Why Most Men Fail Their Training Before It Ever Starts

And How We Fix That at The Outpost

Most men don’t fail in the gym because they lack discipline.
They fail because they start at the wrong level of the pyramid.

They obsess over exercises, tempos, splits, and “optimal” plans…
while ignoring the one thing that actually determines success:

Adherence.

Not motivation.
Not intensity.
Not willpower.

Adherence — the ability to keep showing up inside real life.

The Uncomfortable Truth

The best program is not the most optimal one.
It’s the one you can actually run consistently.

A “perfect” plan you quit after three weeks loses to a “pretty good” plan you run for three years.

That’s not a character flaw.
That’s being human.

And yet most fitness advice — especially aimed at former athletes — starts at the top of the pyramid instead of the base.

So let’s flip that.

Level 1: Adherence (The Foundation Everyone Skips)

Before we talk about volume, progression, or exercise selection, we ask:

• Can you realistically train this many days per week?

• Do these sessions fit your work, family, and recovery?

• Can you see yourself doing this six months from now?

If the answer is no, the program is already broken.

This is where Internal Leadership begins.
Because adherence isn’t about discipline — it’s about honesty.

Honesty about:

• your schedule

• your energy

• your stress

• your current capacity

This is why at The Outpost, we don’t hand men a generic “optimal” plan.
We build something they can actually live with.

Level 2: Volume & Intensity (Enough — Not Everything)

Once adherence is solid, we adjust stimulus.

Too little volume or intensity? Nothing happens.
Too much? You bury yourself in fatigue and resentment.

There is no universal “optimal” dose — only:

• what you can recover from

• what your life stress allows

• what supports progress without crushing you

More is not better.
Better managed is better.

When men stall, it’s rarely because they need more work.
It’s because the work they’re doing doesn’t match their life.

Level 3: Progression (Growth Without Self-Destruction)

Training without progression is just exercise.

But progression doesn’t mean forcing PRs every week or grinding yourself into the ground.

Progression can look like:

• more reps at the same load

• slightly more load at the same reps

• better execution at the same effort

• more total quality work over time

If you’re constantly restarting programs, failing reps, or feeling beat up, progression isn’t being managed — it’s being forced.

This is where many former athletes get stuck.
They still equate growth with suffering.

At The Outpost, progression is something we sustain, not survive.

Level 4: Exercise Selection (Tools, Not Identity)

Only now do we worry about which exercises you use.

If you need to be strong in a specific lift, train it.
If not, choose movements that:

• feel good in your body

• allow full range of motion

• don’t beat you up before the muscle gets close to failure

• fit your equipment access and preferences

There are no universally “best” exercises.
Only exercises that make sense for you.

(And yes — leg training is still hard. Embrace the suck.)

Level 5: Rest Periods (Performance Over Sweat)

Rest is not weakness.
Sweat is not a virtue signal.

Short rests save time — but often reduce performance and quality.
Longer rests allow:

• more reps

• more load

• better execution

• greater total stimulus

If your goal is strength or muscle, resting until ready beats arbitrarily short rest periods every time.

Level 6: Tempo & Shiny Objects (Last, Not First)

Tempo tweaks.
Pauses.
Slow eccentrics.
Novel methods.

They matter — after levels 1–5 are handled.

Most men get lost here because it feels productive.
But it’s distraction disguised as sophistication.

The Real Takeaway

Most men don’t need:

• more complexity

• more intensity

• more “edge”

They need:

• honesty

• alignment

• consistency

• leadership over ego

That’s what we build at The Outpost.

Not just better bodies — but men who know how to lead themselves through resistance, inside and outside the gym.

When “That’s Just Not Me” Is Actually Self-Protection

This was one of those coaching moments where nothing flashy happened.

No breakthrough plan.
No new program.
No clever solution.

But something shifted — because we slowed down instead of solving.

A.A. told me she wants to get more consistent with training on the days she isn’t working with me.

When she’s signed up for something — a class, a program, or a commitment she’s paid for — she shows up.
When she isn’t? It’s much harder to follow through.

So I checked for understanding.

“It sounds like you do really well when you’re accountable to someone or something — a coach, a class, money. Do I have that right?”

She nodded.

I asked the question I always ask in moments like this:

“Do you want solutions, or do you want support?”

Like most people, she said some version of both.

Two Paths to the Same Outcome

So I laid out two paths that could lead to the same result.

The first path is external:
Use the structures that already work.
Classes.
Programs.
Accountability.
Financial commitment.

This path bypasses internal resistance.
It takes less energy.
And it still produces results.

The second path is internal:
Slow down.
Get curious.
Understand what makes it hard to be accountable to yourself.
Build the skill of Internal Leadership.

This path takes more effort.
It’s messier.
But the growth carries over into the rest of life — not just workouts.

I told her both paths are valid.

The real question is:
What matters most in this season of life?

That’s when she asked,
“What do you mean by internal resistance?”

The Identity Statement That Opened the Door

I brought us back to something she had said earlier in the session.

“I’m just not that person who can get up early to workout all the time.”

I paused there.

“That sounds like an identity statement,” I said.
“Do you believe people are born that way — or is it something learned?”

She thought about it for a moment.

“Learned,” she said.

Which matters.

Because if it’s learned, it’s not a personality trait.
It’s not fixed.
It’s not fate.

It’s a skill.

And skills require leadership to develop.

Then I asked the question that changed the direction of the session:

“What do you think holding that belief is doing for you?”

At first, she didn’t know.

That’s normal. Most people have never been asked that question before.

So I offered a reflection.

“I think it might be protecting you.”

When Identity Becomes Armor

We explored that idea together.

Identifying as “someone who just can’t get up early to work out” does something important.

It protects her from the discomfort of becoming that person.

Because becoming someone new isn’t clean or linear.
It involves missed days.
False starts.
Mistakes.

And with those come emotions:
Shame.
Guilt.
Sadness.
Self-criticism.

The same emotions she had described feeling earlier in the week after missing a workout.

By claiming a fixed identity, she removes the risk.

No attempt means no failure.
No failure means no emotional discomfort.

And then she said it — quietly, honestly:

“Oh wow… yeah. I’m protecting myself.”

This Is What Internal Resistance Actually Looks Like

This is the part most people miss.

Internal resistance doesn’t usually show up as laziness.
Or lack of discipline.
Or not caring enough.

It shows up as self-protection.

As identity statements that sound true, but function as shields.

“I’m just not that disciplined.”
“I’m not a morning person.”
“I’ve never been consistent.”
“That’s just not who I am.”

Those statements feel stabilizing.
They reduce uncertainty.
They prevent disappointment.

But they also quietly cap growth.

External Accountability Isn’t the Enemy

Here’s something important:

External accountability isn’t bad.
Classes work.
Programs work.
Structure works.

For many people, especially in demanding seasons of life, it’s the right tool.

But it’s worth noticing what it does.

External accountability can produce action without requiring you to face internal resistance.
Which is efficient.
And sometimes exactly what’s needed.

The trade-off is that the deeper work — learning to tolerate discomfort without abandoning yourself — doesn’t always happen.

Again, that doesn’t make one path better.
It makes them different.

