two Different Levers

This is the distinction I’ve been sitting with.

Atomic Habits works best when life is predictable.
It gives you tools to align your actions by shaping what’s around you.

Navigation exists for when life isn’t.
It focuses on how you relate to what’s happening inside you when pressure shows up.

Put simply:

• Atomic Habits helps you act when conditions are favorable.

• Navigation helps you act when resistance is present.

One reduces friction on the front end.
The other teaches you how to move through it on the backend.

The Missing Skill Isn’t Knowledge

Most of the men I work with already know what to do.

They know they should train.
They know they should sleep more.
They know they should eat better.
They know what consistency looks like.

What they don’t know is how to respond when:

• motivation disappears

• anxiety spikes

• shame creeps in

• overwhelm takes over

• avoidance feels safer than effort

That’s not a habit problem.
That’s an internal leadership problem.

Inside-Out Work Changes the Equation

When I look back, I can see that Atomic Habits helped me build structure on the outside.

But the reason it stuck was because I was also learning how to:

• recognize emotional states

• sit with discomfort

• name resistance

• choose direction instead of drifting

• take ownership without self-attack

Those skills weren’t taught by habit design alone.

They came from internal work.

And once those capacities were in place, habits didn’t just form—they held under pressure.

This Isn’t Either / Or

This isn’t about choosing one framework over the other.

It’s about knowing which lever you’re pulling—and when.

External structure matters.
Internal leadership matters.

But if you’ve already tried systems, routines, and optimization—and they keep breaking when life gets messy—the work isn’t to design a better plan.

The work is to learn how to lead yourself when the plan breaks.

That’s the space I’m exploring now.
That’s the gap Navigation is meant to address.
And it’s where most men get stuck—not because they’re weak, but because no one ever taught them this part.

If this feels like the crossroads your at on your health and fitness journey i’m here to help. I’ve got an 8 week group starting Feb 15, 2026 where we build the internal leadership skills with the support of other men on the same path. Group support, 1:1 coaching, program and nutrition to support your goal. Find out more here.

How to Create a Health or Fitness Outcome in 8 Weeks

A Practical Guide to Stability, Consistency, and Internal Leadership

Most people approach health and fitness goals the same way.

They pick an outcome.
They feel motivated.
They start strong.

And then… life happens.

Work gets busy.
Energy drops.
Schedules change.
Thoughts spiral.
Feelings take over.

And before they realize it, they’re reacting to resistance instead of leading through it.

When progress stalls, they assume the problem is discipline.

But true discipline is not something you start with.
It’s something you earn.

Discipline is the well-worn path of navigation.
It comes after learning how to move through resistance—not before.

And here’s the truth that changes everything:

You don’t rise to the level of your goals.
You fall to your ability to navigate resistance.

If you understand that, an 8-week outcome stops being about motivation—and starts being about stability and consistency through Internal Leadership.

Let me show you how I coach this in practice.

Step 1: Start With a Specific, Measurable Outcome (Not a Vague Goal)

“Get in better shape” is vague.
“Be healthier” is general.
“Feel better” is hard to measure.

These are intentions—not objectives.

Intentions are where goals are born from.
But they are not strong enough to drive real change.

An outcome needs to be:

• specific

• measurable

• objective

• time-bound

Examples:

• Lose 8 pounds in 8 weeks

• Drop 3% body fat in 8 weeks

• Train 3x/week consistently for 8 weeks

• Complete all programmed sessions for 8 weeks

• Eat within a defined calorie or protein target 6 days/week for 8 weeks

Clarity matters because vague goals make resistance invisible.

You can’t navigate what you can’t see.

Step 2: Mine the Source (Fuel to Act)

Action comes easily at the beginning.

There’s excitement.
Momentum.
Energy.

But that fuel runs out quickly.

And when it does—after a long day of work, when stress is high and decision fatigue is heavy—the voice shows up:

“Just take the night off.”

This is where most people fold.

Because they never built a stronger, more stable fuel source.

So here’s what I have clients do:

Write down every reason why achieving this goal matters to you.
Be honest.
Be specific.

You need 7–10 reasons.

Why?

Because on any given day, you can talk yourself out of five of them.
But never seven.

Eventually, one will land with enough energy to move you into aligned action.

Once the list is written:

• Label each reason as secure or insecure

Secure reasons come from love, purpose, values, and the life you want to build.
Insecure reasons come from fear, shame, or conditioned beliefs.

Then reorder the list:

• Secure reasons first

• Insecure reasons last

We don’t want to reinforce insecure fuel—but we do acknowledge it exists.

Sometimes it’s a break-glass-in-case-of-emergency source.

And consciously choosing aligned action from a less-preferred fuel source is still better than no aligned action at all.

Step 3: Name the Resistance Before It Shows Up

This is where most plans fail.

People design programs as if resistance won’t appear—
and then panic when it does.

A wise man once said:

“Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the face.”

Resistance-setting is having a plan for the punch.

There are two types:

External Resistance

• work schedule

• kids’ activities

• travel

• holidays

• fatigue

• limited equipment

• social obligations

Internal Resistance

• “I’m too tired”

• “This doesn’t matter today”

• cravings

• boredom

• doubt

• stress eating

• all-or-nothing thinking

• emotional avoidance

The goal isn’t to eliminate resistance.

The goal is to anticipate it.

Surprise knocks people off track.
Preparation keeps them aligned.

Step 4: Start Taking Action Tomorrow

At this point you have everything you need to get started.

When resistance shows up tomorrow—and it will—you always have two options:

Avoidance

• push it down

• distract

• “deal with it later”

• override it with intensity

• pretend it’s not there

Avoidance can produce short bursts of progress.

But it always collapses.

Internal Leadership

This is the path that sustains results.

Step 5: Apply the Internal Leadership System Daily

This is the core of the 8-week process.

Showing up for yourself every day with awareness and alignment.

1. Recognition

What’s showing up right now?

• thoughts

• emotions

• urges

• stories

“I don’t feel like training.”
“I’m stressed.”
“I want comfort.”

Name it.

2. Ownership

Validate it.
“This makes sense.”
“I’m human.”
“This is real.”

Then take responsibility:
“And I’m responsible for navigating this.”

3. Direction

Reconnect to your outcome and your reasons why.
Move down the list until one provides enough energy to act in alignment.

Direction collapses confusion.

4. Execution

Take one aligned action.

• not heroic

• not perfect

• not intense

Just the next right step:

• start the warm-up

• prep one meal

• protein snack instead of sugar

• walk for 20 minutes

• complete the session as written

Mood follows action.
Small wins build momentum.

5. Integration

The most skipped—and most important—step.

Reflect:

• What resistance showed up?

• How did I navigate it?

• What worked?

• What didn’t?

• What will make this easier next time?

This is how discipline is earned.

Step 6: Tracking to Strengthen the System

You track for two reasons:

1. Objective feedback so you can adjust

2. Pattern recognition around resistance

AM Tracking

• What external resistance do I anticipate today?

• What internal resistance do I anticipate today?

• How will I navigate each?

PM Tracking

• What actions were aligned?

• What actions weren’t?

• What resistance showed up?

• How did I navigate it?

• What advice would I give myself next time?

This turns experience into practice.
Practice turns effort into discipline.
Discipline turns action into identity.