Internal Leadership asks a different question:
Can I stay with myself when this feels uncomfortable?

What Growth Actually Requires

Growth doesn’t start with forcing yourself to change.

It starts with being willing to feel what you’ve been avoiding — without hiding behind identity.

Internal Leadership isn’t about becoming tougher.
It’s about becoming more honest.

Honest about:
What scares you.
What you avoid.
What emotions you don’t want to feel.
What identities keep you safe.

And choosing — gently, consciously — to stay present anyway.

A Reflection to Sit With

If you’re reading this, here’s the question I’ll leave you with:

Where in your life might an identity statement be protecting you from discomfort?

And where might you be ready to lead yourself — not by forcing change, but by staying present through the uncomfortable parts of becoming?

No pressure.
No judgment.
Just curiosity.

That’s where real change actually begins.

Can “Wanting to Look Better” Come From a Healthy Place?

I ran into a former client in the gym the other morning.

We worked together for about 18 months before I transitioned her to another trainer to better match a new schedule after her son graduated high school. Life shifted. Priorities shifted. The usual stuff.

What caught my eye immediately was that she looked different. Leaner, yes — but more than that, she looked energized.

I stopped by while she was warming up on the rower.

“You look like you’ve had more energy lately,” I said.
“What’s changed?”

She smiled.

“Oh, I’m back to tracking and meal prepping. Down about 16 pounds. And I’m actually sleeping again.”

I told her how good it was to see that.

Then she added, almost casually:

“Yeah… I’m going to be on a beach in Hawaii for a week soon. I wanted to feel good wearing my bikini.”

That line stuck with me for the rest of the day.

Because if you work in fitness long enough, you’re trained to hear that sentence a certain way.

Aesthetic goal.
Insecure fuel.
Short-term motivation.
Future rebound.

And sometimes… that’s exactly what it is.

But this time, I wasn’t so sure.

The Automatic Assumption About Aesthetic Goals

In coaching and self-development spaces, there’s an unspoken hierarchy of goals.

“Look better” tends to sit near the bottom.

It’s often framed as:

• shallow

• ego-driven

• insecure

• rooted in shame

• unsustainable

While goals like:

• “feel better”

• “be healthier”

• “have more energy”

• “live longer”

are considered more evolved. More mature. More acceptable.

There’s truth in that framing — but it’s incomplete.

Because it assumes that what the goal is tells us why the goal exists.

And psychology tells us that’s not how motivation actually works.

Insecurity vs. Security Isn’t About the Goal — It’s About the Source

The same external goal can come from very different internal places.

In Self-Determination Theory (Deci & Ryan), motivation falls broadly into two categories:

• Controlled motivation (externally driven):
  rooted in pressure, comparison, approval, fear, or avoidance of shame.

• Autonomous motivation (internally driven):
  rooted in values, self-respect, identity, and personal meaning.

Both can drive behavior.
But they feel very different inside the body.

And they produce very different long-term outcomes.

So let’s take aesthetics.

“I want to look better” can absolutely be driven by insecurity:

• “I want to look better than her.”

• “I want people to think I’m attractive.”

• “I don’t feel worthy unless my body looks a certain way.”

That’s motivation rooted in comparison, approval, and conditional self-worth.

But there’s another version that doesn’t get talked about enough.

When Wanting to Look Better Comes From Security

“I want to look better for me.”

That sentence often gets dismissed as a rationalization — but sometimes, it’s honest.

Here’s what it can actually mean:

• “I respect myself enough to take care of my body.”

• “I feel better in my skin when I’m consistent with my habits.”

• “I want to show up feeling confident and energized in an experience I’m excited about.”

• “I like what it feels like when my actions align with how I want to live.”

That’s not shame.

That’s self-respect.

In psychological terms, this aligns more closely with approach-based motivation rather than avoidance-based motivation.

You’re not running from being unacceptable.
You’re moving toward feeling aligned.

What Changed With This Client — And Why It Matters

Here’s the part that really matters to me as a coach.

When we worked together, she used to yo-yo.

She could be incredibly dialed:

• tracking

• meal prepping

• losing weight

And then work would hit a busy season:

• stress goes up

• sleep goes down

• energy to lead at work goes up

• energy to lead herself goes down

And the habits would fall apart.

What struck me this time wasn’t just that she was losing weight.

It was when.

She’s in a busy season right now.

Which tells me something important:

This isn’t about white-knuckling.
This isn’t about panic motivation.
This isn’t about punishing herself for a vacation body.

She’s navigating stress differently.
She’s protecting sleep.
She’s leading herself under load.

The bikini isn’t the whole story.

It’s the spark, not the engine.

Secure Motivation Feels Different in the Body

Here’s a practical way to tell the difference between insecure and secure fuel.

Insecure motivation feels like:

• pressure

• urgency

• comparison

• anxiety

• tightness

• “I should”

• “I have to”

Secure motivation feels like:

• steadiness

• clarity

• ownership

• calm focus

• “I want”

• “This matters to me”

One drains you.
The other organizes you.

And that distinction matters far more than the surface-level goal.

Internal Leadership Is What Determines the Outcome

This is where Internal Leadership comes in.

Because goals don’t live in isolation.
They live inside real lives, real stress, real schedules, real nervous systems.

Internal Leadership is the skill that allows someone to ask:

• Why am I pursuing this?

• What fuel am I using right now?

• Is this coming from judgment or respect?

• Can I stay aligned when resistance shows up?

Without that skill, even “good” goals collapse.

With it, even aesthetic goals can become expressions of self-care rather than self-criticism.

A More Honest Reframe

Maybe the question isn’t:

“Is wanting to look better shallow or insecure?”

Maybe the better question is:

“What relationship do I have with myself while I’m pursuing this?”

Because self-love doesn’t always look like acceptance without effort.

Sometimes it looks like:

• structure

• boundaries

• consistency

• saying no

• choosing long-term alignment over short-term comfort

That’s not punishment.

That’s leadership.

A Closing Reflection

The next time you hear yourself say,
“I want to look better,”

Don’t rush to judge it.

Pause and ask:

• Is this coming from self-rejection or self-respect?

• Am I trying to prove something — or honor something?

• Does this goal tighten me — or organize me?

The answer won’t be in the mirror.

It’ll be in how you treat yourself when the motivation wears off and resistance shows up.

That’s where the truth always is.

When Habits Work — and When They Don’t

James Clear’s Atomic Habits changed my life.

I don’t say that lightly.

It found me at the right time and right place in life. It gave me part of the road map I needed to get back to the best and truest version of myself.

Learning how to design better environments, reduce friction, and make good behavior easier was a turning point for me. Those principles helped me rebuild consistency in training, routines, and daily structure at a time when I desperately needed something solid to hold onto.

But here’s something I’ve come to understand more clearly with time:

Atomic Habits worked so well for me because it coincided with deep internal work I was doing at the same time.

Building Emotional Intelligence through self study and therapy.
Learning how to name what I was feeling instead of avoiding it.

I didn’t just change my external environment.
I changed my internal environment.

And that matters more than most people realize.