What 8 Weeks Is Really For

An 8-week block isn’t just about fat loss, strength, or aesthetics.

It’s about practicing a new relationship with resistance.

Meeting parts of yourself you’ve avoided.
Working with them instead of against them.

If you complete 8 weeks of:

• recognizing resistance

• owning it

• choosing direction

• executing aligned action

• integrating the lesson

You don’t just get an outcome.

You leave with:

• better self-trust

• stronger internal leadership

• less reliance on motivation

• more consistency under pressure

And that’s what makes the next 8 weeks easier.

That’s what moves you from struggling → disciplined → identified.

The Real Takeaway

Health and fitness outcomes don’t come from better plans.

They come from better leadership in moments of resistance.

If you can lead yourself through today…
you don’t need to worry about the next 8 weeks.

They’ll take care of themselves. Because you can take care of yourself.

Steal this. Apply it to your goal. And then jump on call with me and tell me what worked and what didn’t. I’m here to help.

“I’m Just Not That Guy.”

What Men Are Really Saying When They Say It

“I’m just not that guy.”

I’ve heard this sentence more times than I can count.

About nutrition.
About workouts.
About consistency.
About effort.
About the ways men choose — or don’t choose — to show up for themselves and the people they care about.

And every time I hear it, I know one thing for sure:

That sentence is only half the truth.

The Sentence That Sounds Strong — But Often Isn’t

On the surface, “I’m just not that guy” sounds confident.

Definitive.
Certain.
Almost grounded.

It sounds like identity.

But more often than not, it’s something else entirely.

It’s identity armor.

A way to opt out without having to say why.
A way to avoid effort without having to admit fear.
A way to protect self-worth by never putting it at risk.

Because the unspoken continuation of that sentence is usually this:

“I’m not that guy because if I give my full effort and fail, I’ll have to confront something I don’t want to feel.”

Why Effort Feels Dangerous for Many Men

For a lot of men, worth gets tied to performance early.

Win.
Achieve.
Be competent.
Be useful.
Don’t look weak.
Don’t look lost.

When that wiring is in place, failure doesn’t feel like feedback.

It feels personal.

So effort becomes risky.

Because if you try and fail, you don’t just fail at the task —
you risk failing at being “enough.”

That’s when “I’m just not that guy” becomes useful.

It lets you:

• avoid the vulnerability of trying

• avoid the exposure of effort

• avoid the discomfort of incompetence

• avoid the emotional weight of disappointment

And you can do all of that while sounding self-aware and confident.

It’s safe.
It’s clean.
And it keeps you protected.

This Isn’t Weakness — It’s a Coping Strategy

This matters:

Men don’t use this sentence because they’re lazy or broken.

They use it because at some point in their life, it worked.

It protected them from shame.
It helped them maintain status.
It kept their ego intact.
It allowed them to stay functional in environments that didn’t leave much room for uncertainty or softness.

The problem isn’t that the strategy existed.

The problem is when it never gets updated.

Because what once protected you can eventually imprison you.

How Identity Freezes Growth

“I’m just not that guy” turns something temporary into something permanent.

A moment of fear becomes a fixed identity.
A lack of skill becomes a character trait.
A shortcoming becomes a life sentence.

And once identity freezes, growth stops.

Not because you can’t change —
but because you’ve declared that change would be a betrayal of who you are.

This is where most men get stuck.

Not in lack of knowledge.
Not in lack of opportunity.
But in an identity that’s doing more protecting than guiding.

When the Same Sentence Is Actually Healthy

Here’s the part most people miss:

The sentence itself isn’t the problem.

The source of the sentence is.

Because there are times when “I’m not that guy” is grounded, honest, and secure.

For example:

“I’m not that guy because that path isn’t aligned with my goals, values, or the life I’m building.”

That’s not avoidance.
That’s discernment.

That’s not fear.
That’s clarity.

That version doesn’t shrink you.
It focuses you.

The difference isn’t the words.
It’s the internal state they’re coming from.

Fear vs. Clarity: The Real Distinction

Here’s the question that matters:

Is this identity statement coming from protection or purpose?

From:

• fear or clarity

• insecurity or security

• avoidance or alignment

Insecure identity statements:

• reduce risk

• avoid effort

• protect ego

• freeze growth

Secure identity statements:

• narrow focus

• protect values

• create direction

• support becoming

One shields you from discomfort.
The other points you toward who you’re becoming.

Turning Identity From a Shield Into a Compass

This is where Internal Leadership shows up — quietly, practically, without drama.

It doesn’t demand that you “be that guy.”

It asks something more honest.

Recognition

Notice when the sentence appears.
“I’m just not that guy.”

Ownership

Ask what it’s protecting you from.
Failure? Shame? Exposure? Disappointment?

Direction

Clarify what actually matters to you.
What kind of man are you becoming — not avoiding?

Execution

Take one small, aligned action that tests the story without overwhelming you.

Integration

Reflect honestly.
Did the identity protect you — or limit you?

This isn’t about forcing change.

It’s about telling the truth.

A Reflection to Sit With

The next time you hear yourself say:

“I’m just not that guy…”

Pause.

And ask:

Is this identity protecting me from fear…
or pointing me toward alignment?

Is it a shield…
or a compass?

That distinction makes all the difference.

Not in how strong you sound —
but in who you allow yourself to become.

If you want help turning identity from a shield into a compass — and learning how to lead yourself through resistance instead of avoiding it — the 8-Week LFP Training Group is where that work happens.
Reach out if you’re curious.

The 4 Stages of Change

And Why Most People Never Leave the First One

Most people think change is about willpower.

Or discipline.
Or motivation.
Or finding the “right program.”

But after years of coaching humans through health, fitness, careers, life events, and identity shifts, I’ve learned something simpler — and harder — than all of that:

Most people don’t fail at change.
They never actually enter it.

They think they’re navigating change…
when they’re really just drifting with better intentions.

Why “Trying Harder” Rarely Works

When someone tells me they’re stuck, it’s almost never because they don’t know what to do.

They know they should:

• train more consistently

• eat better

• sleep more

• drink less

• manage stress

• move their body

• take care of themselves

The issue isn’t information.

The issue is leadership.

Specifically:
the lack of Internal Leadership when resistance shows up.

That’s where the 4 Stages of Change actually live.

Not as a linear ladder.
Not as permanent states.
But as fluid conditions you move in and out of over a lifetime.

Stage 1: Drifting

Drifting is the unconscious stage.

Life is happening to you, not through you.

Choices are driven by:

• emotional states

• stress

• fatigue

• conditioned beliefs

• habits

• momentum

• other people’s expectations

There’s no active leadership here.
Just reaction.

This is where a lot of men quietly end up after big life changes.

A common example:
A man becomes a father.
Or takes on a demanding career.
Or both.

At first, there’s intention:
“I’ll still train.”
“I’ll still take care of myself.”
“I won’t let this slip.”

But slowly:

• workouts get skipped

• food choices become reactive

• sleep erodes

• alcohol creeps up

• energy drops

• identity shifts without being acknowledged

Nothing dramatic happens.
No big failure.
No collapse.

Just drift.

And the dangerous part?

Drifting doesn’t feel wrong at first.
It feels normal.