What Atomic Habits Does Exceptionally Well

At its core, Atomic Habits teaches this:

Design better environments so good behavior is easier than bad behavior.

Reduce friction.
Stack habits.
Make the right choice obvious.
Make the wrong choice harder.

That approach works—especially when life is relatively predictable.

When your schedule is stable.
When stress is manageable.
When your emotional world is regulated.
When you’re not carrying a lot of unresolved internal tension.

In those conditions, external structure is powerful.

Where Things Start to Break Down

Most men don’t fail on calm, predictable Tuesdays.

They struggle when:

• work gets chaotic

• kids get sick

• sleep falls apart

• travel disrupts routines

• stress spikes

• emotions surface

• old patterns get triggered

The environment breaks.
Emotional energy is in flux.
Routines dissolve.

And when that happens, many men conclude:
“I lack discipline.”
“I’m not consistent.”
“I just need to try harder.”

But that’s usually not the real issue.

The issue is that no one taught them how to lead themselves when the environment stops cooperating.

Two Different Levers

This is the distinction I’ve been sitting with.

Atomic Habits works best when life is predictable.
It gives you tools to align your actions by shaping what’s around you.

Navigation exists for when life isn’t.
It focuses on how you relate to what’s happening inside you when pressure shows up.

Put simply:

• Atomic Habits helps you act when conditions are favorable.

• Navigation helps you act when resistance is present.

One reduces friction on the front end.
The other teaches you how to move through it on the backend.

The Missing Skill Isn’t Knowledge

Most of the men I work with already know what to do.

They know they should train.
They know they should sleep more.
They know they should eat better.
They know what consistency looks like.

What they don’t know is how to respond when:

• motivation disappears

• anxiety spikes

• shame creeps in

• overwhelm takes over

• avoidance feels safer than effort

That’s not a habit problem.
That’s an internal leadership problem.

Inside-Out Work Changes the Equation

When I look back, I can see that Atomic Habits helped me build structure on the outside.

But the reason it stuck was because I was also learning how to:

• recognize emotional states

• sit with discomfort

• name resistance

• choose direction instead of drifting

• take ownership without self-attack

Those skills weren’t taught by habit design alone.

They came from internal work.

And once those capacities were in place, habits didn’t just form—they held under pressure.

This Isn’t Either / Or

This isn’t about choosing one framework over the other.

It’s about knowing which lever you’re pulling—and when.

External structure matters.
Internal leadership matters.

But if you’ve already tried systems, routines, and optimization—and they keep breaking when life gets messy—the work isn’t to design a better plan.

The work is to learn how to lead yourself when the plan breaks.

That’s the space I’m exploring now.
That’s the gap Navigation is meant to address.
And it’s where most men get stuck—not because they’re weak, but because no one ever taught them this part.

If this feels like the crossroads your at on your health and fitness journey i’m here to help. I’ve got an 8 week group starting Feb 15, 2026 where we build the internal leadership skills with the support of other men on the same path. Group support, 1:1 coaching, program and nutrition to support your goal. Find out more here.

How to Create a Health or Fitness Outcome in 8 Weeks

A Practical Guide to Stability, Consistency, and Internal Leadership

Most people approach health and fitness goals the same way.

They pick an outcome.
They feel motivated.
They start strong.

And then… life happens.

Work gets busy.
Energy drops.
Schedules change.
Thoughts spiral.
Feelings take over.

And before they realize it, they’re reacting to resistance instead of leading through it.

When progress stalls, they assume the problem is discipline.

But true discipline is not something you start with.
It’s something you earn.

Discipline is the well-worn path of navigation.
It comes after learning how to move through resistance—not before.

And here’s the truth that changes everything:

You don’t rise to the level of your goals.
You fall to your ability to navigate resistance.

If you understand that, an 8-week outcome stops being about motivation—and starts being about stability and consistency through Internal Leadership.

Let me show you how I coach this in practice.

Step 1: Start With a Specific, Measurable Outcome (Not a Vague Goal)

“Get in better shape” is vague.
“Be healthier” is general.
“Feel better” is hard to measure.

These are intentions—not objectives.

Intentions are where goals are born from.
But they are not strong enough to drive real change.

An outcome needs to be:

• specific

• measurable

• objective

• time-bound

Examples:

• Lose 8 pounds in 8 weeks

• Drop 3% body fat in 8 weeks

• Train 3x/week consistently for 8 weeks

• Complete all programmed sessions for 8 weeks

• Eat within a defined calorie or protein target 6 days/week for 8 weeks

Clarity matters because vague goals make resistance invisible.

You can’t navigate what you can’t see.

Step 2: Mine the Source (Fuel to Act)

Action comes easily at the beginning.

There’s excitement.
Momentum.
Energy.

But that fuel runs out quickly.

And when it does—after a long day of work, when stress is high and decision fatigue is heavy—the voice shows up:

“Just take the night off.”

This is where most people fold.

Because they never built a stronger, more stable fuel source.

So here’s what I have clients do:

Write down every reason why achieving this goal matters to you.
Be honest.
Be specific.

You need 7–10 reasons.

Why?

Because on any given day, you can talk yourself out of five of them.
But never seven.

Eventually, one will land with enough energy to move you into aligned action.

Once the list is written:

• Label each reason as secure or insecure

Secure reasons come from love, purpose, values, and the life you want to build.
Insecure reasons come from fear, shame, or conditioned beliefs.

Then reorder the list:

• Secure reasons first

• Insecure reasons last

We don’t want to reinforce insecure fuel—but we do acknowledge it exists.

Sometimes it’s a break-glass-in-case-of-emergency source.

And consciously choosing aligned action from a less-preferred fuel source is still better than no aligned action at all.

Step 3: Name the Resistance Before It Shows Up

This is where most plans fail.

People design programs as if resistance won’t appear—
and then panic when it does.

A wise man once said:

“Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the face.”

Resistance-setting is having a plan for the punch.

There are two types:

External Resistance

• work schedule

• kids’ activities

• travel

• holidays

• fatigue

• limited equipment

• social obligations

Internal Resistance

• “I’m too tired”

• “This doesn’t matter today”

• cravings

• boredom

• doubt

• stress eating

• all-or-nothing thinking

• emotional avoidance

The goal isn’t to eliminate resistance.

The goal is to anticipate it.

Surprise knocks people off track.
Preparation keeps them aligned.

Step 4: Start Taking Action Tomorrow

At this point you have everything you need to get started.

When resistance shows up tomorrow—and it will—you always have two options:

Avoidance

• push it down

• distract

• “deal with it later”

• override it with intensity

• pretend it’s not there

Avoidance can produce short bursts of progress.

But it always collapses.

Internal Leadership

This is the path that sustains results.

Step 5: Apply the Internal Leadership System Daily

This is the core of the 8-week process.

Showing up for yourself every day with awareness and alignment.

1. Recognition

What’s showing up right now?

• thoughts

• emotions

• urges

• stories

“I don’t feel like training.”
“I’m stressed.”
“I want comfort.”

Name it.

2. Ownership

Validate it.
“This makes sense.”
“I’m human.”
“This is real.”

Then take responsibility:
“And I’m responsible for navigating this.”