Stage 2: Navigation

Navigation is where awareness begins.

This is where someone says:
“Something needs to change.”

Usually it shows up around:

• weight gain

• pain

• fatigue

• low energy

• frustration

• feeling disconnected from themselves

This is the stage most people think they’re in.

But here’s the hard truth:

Recognition is not navigation.

It’s only step one. Awareness alone feels like progress.
It feels productive.
It feels responsible.

But without action — it’s still drifting with better language.

Navigation requires learning how to move through resistance.

And there are two kinds of resistance that must be navigated:

External Resistance

• time

• work demands

• kids’ schedules

• travel

• fatigue

• life logistics

These are real.
They matter.
But they’re rarely the true blocker.

Internal Resistance

• thoughts

• emotions

• beliefs

• avoidance

• self-talk

• shame

• fear

• “I don’t feel like it”

• “This isn’t the right time”

This is where most people stall.

Instead of navigating internal resistance, they blame external resistance.

And so they stay stuck — thinking they’re navigating change when they’re actually still drifting.

Stage 3: Discipline

Discipline is not force.

It’s not white-knuckling.
It’s not motivation.
It’s not intensity.

Discipline emerges when Internal Leadership becomes efficient.

This is what that looks like in real life:

You feel resistance…
and you move anyway.

Not blindly.
Not aggressively.
Consciously and quickly.

The gap between:
“I don’t feel like it”
and
“I’m doing it”
gets smaller.

Recognition and action collapse into the same moment.

That’s discipline.

It’s not about overpowering yourself.
It’s about leading yourself through resistance quickly and honestly.

And discipline is never permanent.

It’s a capacity you access — not a trait you possess.

Stage 4: Identity

This is the low to no friction stage.

Behaviors no longer feel like chores.
They feel like expressions of who you are.

Training becomes routine.
Nutrition becomes rhythm.
Movement becomes part of life.

But here’s the mistake people make:

They assume identity is permanent.

It’s not.

Identity shifts when life shifts.

Becoming a father shifts identity.
Career growth shifts identity.
Aging shifts identity.
Injury shifts identity.

Identity doesn’t usually regress — it evolves.

And when it evolves, Internal Leadership is required again to realign behavior with values and direction.

Without that leadership?
Drift returns.

The Through-Line: Internal Leadership

Internal Leadership is the skill that connects all four stages.

It’s what allows you to:

• recognize drift early

• enter navigation honestly

• build discipline consciously

• express identity sustainably

And most importantly:

Internal Leadership is what brings you back into navigation when life knocks you back into drift.

Because it will.
That’s not failure.
That’s being human.

The difference between men who stay aligned over decades…
and men who repeatedly “start over”…

…isn’t motivation.

It’s the ability to lead themselves internally when circumstances change.

The Real Work of Change

Lasting change isn’t about staying disciplined forever.

It’s about developing the skill to notice when you’re drifting —
and the courage to step back into navigation without shame.

Again.
And again.
And again.

That’s the work.

Not perfection.
Not intensity.
Not willpower.

Internal Leadership.

And that’s what makes change sustainable —
not just for a season, but for a life.

Look Better.

The Four Levers Everyman Must Understand

Every man I train between, 25 and 55, eventually circles back to the same honest desire:

I want to look better.

They might say it in different ways:

“I want to see my abs again.”
“I want my arms to fill out a shirt.”
“I want to look like I actually train.”
“I want to look athletic again.”

And physiologically, “looking better” means two things:

1. Decrease body fat percentage (get rid of what’s hiding the muscle that’s already there)

2. Maintain or increase muscle mass (have something to show)

Regardless of whether it’s secure or insecure fuel driving the desire, the body only understands physiology.

And the physiology to these outcomes runs on four simple levers:

1. Caloric Intake

2. Protein Intake

3. Training Volume & Intensity

4. Caloric Expenditure

These four levers determine your body composition.
But before we touch any of them, we have to clarify something most men never slow down to consider:

What do you actually mean by “look better”?

Because there are two very different goals hidden inside that one phrase.
And each requires a different path.

Path 1: “Look Better” = Lose Body Fat While Maintaining Muscle

(Lean out → reveal what’s already there)

This is the right path if:

• You’re 10–30 lbs heavier than you want to be

• You feel inflamed, sluggish, or disconnected

• You haven’t trained consistently in months or years

• You want to see noticeable changes in the next 8–12 weeks

• You want to reveal muscle you already have

This is the classic “trim down and look more athletic” path.

Here’s how the levers shift:

Caloric Intake:

Moderate deficit — enough to lose fat without losing muscle.

Protein Intake:

High (0.7–1.0 g/lb ideal bodyweight) to protect and maintain muscle.

Training Volume & Intensity:

Slightly lower volume, high intensity.
Your body needs the message: We still need this muscle.

Caloric Expenditure:

Helpful but not mandatory.
Just enough to support the deficit and maintain overall work capacity.

This path makes you look tighter, leaner, and sharper quickly.

Path 2: “Look Better” = Build Muscle First, THEN Lose Body Fat

(Build → then strategically lean out)

This is the right path if:

• You’re “lean enough” but not muscular

• You look thin in clothes but soft without them

• You’ve been under-eating for years

• You want a dramatic, long-term physique change

• You don’t yet have the muscle mass you want to reveal

This is the “look like you actually train” path.

Here’s how the levers shift:

Caloric Intake:

Maintenance or slight surplus — enough fuel to grow.

Protein Intake:

Still high. Muscle needs signal and materials.

Training Volume & Intensity:

Higher volume, structured progression, more total work.
Intensity matters, so that stays high too.

Caloric Expenditure:

Minimal.
Just enough to stay healthy — not enough to steal recovery resources.

This path isn’t fast.
But it produces the biggest transformation.

It’s how you build shoulders that cap, arms that fill shirts, legs that look athletic, and a physique you’re proud to reveal when you cut later.

The Mistake Most Men Make

Most men try to chase both paths simultaneously:

• Eat less AND build muscle

• Do more conditioning AND lift heavier

• Cut fat AND grow arms

• Train like a bodybuilder AND recover like a busy father with a full-time job

This creates stalled progress, frustration, and the belief that “nothing works for me.”

But nothing is supposed to work when the levers point in opposite directions.

“Looking better” becomes simple when you define what you actually want:

• Do you want to look leaner now? → Path 1

• Do you want to look more muscular later? → Path 2

Once the aim is clear, the levers fall into place.

The Four Levers, Simplified

Regardless of the path, these are the tools:

1. Caloric Intake

Fat loss = deficit
Muscle gain = maintenance/surplus

2. Protein Intake

0.7–1.0 g/lb ideal body weight
A litte lower when cutting, a little higher when building

3. Training Volume + Intensity

A little lower when cutting (due to less available energy)
More when building (due to more available energy)

4. Caloric Expenditure

Increased when cutting
Decreased when building

That’s the entire physiological process.

Not glamorous.
Not complicated.
Just precise.

Why This Matters for Men 35–55

Because most men at this age aren’t lacking effort — they’re lacking clarity.

They’re pulling levers in opposite directions.
They’re trying to build and burn at the same time.
Or they’re training hard but fueling like someone who doesn’t want muscle.

Your body isn’t confused.
Your strategy is.

But when you understand the process…
everything becomes predictable.

Look Better = Identify your path
→ Set the levers correctly
→ Stay consistent
→ Adjust with intention
→ Lead yourself through resistance

This isn’t motivation.
It’s leadership — Internal Leadership — applied to physiology:

Recognition → Ownership → Direction → Execution → Integration.

Want Help Running the Process?

Enrollment for the 8-Week LFP Group is now open.

Inside the program, you’ll get:

• A custom nutrition plan matched precisely to your path (fat loss or muscle building)

• A training program built for your goals, schedule, and body

• Weekly coaching to keep your levers aligned

• A group of 10 other men rebuilding their bodies — and their internal leadership — from the inside out

If you want to look better, feel better, and train with a system that actually works…

Send me a message with “LFP” and I’ll send you the details.

The Right Goal at the Wrong Time Will Still Fail

And Why That Doesn’t Mean You’re Failing

Two weeks ago, my client G.H. — a 43-year-old father of three — told me he was ready to get serious about dropping body fat again.

When he started with me eight weeks ago, he’d already lost about 25 pounds on his own. Then he hit a wall for a few months. No more progress. No forward momentum. He wasn’t gaining weight, but he wasn’t moving either.

So we tightened up his training.
We bumped up his protein.
We kept him at maintenance calories until he felt ready to cut.

And two weeks ago, he said, “I’m ready.”

Most people would look at the calendar and think:

“Right after Thanksgiving? In December? Is that really the best time?”

Like most things in training, performance, and behavior change…
it depends.

Some people can cut this time of year.
I’m doing it myself — a 9-week cut before I fly out for a trip on Christmas Day.

But here’s the difference:

I knew exactly what resistance I’d face.
I knew how I’d navigate it.
And I cleared the space in my life for it to work.

For G.H., it was a completely different story.

When the Goal Is Right but the Timing Is Wrong

For him, it wasn’t primarily internal resistance that stopped progress.
(Though we’ve only begun scratching the surface of that work.)

It was external resistance — the kind that is real, valid, and incredibly difficult to outmaneuver without serious preparation.

G.H. is a father of three.

All three are in ballet.

And December?
December is chaos.
Rehearsals.
Dress runs.
Recitals.
Back-to-back nights of driving an hour each way after work.
Gone from home from 6–9 p.m. almost every evening.

Trying to stay in a consistent caloric deficit under those circumstances?

Not impossible…

…but absolutely more demanding.

Could he have navigated it with strict food planning, meal prep, and tight execution?

Yes.

But the real question — the one most people don’t ask — is:

“Is pursuing this goal right now worth the extra energy it will cost me?”

After two weeks of trying, he realized it wasn’t.

Not because he’s weak.
Not because he’s uncommitted.
Not because the goal doesn’t matter.

But because the season of life he’s in right now doesn’t match the energy required for that specific goal.

So instead of forcing it, he made the right call:

Stay in maintenance.
Get through this busy season intact.
Protect his bandwidth.
Maintain consistency where it’s realistic.
And pick up the fat-loss goal once the performances end and life opens up again.

This is what wise decision-making looks like.
This is Internal Leadership applied to external resistance.

Most People Never Learn This: Timing Is a Skill

You can have the right goal and still fail if the timing is wrong.

Not because you’re flawed — but because goals require energy, attention, structure, and capacity.

Fat loss isn’t just “eat less.”
It’s:

• meal planning

• food availability

• consistent routines

• stable evenings

• lower stress

• predictable patterns

• mental bandwidth

If the season of your life doesn’t support those behaviors, you’re fighting uphill every single day.

And when every day requires a battle…
you burn out.

The smarter play is what G.H. did:

Align the timing with the capacity.

He’ll drop fat faster and more sustainably in January — not because January is magical, but because his life will actually support the behaviors that fat loss requires.

Internal Leadership at Play

This is exactly what Internal Leadership looks like in the real world:

Recognition:

“I don’t have the bandwidth for a deficit right now.”

Ownership:

“This is my season of life — it makes sense that it’s hard. And it’s my responsiblity to do something about it.

Direction:

“What’s the aligned choice for this moment?”

Execution:

“Shift to maintenance. Protect consistency. Try again later.”

Integration:

Next time he starts a cut, he’ll know exactly what season of life supports success — and which ones don’t.

This is not quitting.
This is not avoidance.

This is choosing a strategy aligned with reality, not fantasy.

Most people fail because they try to force a goal into a season that can’t support it.

G.H. made the opposite choice:
He chose alignment over ego.
Wisdom over pressure.
Long-term success over short-term performance.

And that’s what creates sustainable change.

If you want help choosing the right goal for the season you’re in—and building the skill of Internal Leadership to stay consistent—the 8-Week LFP Training Group is where we do that work.
Message me for details.

You Don’t Rise to the Level of Your Goals…

…You Fall to Your Ability to Navigate Resistance

Here’s the truth almost no one learns early enough:

Your goals aren’t the problem.
Your resistance is.

People think they fail because the goal was too big…
or they lacked motivation…
or life got busy…
or they need better planning.

But achieving goals and outcomes don’t require perfect conditions.

They require one thing:

The ability to meet resistance in real time and navigate it conciously.

And that’s where most people fall apart.

What Resistance Really Is

Resistance is anything that creates friction between where you are now and where you’re trying to go.

And it always shows up the moment action is required.

There are two kinds:

1. External Resistance

This includes obstacles outside your control:

• work deadlines

• kids’ schedules

• fatigue

• sickness

• unexpected events

• time constraints

• travel

• life being life

External resistance matters.
But external resistance is not what stops most people.

Because most of us can figure out logistics when we need to.

What actually derails us is the resistance inside the logistics.

2. Internal Resistance

This is everything happening inside you:

• emotions

• urges

• fear

• doubt

• apathy

• overwhelm

• the subtle “I don’t feel like it”

• old stories

• identity patterns

• shame spirals

• comparison

• self-criticism

• internal pressure

• the part of you that wants comfort, not growth

Internal resistance is quiet.
It’s fast.
It’s subtle.
And it shows up in the exact three-second window where action is needed.

This is the resistance most people never learn how to recognize and navigate.

And so they don’t fail at taking action…
they fail at navigating the resistance to the action.

Two Ways to Navigate Internal Resistance

When internal resistance shows up, you only have two paths:

1. Avoidance

Avoidance can has two potential outcomes:

1. Not taking action. This sounds like:

“Later.”
“Not today.”
“I’m too tired.”
“I’ll start over Monday.”
“One day won’t matter.”
“I need to feel more motivated.”

2. Taking action. This sounds like:

“Fuck it.”
“I’ll deal with this later.”
“I’m just gonna stuff this one down deep.”
“Ehh, whatever.”
“I don’t want to feel this.”

Avoidance with action works…
but only in the short term.

Avoidance keeps you unconscious.
It keeps you in patterns.
It keeps you reacting instead of leading.
And eventually, it collapses.

2. Internal Leadership

Internal Leadership is the opposite of avoidance.

It keeps you conscious inside the moment of choice.

It looks like this:

Recognition

Notice what’s happening inside your body and mind.
Name the resistance: “I feel tired. I feel afraid. I feel overwhelmed.”