3. Direction

Reconnect to your outcome and your reasons why.
Move down the list until one provides enough energy to act in alignment.

Direction collapses confusion.

4. Execution

Take one aligned action.

• not heroic

• not perfect

• not intense

Just the next right step:

• start the warm-up

• prep one meal

• protein snack instead of sugar

• walk for 20 minutes

• complete the session as written

Mood follows action.
Small wins build momentum.

5. Integration

The most skipped—and most important—step.

Reflect:

• What resistance showed up?

• How did I navigate it?

• What worked?

• What didn’t?

• What will make this easier next time?

This is how discipline is earned.

Step 6: Tracking to Strengthen the System

You track for two reasons:

1. Objective feedback so you can adjust

2. Pattern recognition around resistance

AM Tracking

• What external resistance do I anticipate today?

• What internal resistance do I anticipate today?

• How will I navigate each?

PM Tracking

• What actions were aligned?

• What actions weren’t?

• What resistance showed up?

• How did I navigate it?

• What advice would I give myself next time?

This turns experience into practice.
Practice turns effort into discipline.
Discipline turns action into identity.

What 8 Weeks Is Really For

An 8-week block isn’t just about fat loss, strength, or aesthetics.

It’s about practicing a new relationship with resistance.

Meeting parts of yourself you’ve avoided.
Working with them instead of against them.

If you complete 8 weeks of:

• recognizing resistance

• owning it

• choosing direction

• executing aligned action

• integrating the lesson

You don’t just get an outcome.

You leave with:

• better self-trust

• stronger internal leadership

• less reliance on motivation

• more consistency under pressure

And that’s what makes the next 8 weeks easier.

That’s what moves you from struggling → disciplined → identified.

The Real Takeaway

Health and fitness outcomes don’t come from better plans.

They come from better leadership in moments of resistance.

If you can lead yourself through today…
you don’t need to worry about the next 8 weeks.

They’ll take care of themselves. Because you can take care of yourself.

Steal this. Apply it to your goal. And then jump on call with me and tell me what worked and what didn’t. I’m here to help.

“I’m Just Not That Guy.”

What Men Are Really Saying When They Say It

“I’m just not that guy.”

I’ve heard this sentence more times than I can count.

About nutrition.
About workouts.
About consistency.
About effort.
About the ways men choose — or don’t choose — to show up for themselves and the people they care about.

And every time I hear it, I know one thing for sure:

That sentence is only half the truth.

The Sentence That Sounds Strong — But Often Isn’t

On the surface, “I’m just not that guy” sounds confident.

Definitive.
Certain.
Almost grounded.

It sounds like identity.

But more often than not, it’s something else entirely.

It’s identity armor.

A way to opt out without having to say why.
A way to avoid effort without having to admit fear.
A way to protect self-worth by never putting it at risk.

Because the unspoken continuation of that sentence is usually this:

“I’m not that guy because if I give my full effort and fail, I’ll have to confront something I don’t want to feel.”

Why Effort Feels Dangerous for Many Men

For a lot of men, worth gets tied to performance early.

Win.
Achieve.
Be competent.
Be useful.
Don’t look weak.
Don’t look lost.

When that wiring is in place, failure doesn’t feel like feedback.

It feels personal.

So effort becomes risky.

Because if you try and fail, you don’t just fail at the task —
you risk failing at being “enough.”

That’s when “I’m just not that guy” becomes useful.

It lets you:

• avoid the vulnerability of trying

• avoid the exposure of effort

• avoid the discomfort of incompetence

• avoid the emotional weight of disappointment

And you can do all of that while sounding self-aware and confident.

It’s safe.
It’s clean.
And it keeps you protected.

This Isn’t Weakness — It’s a Coping Strategy

This matters:

Men don’t use this sentence because they’re lazy or broken.

They use it because at some point in their life, it worked.

It protected them from shame.
It helped them maintain status.
It kept their ego intact.
It allowed them to stay functional in environments that didn’t leave much room for uncertainty or softness.

The problem isn’t that the strategy existed.

The problem is when it never gets updated.

Because what once protected you can eventually imprison you.

How Identity Freezes Growth

“I’m just not that guy” turns something temporary into something permanent.

A moment of fear becomes a fixed identity.
A lack of skill becomes a character trait.
A shortcoming becomes a life sentence.

And once identity freezes, growth stops.

Not because you can’t change —
but because you’ve declared that change would be a betrayal of who you are.

This is where most men get stuck.

Not in lack of knowledge.
Not in lack of opportunity.
But in an identity that’s doing more protecting than guiding.

When the Same Sentence Is Actually Healthy

Here’s the part most people miss:

The sentence itself isn’t the problem.

The source of the sentence is.

Because there are times when “I’m not that guy” is grounded, honest, and secure.

For example:

“I’m not that guy because that path isn’t aligned with my goals, values, or the life I’m building.”

That’s not avoidance.
That’s discernment.

That’s not fear.
That’s clarity.

That version doesn’t shrink you.
It focuses you.

The difference isn’t the words.
It’s the internal state they’re coming from.

Fear vs. Clarity: The Real Distinction

Here’s the question that matters:

Is this identity statement coming from protection or purpose?

From:

• fear or clarity

• insecurity or security

• avoidance or alignment

Insecure identity statements:

• reduce risk

• avoid effort

• protect ego

• freeze growth

Secure identity statements:

• narrow focus

• protect values

• create direction

• support becoming

One shields you from discomfort.
The other points you toward who you’re becoming.

Turning Identity From a Shield Into a Compass

This is where Internal Leadership shows up — quietly, practically, without drama.

It doesn’t demand that you “be that guy.”

It asks something more honest.

Recognition

Notice when the sentence appears.
“I’m just not that guy.”

Ownership

Ask what it’s protecting you from.
Failure? Shame? Exposure? Disappointment?

Direction

Clarify what actually matters to you.
What kind of man are you becoming — not avoiding?

Execution

Take one small, aligned action that tests the story without overwhelming you.

Integration

Reflect honestly.
Did the identity protect you — or limit you?

This isn’t about forcing change.

It’s about telling the truth.

A Reflection to Sit With

The next time you hear yourself say:

“I’m just not that guy…”

Pause.

And ask:

Is this identity protecting me from fear…
or pointing me toward alignment?

Is it a shield…
or a compass?

That distinction makes all the difference.

Not in how strong you sound —
but in who you allow yourself to become.

If you want help turning identity from a shield into a compass — and learning how to lead yourself through resistance instead of avoiding it — the 8-Week LFP Training Group is where that work happens.
Reach out if you’re curious.

The 4 Stages of Change

And Why Most People Never Leave the First One

Most people think change is about willpower.

Or discipline.
Or motivation.
Or finding the “right program.”

But after years of coaching humans through health, fitness, careers, life events, and identity shifts, I’ve learned something simpler — and harder — than all of that:

Most people don’t fail at change.
They never actually enter it.

They think they’re navigating change…
when they’re really just drifting with better intentions.

Why “Trying Harder” Rarely Works

When someone tells me they’re stuck, it’s almost never because they don’t know what to do.

They know they should:

• train more consistently

• eat better

• sleep more

• drink less

• manage stress

• move their body

• take care of themselves

The issue isn’t information.

The issue is leadership.

Specifically:
the lack of Internal Leadership when resistance shows up.

That’s where the 4 Stages of Change actually live.

Not as a linear ladder.
Not as permanent states.
But as fluid conditions you move in and out of over a lifetime.

Stage 1: Drifting

Drifting is the unconscious stage.

Life is happening to you, not through you.

Choices are driven by:

• emotional states

• stress

• fatigue

• conditioned beliefs

• habits

• momentum

• other people’s expectations

There’s no active leadership here.
Just reaction.

This is where a lot of men quietly end up after big life changes.

A common example:
A man becomes a father.
Or takes on a demanding career.
Or both.

At first, there’s intention:
“I’ll still train.”
“I’ll still take care of myself.”
“I won’t let this slip.”

But slowly:

• workouts get skipped

• food choices become reactive

• sleep erodes

• alcohol creeps up

• energy drops

• identity shifts without being acknowledged

Nothing dramatic happens.
No big failure.
No collapse.

Just drift.

And the dangerous part?

Drifting doesn’t feel wrong at first.
It feels normal.

Stage 2: Navigation

Navigation is where awareness begins.

This is where someone says:
“Something needs to change.”

Usually it shows up around:

• weight gain

• pain

• fatigue

• low energy

• frustration

• feeling disconnected from themselves

This is the stage most people think they’re in.

But here’s the hard truth:

Recognition is not navigation.

It’s only step one. Awareness alone feels like progress.
It feels productive.
It feels responsible.

But without action — it’s still drifting with better language.

Navigation requires learning how to move through resistance.

And there are two kinds of resistance that must be navigated:

External Resistance

• time

• work demands

• kids’ schedules

• travel

• fatigue

• life logistics

These are real.
They matter.
But they’re rarely the true blocker.

Internal Resistance

• thoughts

• emotions

• beliefs

• avoidance

• self-talk

• shame

• fear

• “I don’t feel like it”

• “This isn’t the right time”

This is where most people stall.

Instead of navigating internal resistance, they blame external resistance.

And so they stay stuck — thinking they’re navigating change when they’re actually still drifting.

Stage 3: Discipline

Discipline is not force.

It’s not white-knuckling.
It’s not motivation.
It’s not intensity.

Discipline emerges when Internal Leadership becomes efficient.

This is what that looks like in real life:

You feel resistance…
and you move anyway.

Not blindly.
Not aggressively.
Consciously and quickly.

The gap between:
“I don’t feel like it”
and
“I’m doing it”
gets smaller.

Recognition and action collapse into the same moment.

That’s discipline.

It’s not about overpowering yourself.
It’s about leading yourself through resistance quickly and honestly.

And discipline is never permanent.

It’s a capacity you access — not a trait you possess.

Stage 4: Identity

This is the low to no friction stage.

Behaviors no longer feel like chores.
They feel like expressions of who you are.

Training becomes routine.
Nutrition becomes rhythm.
Movement becomes part of life.

But here’s the mistake people make:

They assume identity is permanent.

It’s not.

Identity shifts when life shifts.

Becoming a father shifts identity.
Career growth shifts identity.
Aging shifts identity.
Injury shifts identity.

Identity doesn’t usually regress — it evolves.

And when it evolves, Internal Leadership is required again to realign behavior with values and direction.

Without that leadership?
Drift returns.

The Through-Line: Internal Leadership

Internal Leadership is the skill that connects all four stages.

It’s what allows you to:

• recognize drift early

• enter navigation honestly

• build discipline consciously

• express identity sustainably

And most importantly:

Internal Leadership is what brings you back into navigation when life knocks you back into drift.

Because it will.
That’s not failure.
That’s being human.

The difference between men who stay aligned over decades…
and men who repeatedly “start over”…

…isn’t motivation.

It’s the ability to lead themselves internally when circumstances change.

The Real Work of Change

Lasting change isn’t about staying disciplined forever.

It’s about developing the skill to notice when you’re drifting —
and the courage to step back into navigation without shame.

Again.
And again.
And again.

That’s the work.

Not perfection.
Not intensity.
Not willpower.

Internal Leadership.

And that’s what makes change sustainable —
not just for a season, but for a life.

Look Better.

The Four Levers Everyman Must Understand

Every man I train between, 25 and 55, eventually circles back to the same honest desire:

I want to look better.

They might say it in different ways:

“I want to see my abs again.”
“I want my arms to fill out a shirt.”
“I want to look like I actually train.”
“I want to look athletic again.”

And physiologically, “looking better” means two things:

1. Decrease body fat percentage (get rid of what’s hiding the muscle that’s already there)

2. Maintain or increase muscle mass (have something to show)

Regardless of whether it’s secure or insecure fuel driving the desire, the body only understands physiology.

And the physiology to these outcomes runs on four simple levers:

1. Caloric Intake

2. Protein Intake

3. Training Volume & Intensity

4. Caloric Expenditure

These four levers determine your body composition.
But before we touch any of them, we have to clarify something most men never slow down to consider:

What do you actually mean by “look better”?

Because there are two very different goals hidden inside that one phrase.
And each requires a different path.

Path 1: “Look Better” = Lose Body Fat While Maintaining Muscle

(Lean out → reveal what’s already there)

This is the right path if:

• You’re 10–30 lbs heavier than you want to be

• You feel inflamed, sluggish, or disconnected

• You haven’t trained consistently in months or years

• You want to see noticeable changes in the next 8–12 weeks

• You want to reveal muscle you already have

This is the classic “trim down and look more athletic” path.

Here’s how the levers shift:

Caloric Intake:

Moderate deficit — enough to lose fat without losing muscle.

Protein Intake:

High (0.7–1.0 g/lb ideal bodyweight) to protect and maintain muscle.

Training Volume & Intensity:

Slightly lower volume, high intensity.
Your body needs the message: We still need this muscle.

Caloric Expenditure:

Helpful but not mandatory.
Just enough to support the deficit and maintain overall work capacity.

This path makes you look tighter, leaner, and sharper quickly.

Path 2: “Look Better” = Build Muscle First, THEN Lose Body Fat

(Build → then strategically lean out)

This is the right path if:

• You’re “lean enough” but not muscular

• You look thin in clothes but soft without them

• You’ve been under-eating for years

• You want a dramatic, long-term physique change

• You don’t yet have the muscle mass you want to reveal

This is the “look like you actually train” path.

Here’s how the levers shift:

Caloric Intake:

Maintenance or slight surplus — enough fuel to grow.

Protein Intake:

Still high. Muscle needs signal and materials.

Training Volume & Intensity:

Higher volume, structured progression, more total work.
Intensity matters, so that stays high too.

Caloric Expenditure:

Minimal.
Just enough to stay healthy — not enough to steal recovery resources.

This path isn’t fast.
But it produces the biggest transformation.

It’s how you build shoulders that cap, arms that fill shirts, legs that look athletic, and a physique you’re proud to reveal when you cut later.