Ownership

Validate your internal state and take responsibility for it.
“It makes sense I feel this way. And it’s my responsibility to navigate it.”

Direction

Reconnect to the outcome you want and the reasons why it matters.
Point your attention back toward your goal.

Execution

Take one aligned action — small, grounded, doable.
Not heroic. Not dramatic. Just aligned.

Integration

Reflect afterward.
What did you learn?
What shifted?
What got easier?
You make the hill smaller next time.

This isn’t motivation.
This isn’t hype.
This isn’t willpower.

This is leadership: conscious navigation of internal resistance.

Why People Really Fail

People don’t fail because their goals are too big.

They fail because:

• their resistance goes unnamed

• their emotions go unacknowledged

• their internal world goes unled

• they’re operating unconsciously in the moments that matter most

The hardest part of change isn’t the action.

It’s the moment before the action —
where resistance shows up, quietly asking you to drift…instead of decide.

That’s the moment people lose.

Not because they’re weak.
But because no one ever taught them how to lead themselves through it.

Internal Leadership: The System That Keeps You in the Driver’s Seat

Avoidance can move you forward temporarily, but it keeps you asleep at the wheel.

Internal Leadership wakes you up.

It keeps you behind the steering wheel of your life —
present, aware, honest, intentional.

Your goals don’t require talent.
Your goals don’t require motivation.
Your goals don’t require perfect planning.

Your goals require the skill of navigating internal resistance.

And that is the core of my work.

Teaching people how to stay conscious in the moment where resistance rises…
so they stop abandoning themselves
and finally become the person their goals keep asking them to be.

If you want to build the skill of navigating internal resistance—not through avoidance, but through true Internal Leadership—the 8-Week LFP Training Group is where we do that work.
Message me if you want details.

Your Life Is Your Art — And Today I Had to Lead Myself Through It

A Lesson in UnFunking Yourself

I woke up in a funk today.

Not overwhelmed.
Not spiraling.
Just off.

That quiet kind of tension where you can’t quite explain what’s wrong, but you can feel you’re not fully in yourself.

My first thought was: “I probably need to meditate or journal.”
I had a few cancelations, so I did what I could:
I meditated.
I took a 75-minute walk alone in the woods.
I went to hot yoga that evening.

And at the end of class, my teacher said a line that landed harder than anything else I heard all day:

“Your life is your art.”

Simple.
Direct.
True.

And it sparked the series of questions I needed:

Am I creating today from tension or relaxation?
From connection or disconnection?
From expansion or constriction?
From alignment or conditioning?
From fear or courage?

And when my head hits the pillow tonight…
Will I be at peace with the art I created today?

That was the moment I realized:
I wasn’t navigating through avoidance — I was navigating through Internal Leadership.

Two Paths of Navigation: Avoidance or Internal Leadership

Every time resistance shows up, you have two options:

1. Avoidance

Distract.
Numb.
Scroll.
Dissociate.
Push it down.
Hope it passes.

2. Internal Leadership

Turn toward the experience.
Name it.
Work with it.
Choose aligned action despite it.

Today, I could feel the fork in the road.
Avoidance would have been easy — get on my phone, eat mindlessly, disconnect, blame the mood.

But I chose the second path — not perfectly, but intentionally.

And the day became a real-time example of the Internal Leadership System in action.

Recognition → Ownership → Direction → Execution → Integration

Here’s how today unfolded through that lens:

1. Recognition

I noticed the funk.
The tension.
The heaviness.
The lack of clarity.

I didn’t overanalyze it — I just acknowledged what was there. I named it.

This step matters more than people think.
If you can’t recognize resistance, you’ll react unconsciously to it.

2. Ownership

Instead of judging myself, I said:

“Yeah, it makes sense I feel this way. And i’m okay is where I’m at today.”

No shame.
No fixing.
No pretending.

Just accepting reality as it was. And being responsible for it.

3. Direction

Once I saw the resistance clearly, the next question was:

“What’s the most aligned thing I can do right now to move toward the person I want to be today?”

Not the perfect thing.
Not the productive thing.
Just the aligned thing.

I am working towards being someone who doesn’t avoid, so the next actions became clear:
clear my mind, reconnect to my body, and create space.

4. Execution

This is where most people freeze — but it’s also where the shift happens.

I executed three actions:

• meditation

• a long walk in the woods

• hot yoga

None of these “fixed” my mood instantly.
That wasn’t the point.

The point was choosing action aligned with my direction — not with my tension.

5. Integration

The insight didn’t happen during meditation.
Or during the walk.
Or even during the yoga flow.

It happened in the final minute of class, when the teacher said:

“Your life is your art.”

And suddenly the whole day made sense.

The observation wasn’t:

“I had a bad day.”

It was:

“I created from tension this morning — and I shifted into alignment through action.”

Integration is noticing:
What did this resistance teach me?
What changed?
How did I show up?
What would bring more peace tomorrow?

That’s Internal Leadership.

The Real Takeaway

Today wasn’t about yoga, meditation, or a long walk.

It was about choosing how I navigated resistance.

I didn’t avoid it.
I didn’t overpower it.
I worked with it.

And that’s the whole point:

When your life is your art, your choices become the brushstrokes.
Internal Leadership is how you choose the next one.

Not perfectly.
Not dramatically.
Just honestly.

One aligned action at a time

If today’s reflection hit you—if you’re noticing you slip into avoidance when resistance shows up—the 8-Week LFP Group is where we build the skillset of Internal Leadership so you can stay aligned even on the hard days.
Interested? Reach out and let’s talk.

When Your Motivation Runs Out: The Shift From Insecure Fuel to Secure Fuel

And why this moment — the one you’re in — is the most important part of change.

There’s a moment in every transformation that almost no one talks about.

The moment when the spark that got you started…
the fuel that pushed you into action…
the energy that carried you through the first few weeks…

runs out.

It doesn’t matter whether the goal is fat loss, training consistency, launching a business, or becoming a better partner or father.

Every meaningful change begins with a burst of energy — and eventually, that burst burns out.

And when it does, most people think something is wrong with them.

But nothing is wrong.

This is the moment where the real work begins.

The Spark That Gets You Started Is Almost Always Insecure Fuel

In my own reflection this morning, I saw it clearly:

My fat-loss phase began with insecure fuel.

Not in a shameful way. Not in a judgmental way.
Just in a human way.

A simple truth:

“I want to look good on the beaches of Brazil.”

That was the spark.

Appearance-driven.
Performance-driven.
Outcome-focused.

Insecure fuel is built on:

• proving

• impressing

• avoiding judgment

• seeking validation

• outrunning inadequacy

It burns hot.
It moves fast.
It creates momentum.

It can give you six powerful weeks of training and nutrition consistency.

But insecure fuel has a predictable pattern:

It burns hot — but it doesn’t burn long.

And when that fuel source empties, you need to lead the shift to a new source.

When Insecure Fuel Fades, Resistance Gets Loud

This is the moment people misinterpret as “falling off,” “losing discipline,” or “self-sabotage.”

But what’s actually happening is much simpler:

Your energy source ran out.

And when it does, Resistance arrives right on schedule:

“You’re fit enough.”
“You’re not going to hit the goal anyway.”
“You deserve a break.”
“Just loosen up a little.”
“This doesn’t matter that much.”

And then the predictable behaviors show up:

• cravings increase

• distractions become appealing

• scrolling replaces presence

• business drive softens

• you think about food more

• your energy dips

• your clarity fades

Not because you’re weaker —
but because insecure fuel has reached the end of its lifespan.

This is the transition point.

This is where most people quit.

But this is also where real transformation begins.

The Transition: Moving From Insecure Fuel to Secure Fuel

When insecure fuel burns out, you’re left with two choices:

Collapse
or
Shift sources.

And shifting sources is what Internal Leadership is built for.

Secure fuel is fundamentally different from insecure fuel.

It’s not about:

• proving

• impressing

• fear

• image

• avoidance

• performance

Secure fuel is built on:

• values

• identity

• integrity

• long-term health

• mental clarity

• the future you want

• the father, partner, and man you’re becoming

• how you want to live, not just how you want to look

In my reflection, I named secure fuel without even realizing it:

“I feel way better under 15% body fat.”
“My mental clarity is higher when I don’t eat sweets.”
“I want to model healthy behavior for my future children.”
“I want to show up with energy and presence for the people I love.”

That’s secure fuel.

And secure fuel doesn’t burn out.

It deepens.

The Most Important Truth Most People Never Learn: You Need More Than One Why

Different whys activate at different stages of change.

Insecure reasons often get you started.
Secure reasons keep you going.

Aesthetic reasons work when resistance is low.
Identity reasons work when resistance rises.
Purpose reasons work when resistance is overwhelming.

“It’s better to have the right reason at the right time.”

Your reasons aren’t failing you.
They’re evolving with you.

Internal Leadership System — In Real Time

This is the part that matters most.

I didn’t shame yourself.
I didn’t collapse.
I didn’t pretend the resistance wasn’t there.

I led myself through it.

Recognition:

I saw the resistance arise — the cravings, the stories, the shifting motivation.

Ownership:

I named the truth: “My original motivation was insecure fuel, and it’s fading.”

Direction:

I reconnected with secure reasons — future fatherhood, mental clarity, feeling better, living in integrity.

Execution:

I chose the next, simplest aligned actions based on secure fuel.

Integration:

I reflected and captured the insight — anchoring it into identity.

This is Internal Leadership.
Not perfection — recalibration.

The Moment When Your Old Motivation Dies Is Not the End — It’s the Beginning

Most people misinterpret this moment and quit the journey.

But this moment is the initiation.

It’s the shift from:

• sprinting to sustaining

• fear to alignment

• proving to becoming

• aesthetics to integrity

• insecure fuel to secure fuel

It’s the emergence of the internal engine — the one you can rely on for years, not weeks.

This is the moment where your transformation becomes real.

A Question to Carry Forward

What does it feel like in your body when secure fuel plugs in —
compared to insecure fuel?

If you’re tired of motivation fading, tired of starting over, tired of relying on insecure fuel…
Join the 8-Week LFP Training Group.
This is where you stop running on fear and start operating from purpose.
Message me if you’re ready.

You Misunderstand Habits (And Why It Sabotages Your Fitness + Life Goals)

The truth about habits, and why the behaviors that matter most will never run on autopilot.

The word habit gets thrown around constantly in the fitness and self-help world.

“Build better habits.”
“Stack your habits.”
“Make working out a habit.”
“If you had stronger habits, you’d be more consistent.”

But here’s the thing no one seems to say out loud:

Most of what people call “habits” are not habits at all.

Not according to the actual science.
Not according to behavioral psychology.
And definitely not according to real-world experience coaching thousands of hours.

And misunderstanding this difference is one of the biggest reasons people feel like they’re failing.

What a Habit Actually Is (According to Behavioral Science)

A habit is not anything you do repeatedly.

A habit is a learned, automatic response triggered by a specific cue — something you do without thinking.

Examples:

• Get into your car → automatically buckle your seatbelt

• Enter a dark room → automatically flip the light switch

• Phone buzzes → automatically check the notification

• Hear the microwave beep → automatically open the door

These behaviors require:

• no emotional navigation

• no identity alignment

• no “dig deep” moment

• no self-talk

• no decision-making

Just cue → action.

They are neural shortcuts — energy-reducing patterns your brain automates for efficiency.

That's what makes them habits.

Which Means… Most of the Behaviors People Care About ARE NOT Habits

Let’s debunk a few things:

Eating three intentional meals a day?
Not a habit.

Waking up early?
Not a habit.

Regular exercise?
Not a habit.

Drinking enough water?
Not a habit.

Stretching every night?
Not a habit.

These behaviors require:

• planning

• emotional regulation

• self-leadership

• internal negotiation

• context awareness

• identity alignment

• choice

They are dynamic behaviors, not automatic ones.

And that distinction changes everything.

Most Meaningful Behaviors Cannot Be Automated — They Must Be Navigated

Most of the behaviors that truly change a person’s life will never become habits.

They will always require Internal Leadership.

Karin Nordin (PhD) says it clearly:

• Some behaviors can live in autopilot → habits.

• Most meaningful behaviors require conscious reflection → routines, rituals, identity-driven actions.

And the moment a behavior requires:

• emotion processing

• resistance management

• decision-making

• perspective shifting

• value alignment

…we leave the world of HABIT
and enter the world of NAVIGATION.

Which is exactly where your Internal Leadership System lives.

Habit Handles the Simple Actions.

Internal Leadership Handles the Meaningful Ones.

Habit = automatic, cue-driven, unconscious

(the nervous system handles it)

Routines, rituals, consistent behaviors = choice-driven, emotional, reflective

(the internal leader handles it)

Take exercise for example.

People say:
“I just need to make working out a habit.”

But exercise is actually a dual-process behavior:

Automatic elements (habit-like):

• putting on your running shoes

• grabbing your gym bag

• driving to the same gym

• choosing your usual locker

These can become automatic.

Reflective elements (the real work):

• managing internal resistance

• navigating your mood

• interpreting bodily cues

• choosing alignment over avoidance

• directing your effort

• deciding to finish strong vs stop early

No part of that is autopilot.

That is Internal Leadership.

And that means:

You don’t fail because you “lack habits.”

You struggle because you lack the skillset to navigate the internal world required for meaningful behaviors.

The Internal Leadership System Is the Missing Layer in Habit Culture

1. Recognition

Seeing what resistance is present.

2. Ownership

Claiming your emotional reality and choosing to act anyway

3. Direction

Reconnecting with the outcome that matters.

4. Execution

Taking one aligned step (not a heroic leap).

5. Integration

Learning from the experience so the next rep is easier.

This is how real consistency is built.

Not through habit formation.
Through internal leadership.

Why People Feel Broken (But Aren’t)

People think:
“If I were disciplined enough, this would be automatic by now.”

But they’re misunderstanding the nature of the behavior.

They are expecting habit in a domain that requires leadership.

They’re waiting for autopilot in a process that will always require consciousness.

It’s not that something is wrong with them.

It’s that the model they were taught is wrong.

The Truth Most Coaches Won’t Tell You

Most life-changing behaviors:

• will never feel effortless

• will never run automatically

• will always require emotional navigation

• will always require internal leadership

And that’s not failure.

That’s the design.

Because meaningful behaviors — health, training, boundaries, self-growth, communication, emotional honesty — all touch the nervous system, identity, and emotional history.