The Mistake Most Men Make

Most men try to chase both paths simultaneously:

• Eat less AND build muscle

• Do more conditioning AND lift heavier

• Cut fat AND grow arms

• Train like a bodybuilder AND recover like a busy father with a full-time job

This creates stalled progress, frustration, and the belief that “nothing works for me.”

But nothing is supposed to work when the levers point in opposite directions.

“Looking better” becomes simple when you define what you actually want:

• Do you want to look leaner now? → Path 1

• Do you want to look more muscular later? → Path 2

Once the aim is clear, the levers fall into place.

The Four Levers, Simplified

Regardless of the path, these are the tools:

1. Caloric Intake

Fat loss = deficit
Muscle gain = maintenance/surplus

2. Protein Intake

0.7–1.0 g/lb ideal body weight
A litte lower when cutting, a little higher when building

3. Training Volume + Intensity

A little lower when cutting (due to less available energy)
More when building (due to more available energy)

4. Caloric Expenditure

Increased when cutting
Decreased when building

That’s the entire physiological process.

Not glamorous.
Not complicated.
Just precise.

Why This Matters for Men 35–55

Because most men at this age aren’t lacking effort — they’re lacking clarity.

They’re pulling levers in opposite directions.
They’re trying to build and burn at the same time.
Or they’re training hard but fueling like someone who doesn’t want muscle.

Your body isn’t confused.
Your strategy is.

But when you understand the process…
everything becomes predictable.

Look Better = Identify your path
→ Set the levers correctly
→ Stay consistent
→ Adjust with intention
→ Lead yourself through resistance

This isn’t motivation.
It’s leadership — Internal Leadership — applied to physiology:

Recognition → Ownership → Direction → Execution → Integration.

Want Help Running the Process?

Enrollment for the 8-Week LFP Group is now open.

Inside the program, you’ll get:

• A custom nutrition plan matched precisely to your path (fat loss or muscle building)

• A training program built for your goals, schedule, and body

• Weekly coaching to keep your levers aligned

• A group of 10 other men rebuilding their bodies — and their internal leadership — from the inside out

If you want to look better, feel better, and train with a system that actually works…

Send me a message with “LFP” and I’ll send you the details.

The Right Goal at the Wrong Time Will Still Fail

And Why That Doesn’t Mean You’re Failing

Two weeks ago, my client G.H. — a 43-year-old father of three — told me he was ready to get serious about dropping body fat again.

When he started with me eight weeks ago, he’d already lost about 25 pounds on his own. Then he hit a wall for a few months. No more progress. No forward momentum. He wasn’t gaining weight, but he wasn’t moving either.

So we tightened up his training.
We bumped up his protein.
We kept him at maintenance calories until he felt ready to cut.

And two weeks ago, he said, “I’m ready.”

Most people would look at the calendar and think:

“Right after Thanksgiving? In December? Is that really the best time?”

Like most things in training, performance, and behavior change…
it depends.

Some people can cut this time of year.
I’m doing it myself — a 9-week cut before I fly out for a trip on Christmas Day.

But here’s the difference:

I knew exactly what resistance I’d face.
I knew how I’d navigate it.
And I cleared the space in my life for it to work.

For G.H., it was a completely different story.

When the Goal Is Right but the Timing Is Wrong

For him, it wasn’t primarily internal resistance that stopped progress.
(Though we’ve only begun scratching the surface of that work.)

It was external resistance — the kind that is real, valid, and incredibly difficult to outmaneuver without serious preparation.

G.H. is a father of three.

All three are in ballet.

And December?
December is chaos.
Rehearsals.
Dress runs.
Recitals.
Back-to-back nights of driving an hour each way after work.
Gone from home from 6–9 p.m. almost every evening.

Trying to stay in a consistent caloric deficit under those circumstances?

Not impossible…

…but absolutely more demanding.

Could he have navigated it with strict food planning, meal prep, and tight execution?

Yes.

But the real question — the one most people don’t ask — is:

“Is pursuing this goal right now worth the extra energy it will cost me?”

After two weeks of trying, he realized it wasn’t.

Not because he’s weak.
Not because he’s uncommitted.
Not because the goal doesn’t matter.

But because the season of life he’s in right now doesn’t match the energy required for that specific goal.

So instead of forcing it, he made the right call:

Stay in maintenance.
Get through this busy season intact.
Protect his bandwidth.
Maintain consistency where it’s realistic.
And pick up the fat-loss goal once the performances end and life opens up again.

This is what wise decision-making looks like.
This is Internal Leadership applied to external resistance.

Most People Never Learn This: Timing Is a Skill

You can have the right goal and still fail if the timing is wrong.

Not because you’re flawed — but because goals require energy, attention, structure, and capacity.

Fat loss isn’t just “eat less.”
It’s:

• meal planning

• food availability

• consistent routines

• stable evenings

• lower stress

• predictable patterns

• mental bandwidth

If the season of your life doesn’t support those behaviors, you’re fighting uphill every single day.

And when every day requires a battle…
you burn out.

The smarter play is what G.H. did:

Align the timing with the capacity.

He’ll drop fat faster and more sustainably in January — not because January is magical, but because his life will actually support the behaviors that fat loss requires.

Internal Leadership at Play

This is exactly what Internal Leadership looks like in the real world:

Recognition:

“I don’t have the bandwidth for a deficit right now.”

Ownership:

“This is my season of life — it makes sense that it’s hard. And it’s my responsiblity to do something about it.

Direction:

“What’s the aligned choice for this moment?”

Execution:

“Shift to maintenance. Protect consistency. Try again later.”

Integration:

Next time he starts a cut, he’ll know exactly what season of life supports success — and which ones don’t.

This is not quitting.
This is not avoidance.

This is choosing a strategy aligned with reality, not fantasy.

Most people fail because they try to force a goal into a season that can’t support it.

G.H. made the opposite choice:
He chose alignment over ego.
Wisdom over pressure.
Long-term success over short-term performance.

And that’s what creates sustainable change.

If you want help choosing the right goal for the season you’re in—and building the skill of Internal Leadership to stay consistent—the 8-Week LFP Training Group is where we do that work.
Message me for details.

You Don’t Rise to the Level of Your Goals…

…You Fall to Your Ability to Navigate Resistance

Here’s the truth almost no one learns early enough:

Your goals aren’t the problem.
Your resistance is.

People think they fail because the goal was too big…
or they lacked motivation…
or life got busy…
or they need better planning.

But achieving goals and outcomes don’t require perfect conditions.

They require one thing:

The ability to meet resistance in real time and navigate it conciously.

And that’s where most people fall apart.

What Resistance Really Is

Resistance is anything that creates friction between where you are now and where you’re trying to go.

And it always shows up the moment action is required.

There are two kinds:

1. External Resistance

This includes obstacles outside your control:

• work deadlines

• kids’ schedules

• fatigue

• sickness

• unexpected events

• time constraints

• travel

• life being life

External resistance matters.
But external resistance is not what stops most people.

Because most of us can figure out logistics when we need to.

What actually derails us is the resistance inside the logistics.

2. Internal Resistance

This is everything happening inside you:

• emotions

• urges

• fear

• doubt

• apathy

• overwhelm

• the subtle “I don’t feel like it”

• old stories

• identity patterns

• shame spirals

• comparison

• self-criticism

• internal pressure

• the part of you that wants comfort, not growth

Internal resistance is quiet.
It’s fast.
It’s subtle.
And it shows up in the exact three-second window where action is needed.