These aren’t shortcuts.

These are leadership reps.

Habits handle the simple actions. Internal Leadership Handles the Meaningful Ones.

If you grasp this, you stop waiting for your life to magically run on autopilot…

…and you start building the inner skillset that actually moves you forward.

If This Hit Home — Join the 8-Week LFP Training Group

If this article made something click…
If you realized you’ve been waiting for “habits” to save you…
If you’re tired of thinking consistency should someday feel effortless…

Then the 8-Week LFP Training Group is exactly where you belong.

Because in LFP, we don’t chase habits.
We build Internal Leaders.

Over eight weeks, you’ll learn how to:

• Navigate resistance instead of avoiding it

• Stay consistent without waiting for motivation

• Build discipline that lasts because it’s earned

• Align your behavior with your identity

• Create routines that support the man you’re becoming

If you’re done pretending your life will someday run on autopilot…
and you’re ready to build the internal leadership that meaningful change requires…

Send me a message or book a call.
Let’s build the skill that habits can’t.

When Goal Setting Becomes Avoidance in Disguise

How to know whether your ambition is genuine — or a socially acceptable way of running from yourself.

There’s a form of self-deception so subtle, so polished, and so socially rewarded that most people never recognize it:

Goal setting as avoidance.

It looks like ambition.
It looks like momentum.
It looks like growth.

But sometimes?

It’s camouflage.

The Hidden Pattern: When Goals Aren’t About Progress — They’re About Escape

People set big, shiny, impressive goals all the time:

• run a marathon

• start a business

• cut body fat

• get a certification

• launch a podcast

• make more money

And on the surface, it all looks like forward motion.

But internally, something else might be happening:

“If I chase THIS impressive thing over here, maybe no one (including me) will notice the real thing I’m avoiding over there.”

It’s:

• productivity as distraction

• self-development as a smokescreen

• ambition as emotional avoidance

The goal becomes a hiding place — one the world applauds you for stepping into.

You get praised for being driven.
You get validated for being focused.
You get admired for “pushing yourself.”

But inside?

You’re running.

Why We Use Goals to Hide

The emotions most people avoid aren’t the loud, dramatic ones.

They’re the quiet, sticky ones:

• shame

• sadness

• unresolved guilt

• fear

• embarrassment

• grief

• inadequacy

• loneliness

• disappointment

Goal setting can temporarily numb these emotions because it gives you something to chase — something to pour energy into — something that feels productive.

A big future goal lets you sprint past the discomfort of the present.

It feels like momentum.
But it’s actually distance:

• distance from the real issue

• distance from the truth you don’t want to name

• distance from the part of yourself asking to be acknowledged

And eventually — inevitably — you arrive at the same stuck place:

You’ve built momentum in the wrong direction.

The Problem: Avoidance Doesn’t Disappear — It Accumulates

When a goal is rooted in avoidance, the motivation eventually burns out.

Because:

• the goal didn’t come from truth

• it came from fear

• it came from emotional hiding

• it came from the need to escape the present moment

You can’t build sustainable behavior on top of emotional avoidance.

Eventually:

• the goal collapses

• the energy fades

• the identity cracks

• the ignored emotions surface

• the gap between who you are and who you pretend to be becomes too loud to ignore

And you’re left not only with the original discomfort —
but with the shame of “failing” the goal that was never aligned in the first place.

So How Do You Know If Your Goal Is Avoidance in Disguise?

Here are the testing questions — honest ones — that reveal the truth.

Use these as a personal audit:

1. Is this goal truly driven by desire — or by discomfort I don’t want to face?

Example:
“I want to lose 20 pounds”
vs
“I want to escape the shame I feel right now.”

2. Am I building toward the future — or sprinting away from the present?

Progress and avoidance can feel identical.
Your body knows the difference.

3. What emotion sits underneath my urgency?

If the emotion is:

• shame

• fear

• grief

• insecurity

…pause.
There’s something to meet before you move.

4. Would I still want this goal if no one could see me succeed?

External validation = avoidance’s favorite fuel.

5. Is this goal helping me become more myself — or helping me hide from myself?

The most important question of them all.

The Turn: When Goals Become Honest

A goal rooted in avoidance collapses.

A goal rooted in truth compounds.

An honest goal doesn’t help you escape who you are.
It helps you become who you are.

And here’s the most important part:

You don’t get aligned goals without first doing real awareness work.

This is where Internal Leadership comes in:

• Recognize the resistance

• Own the emotion without shame

• Get Direction from truth, not avoidance

• Execute one aligned action

• Integrate the lesson

When your goals emerge from this place —
from clarity, not camouflage —
they stop being distractions…

…and start becoming your compass.

If This Hit Something in You — Here’s Your Next Step

If reading this stirred something —
if you suspect some of your goals are actually avoidance in disguise…
if you're tired of sprinting toward impressive things while hiding from uncomfortable truths…

This is exactly the work we do inside the 8-Week LFP Training Group.

It’s where you learn to:

• uncover the real resistance beneath your goals

• stop using ambition as an escape

• build internal leadership so your goals actually come from truth

• take aligned action instead of avoidance-driven action

• rebuild your body and your identity from the inside out

This isn’t goal-setting.
This is self-honesty.
This is internal leadership.
This is becoming someone your goals can rely on.

If you want in — or you’re curious whether this is the right next step — send me a message or book a call.
Let’s get you moving toward truth, not away from it.

Why You Eat at Night (And What It Has to Do with Leadership)

A real conversation, a common pattern, and the deeper work beneath all of it.

Why Naming What You’re Experiencing Is the First Step Toward Changing It

I was folding towels at the gym today when another trainer — a guy with 20+ years in the game — said something that caught me.

“Man, I gotta stop eating like an asshole before going to bed. My weight is up, my sleep is off, and my body doesn’t feel great.”

Here’s what makes that statement powerful:

There is no lack of knowledge here.
There is no lack of awareness.
There is no hiding (consciously).

He knows exactly what’s happening and what the consequences are.

What he’s lacking isn’t information.
It’s leadership — Internal Leadership.

And as a coach (and as a man), it’s tempting to jump straight into “fixer mode.” Offer advice. Provide solutions. Start prescribing tips and habits.

But I didn’t.

Instead, I slowed the moment down.

I checked for understanding:
“Sounds like you’re noticing hunger at night and choosing foods that aren’t helping your sleep or your body. Do I have that right?”

Then validation and empathy:
“That’s a tough time of day to make good decisions, man. I’ve been in that phase — it’s not easy.”

And that alone did something important.

He got to name what he was experiencing.
Naming reduces the intensity. It gives shape to the resistance. It turns something fuzzy into something tangible.

He also got to feel understood — which removes the shame layer that often drives the very behaviors we want to change.

For some men, that moment is enough to create a shift that night.
This is one of the quiet powers inside the LFP Group — being seen, naming the resistance, feeling the weight lift as you are supported.

You cannot change what you cannot name.

Recognition always comes first.

Coaching With Consent

If this trainer had been my client, the coaching would have shifted here.

But the first step would not be giving advice.
The first step would be asking for clarity.

Most coaches, partners, and leaders skip this entirely — and that’s why people pull away or shut down.