This is the resistance most people never learn how to recognize and navigate.

And so they don’t fail at taking action…
they fail at navigating the resistance to the action.

Two Ways to Navigate Internal Resistance

When internal resistance shows up, you only have two paths:

1. Avoidance

Avoidance can has two potential outcomes:

1. Not taking action. This sounds like:

“Later.”
“Not today.”
“I’m too tired.”
“I’ll start over Monday.”
“One day won’t matter.”
“I need to feel more motivated.”

2. Taking action. This sounds like:

“Fuck it.”
“I’ll deal with this later.”
“I’m just gonna stuff this one down deep.”
“Ehh, whatever.”
“I don’t want to feel this.”

Avoidance with action works…
but only in the short term.

Avoidance keeps you unconscious.
It keeps you in patterns.
It keeps you reacting instead of leading.
And eventually, it collapses.

2. Internal Leadership

Internal Leadership is the opposite of avoidance.

It keeps you conscious inside the moment of choice.

It looks like this:

Recognition

Notice what’s happening inside your body and mind.
Name the resistance: “I feel tired. I feel afraid. I feel overwhelmed.”

Ownership

Validate your internal state and take responsibility for it.
“It makes sense I feel this way. And it’s my responsibility to navigate it.”

Direction

Reconnect to the outcome you want and the reasons why it matters.
Point your attention back toward your goal.

Execution

Take one aligned action — small, grounded, doable.
Not heroic. Not dramatic. Just aligned.

Integration

Reflect afterward.
What did you learn?
What shifted?
What got easier?
You make the hill smaller next time.

This isn’t motivation.
This isn’t hype.
This isn’t willpower.

This is leadership: conscious navigation of internal resistance.

Why People Really Fail

People don’t fail because their goals are too big.

They fail because:

• their resistance goes unnamed

• their emotions go unacknowledged

• their internal world goes unled

• they’re operating unconsciously in the moments that matter most

The hardest part of change isn’t the action.

It’s the moment before the action —
where resistance shows up, quietly asking you to drift…instead of decide.

That’s the moment people lose.

Not because they’re weak.
But because no one ever taught them how to lead themselves through it.

Internal Leadership: The System That Keeps You in the Driver’s Seat

Avoidance can move you forward temporarily, but it keeps you asleep at the wheel.

Internal Leadership wakes you up.

It keeps you behind the steering wheel of your life —
present, aware, honest, intentional.

Your goals don’t require talent.
Your goals don’t require motivation.
Your goals don’t require perfect planning.

Your goals require the skill of navigating internal resistance.

And that is the core of my work.

Teaching people how to stay conscious in the moment where resistance rises…
so they stop abandoning themselves
and finally become the person their goals keep asking them to be.

If you want to build the skill of navigating internal resistance—not through avoidance, but through true Internal Leadership—the 8-Week LFP Training Group is where we do that work.
Message me if you want details.

Your Life Is Your Art — And Today I Had to Lead Myself Through It

A Lesson in UnFunking Yourself

I woke up in a funk today.

Not overwhelmed.
Not spiraling.
Just off.

That quiet kind of tension where you can’t quite explain what’s wrong, but you can feel you’re not fully in yourself.

My first thought was: “I probably need to meditate or journal.”
I had a few cancelations, so I did what I could:
I meditated.
I took a 75-minute walk alone in the woods.
I went to hot yoga that evening.

And at the end of class, my teacher said a line that landed harder than anything else I heard all day:

“Your life is your art.”

Simple.
Direct.
True.

And it sparked the series of questions I needed:

Am I creating today from tension or relaxation?
From connection or disconnection?
From expansion or constriction?
From alignment or conditioning?
From fear or courage?

And when my head hits the pillow tonight…
Will I be at peace with the art I created today?

That was the moment I realized:
I wasn’t navigating through avoidance — I was navigating through Internal Leadership.

Two Paths of Navigation: Avoidance or Internal Leadership

Every time resistance shows up, you have two options:

1. Avoidance

Distract.
Numb.
Scroll.
Dissociate.
Push it down.
Hope it passes.

2. Internal Leadership

Turn toward the experience.
Name it.
Work with it.
Choose aligned action despite it.

Today, I could feel the fork in the road.
Avoidance would have been easy — get on my phone, eat mindlessly, disconnect, blame the mood.

But I chose the second path — not perfectly, but intentionally.

And the day became a real-time example of the Internal Leadership System in action.

Recognition → Ownership → Direction → Execution → Integration

Here’s how today unfolded through that lens:

1. Recognition

I noticed the funk.
The tension.
The heaviness.
The lack of clarity.

I didn’t overanalyze it — I just acknowledged what was there. I named it.

This step matters more than people think.
If you can’t recognize resistance, you’ll react unconsciously to it.

2. Ownership

Instead of judging myself, I said:

“Yeah, it makes sense I feel this way. And i’m okay is where I’m at today.”

No shame.
No fixing.
No pretending.

Just accepting reality as it was. And being responsible for it.

3. Direction

Once I saw the resistance clearly, the next question was:

“What’s the most aligned thing I can do right now to move toward the person I want to be today?”

Not the perfect thing.
Not the productive thing.
Just the aligned thing.

I am working towards being someone who doesn’t avoid, so the next actions became clear:
clear my mind, reconnect to my body, and create space.

4. Execution

This is where most people freeze — but it’s also where the shift happens.

I executed three actions:

• meditation

• a long walk in the woods

• hot yoga

None of these “fixed” my mood instantly.
That wasn’t the point.

The point was choosing action aligned with my direction — not with my tension.

5. Integration

The insight didn’t happen during meditation.
Or during the walk.
Or even during the yoga flow.

It happened in the final minute of class, when the teacher said:

“Your life is your art.”

And suddenly the whole day made sense.

The observation wasn’t:

“I had a bad day.”

It was:

“I created from tension this morning — and I shifted into alignment through action.”

Integration is noticing:
What did this resistance teach me?
What changed?
How did I show up?
What would bring more peace tomorrow?

That’s Internal Leadership.

The Real Takeaway

Today wasn’t about yoga, meditation, or a long walk.

It was about choosing how I navigated resistance.

I didn’t avoid it.
I didn’t overpower it.
I worked with it.

And that’s the whole point:

When your life is your art, your choices become the brushstrokes.
Internal Leadership is how you choose the next one.

Not perfectly.
Not dramatically.
Just honestly.

One aligned action at a time

If today’s reflection hit you—if you’re noticing you slip into avoidance when resistance shows up—the 8-Week LFP Group is where we build the skillset of Internal Leadership so you can stay aligned even on the hard days.
Interested? Reach out and let’s talk.

When Your Motivation Runs Out: The Shift From Insecure Fuel to Secure Fuel

And why this moment — the one you’re in — is the most important part of change.

There’s a moment in every transformation that almost no one talks about.

The moment when the spark that got you started…
the fuel that pushed you into action…
the energy that carried you through the first few weeks…

runs out.