I would have asked:

“What do you need right now?
Do you want to be heard?
Do you want advice?
Do you want curiosity into what’s driving this urge?
Or do you want some challenge around your thinking and actions?”

This question does something subtle but powerful:

It turns the conversation into a choice, not a correction.

And when you give people options, something interesting happens:

They usually become open to all of it.

But if you offer advice or challenge without permission (even as a coach), most people defend, justify, or emotionally withdraw. Their ego takes over. Their leadership shuts down.

So let’s assume the answer I hear 80% of the time:

“I’ll take whatever you’ve got. I just want to get back on track.”

This is the green light.
This is consent.
This is where coaching becomes partnership instead of pressure.

Leadership requires direction —
And direction drives the coaching decisions.

Why Most “Hunger” at Night Is Not Hunger at All

Once permission is established, we begin with curiosity, not correction.

Because what many people experience as “hunger” is often emotion wearing a hunger mask.

But we have to check the legitimacy of the experience first. So here’s where I begin:

“How long has this been happening?”
“What have dinners looked like lately?”
“Any changes in how much you’re eating?”
“What about during the day — skipping meals?”
“Any increase in activity or training volume recently?”

If intake is down…
If output is up…
If daily meals are inconsistent…

Then yes — the signal may actually be true hunger.

But when nothing has changed calorically?

It’s probably not hunger.
It’s internal resistance expressed through sensation (emotion).

So the questions shift:

“What else has been going on?”
“More stress? Tension? Sadness?”
“Any emotional events recently?”
“What happens in the hour before the urge to eat?”
“And what’s supposed to happen after?”

Because there is always a pattern.

Here’s a real example from dozens of clients — especially parents in their 30s and 40s:

Before the urge?
Bedtime routine with kids — chaotic, draining, overstimulating.

After the urge?
Time alone with their spouse — which can be comforting, but also activating if any unresolved tension exists.

So the body seeks regulation:
Sugars, carbs, snacks.

Not for energy.
For soothing.

This is emotional activation disguised as hunger.

You cannot out-discipline a problem you haven’t correctly identified.

Curiosity reveals the truth.
And truth makes strategy obvious.

How Leadership Turns Insight Into Aligned Action

Once we know what’s driving the behavior, we move to navigation — the actionable side of Internal Leadership.

There are only two paths:

1. Change the External Environment

This might mean…

• removing trigger foods

• rearranging the routine

• adjusting evening structure

• eating earlier

• prepping satisfying dinners

This path is not weak.
It’s wise.

Reducing activation points is one of the simplest forms of leadership.

2. Change the Internal Environment

This is the deeper work — the Internal Leadership work.

It means:

• recognizing the activation

• naming the emotion

• feeling the sensation

• separating hunger from discomfort

• choosing a response aligned with values

• reinforcing identity through action

Most people fail not because they lack discipline…
but because they lack recognition + ownership + direction in the moments that matter.

One of the most powerful things about leadership is this:

When you understand the real driver of the behavior, the behavior loses its power.
What once felt like a compulsion becomes a decision.

This is what allows someone to say:

“I’m not actually hungry.
I’m stressed.
Or lonely.
Or bracing for tension.
And I know exactly what to do now.”

That’s Internal Leadership.

That’s aligned action.

That’s how people stop eating at night — not through control, but through clarity.

This Is the Work Inside the 8-Week LFP Group

Men don’t need more information.
They don’t need stricter rules.
They don’t need more discipline.

They need the skills of Internal Leadership:

Recognition → Ownership → Direction → Execution → Integration

They need a structure that exposes resistance.
A community that normalizes the struggle.
A framework that gives them tools.
And physical training that makes the resistance visible.

That’s what the 8-Week LFP Group is built for.

If you’re tired of knowing what to do but not consistently doing it…
If you want to understand why you keep getting stuck…
And if you’re ready to build a body — and an internal skill set — you can rely on for the rest of your life…

This is the place.

8 weeks.
10 men.
Internal Leadership + Physical Training.
Starts February 1st.

If you’re curious, message me “LFP” and I’ll send you the details.

Why We Don’t Do The Things We Know We Should Do

And How To Fix It

I was training D.B. this afternoon, and we started with one of his favorite mobility drills. Same pattern he’s done a hundred times, just with a small tweak I added today. And about eight reps in, mid-breath, mid-stretch, he goes:

“Man… I gotta do this every day.”

He wasn’t looking for a coaching moment. He wasn’t trying to impress me. It was one of those honest slips people make only when they’re fully in their body and not filtered through their mind.

So I paused.
Let the silence do a little work.
Then I asked the question:

“Why don’t you?”

We both laughed — because its both obvious and uncomfortable.
It hit at something much deeper.

We let it hang there for a few seconds.
Long enough for him to hear his own truth landing inside his own chest - and me consider my version of this.

Because that single moment — that tiny comment — opens the door to a question almost every man avoids:

Why don’t we do the things we know are good for us?

Why don’t we stretch more?
Why don’t we go to bed earlier?
Why don’t we drink the water we say we need?
Why don’t we train the way we promised ourselves we would?
Why don’t we follow the plan we literally asked for?

It’s never because we don’t know what to do.

It’s because most of us live almost entirely unconscious in the exact moment where the decision is made.

Picture yourself at 8:00 PM on the couch.
You get that tiny flash of awareness — that little whisper:

“I should get on the floor and stretch.”
“I should pack my lunch for tomorrow.”
“I should down one more glass of water.”

And then almost instantly… Resistance steals your attention.
Not with force. Not with drama.
Just a gentle nudge.

A thought about your phone.
A distraction from the dog.
A new episode starting.
A quick, quiet “later.”

And the window closes.
It didn’t feel like a decision (even though it was) — it felt more like a drift.

This is the moment most men never see.
And because they never see it, they think the problem is discipline.
They think they’re weak. Or lazy. Or “not that kind of guy.”

But it’s not discipline they lack — it’s Internal Leadership.

Most men learned one strategy for navigating internal resistance.
Avoidance.

Push it down.
Ignore it.
Don’t feel that.
Don’t think about it.
Stay busy.
Stay distracted.
Stay numb.

It works… until it doesn’t.
And the body always keeps the score on that strategy.

Discipline — real discipline — doesn’t come from ignoring yourself.
It comes from learning how to meet yourself.

Recognition.
Ownership.
Direction.
Execution.
Integration.

This is the part men never learned, because no one ever taught it to them.
And without it, the “I should stretch” moment is always lost before it even begins.

Watching us laugh, then feel the truth of the question “Why don’t you?”, reminded me how universal this all is.

Every man has that moment.
Every man has that drill, that habit, that thing he knows would change his life if he just did it more often.

The difference between who we are and who we want to become is almost always found in those tiny, quiet, unconscious moments where Resistance wins by default.

Internal Leadership gives you a fighting chance.
It lets you see the moment.
Step into it.
And decide instead of drift.

And honestly…
Once you’ve seen that moment clearly, you can’t unsee it.
And that’s where real change starts.

If you’re a man who’s tired of drifting, my 8-Week LFP Group starts February 1, 2026.

It’s designed to help you build Internal Leadership, navigate Resistance, and finally follow through on the things you keep telling yourself you’ll do “someday.”
If this hit something in you, that’s your signal.

Let me know if you want in.