It doesn’t matter whether the goal is fat loss, training consistency, launching a business, or becoming a better partner or father.

Every meaningful change begins with a burst of energy — and eventually, that burst burns out.

And when it does, most people think something is wrong with them.

But nothing is wrong.

This is the moment where the real work begins.

The Spark That Gets You Started Is Almost Always Insecure Fuel

In my own reflection this morning, I saw it clearly:

My fat-loss phase began with insecure fuel.

Not in a shameful way. Not in a judgmental way.
Just in a human way.

A simple truth:

“I want to look good on the beaches of Brazil.”

That was the spark.

Appearance-driven.
Performance-driven.
Outcome-focused.

Insecure fuel is built on:

• proving

• impressing

• avoiding judgment

• seeking validation

• outrunning inadequacy

It burns hot.
It moves fast.
It creates momentum.

It can give you six powerful weeks of training and nutrition consistency.

But insecure fuel has a predictable pattern:

It burns hot — but it doesn’t burn long.

And when that fuel source empties, you need to lead the shift to a new source.

When Insecure Fuel Fades, Resistance Gets Loud

This is the moment people misinterpret as “falling off,” “losing discipline,” or “self-sabotage.”

But what’s actually happening is much simpler:

Your energy source ran out.

And when it does, Resistance arrives right on schedule:

“You’re fit enough.”
“You’re not going to hit the goal anyway.”
“You deserve a break.”
“Just loosen up a little.”
“This doesn’t matter that much.”

And then the predictable behaviors show up:

• cravings increase

• distractions become appealing

• scrolling replaces presence

• business drive softens

• you think about food more

• your energy dips

• your clarity fades

Not because you’re weaker —
but because insecure fuel has reached the end of its lifespan.

This is the transition point.

This is where most people quit.

But this is also where real transformation begins.

The Transition: Moving From Insecure Fuel to Secure Fuel

When insecure fuel burns out, you’re left with two choices:

Collapse
or
Shift sources.

And shifting sources is what Internal Leadership is built for.

Secure fuel is fundamentally different from insecure fuel.

It’s not about:

• proving

• impressing

• fear

• image

• avoidance

• performance

Secure fuel is built on:

• values

• identity

• integrity

• long-term health

• mental clarity

• the future you want

• the father, partner, and man you’re becoming

• how you want to live, not just how you want to look

In my reflection, I named secure fuel without even realizing it:

“I feel way better under 15% body fat.”
“My mental clarity is higher when I don’t eat sweets.”
“I want to model healthy behavior for my future children.”
“I want to show up with energy and presence for the people I love.”

That’s secure fuel.

And secure fuel doesn’t burn out.

It deepens.

The Most Important Truth Most People Never Learn: You Need More Than One Why

Different whys activate at different stages of change.

Insecure reasons often get you started.
Secure reasons keep you going.

Aesthetic reasons work when resistance is low.
Identity reasons work when resistance rises.
Purpose reasons work when resistance is overwhelming.

“It’s better to have the right reason at the right time.”

Your reasons aren’t failing you.
They’re evolving with you.

Internal Leadership System — In Real Time

This is the part that matters most.

I didn’t shame yourself.
I didn’t collapse.
I didn’t pretend the resistance wasn’t there.

I led myself through it.

Recognition:

I saw the resistance arise — the cravings, the stories, the shifting motivation.

Ownership:

I named the truth: “My original motivation was insecure fuel, and it’s fading.”

Direction:

I reconnected with secure reasons — future fatherhood, mental clarity, feeling better, living in integrity.

Execution:

I chose the next, simplest aligned actions based on secure fuel.

Integration:

I reflected and captured the insight — anchoring it into identity.

This is Internal Leadership.
Not perfection — recalibration.

The Moment When Your Old Motivation Dies Is Not the End — It’s the Beginning

Most people misinterpret this moment and quit the journey.

But this moment is the initiation.

It’s the shift from:

• sprinting to sustaining

• fear to alignment

• proving to becoming

• aesthetics to integrity

• insecure fuel to secure fuel

It’s the emergence of the internal engine — the one you can rely on for years, not weeks.

This is the moment where your transformation becomes real.

A Question to Carry Forward

What does it feel like in your body when secure fuel plugs in —
compared to insecure fuel?

If you’re tired of motivation fading, tired of starting over, tired of relying on insecure fuel…
Join the 8-Week LFP Training Group.
This is where you stop running on fear and start operating from purpose.
Message me if you’re ready.

You Misunderstand Habits (And Why It Sabotages Your Fitness + Life Goals)

The truth about habits, and why the behaviors that matter most will never run on autopilot.

The word habit gets thrown around constantly in the fitness and self-help world.

“Build better habits.”
“Stack your habits.”
“Make working out a habit.”
“If you had stronger habits, you’d be more consistent.”

But here’s the thing no one seems to say out loud:

Most of what people call “habits” are not habits at all.

Not according to the actual science.
Not according to behavioral psychology.
And definitely not according to real-world experience coaching thousands of hours.

And misunderstanding this difference is one of the biggest reasons people feel like they’re failing.

What a Habit Actually Is (According to Behavioral Science)

A habit is not anything you do repeatedly.

A habit is a learned, automatic response triggered by a specific cue — something you do without thinking.

Examples:

• Get into your car → automatically buckle your seatbelt

• Enter a dark room → automatically flip the light switch

• Phone buzzes → automatically check the notification

• Hear the microwave beep → automatically open the door

These behaviors require:

• no emotional navigation

• no identity alignment

• no “dig deep” moment

• no self-talk

• no decision-making

Just cue → action.

They are neural shortcuts — energy-reducing patterns your brain automates for efficiency.

That's what makes them habits.

Which Means… Most of the Behaviors People Care About ARE NOT Habits

Let’s debunk a few things:

Eating three intentional meals a day?
Not a habit.

Waking up early?
Not a habit.

Regular exercise?
Not a habit.

Drinking enough water?
Not a habit.

Stretching every night?
Not a habit.

These behaviors require:

• planning

• emotional regulation

• self-leadership

• internal negotiation

• context awareness

• identity alignment

• choice

They are dynamic behaviors, not automatic ones.

And that distinction changes everything.

Most Meaningful Behaviors Cannot Be Automated — They Must Be Navigated

Most of the behaviors that truly change a person’s life will never become habits.

They will always require Internal Leadership.

Karin Nordin (PhD) says it clearly:

• Some behaviors can live in autopilot → habits.

• Most meaningful behaviors require conscious reflection → routines, rituals, identity-driven actions.

And the moment a behavior requires:

• emotion processing

• resistance management

• decision-making

• perspective shifting

• value alignment

…we leave the world of HABIT
and enter the world of NAVIGATION.

Which is exactly where your Internal Leadership System lives.

Habit Handles the Simple Actions.

Internal Leadership Handles the Meaningful Ones.

Habit = automatic, cue-driven, unconscious

(the nervous system handles it)

Routines, rituals, consistent behaviors = choice-driven, emotional, reflective

(the internal leader handles it)

Take exercise for example.

People say:
“I just need to make working out a habit.”

But exercise is actually a dual-process behavior:

Automatic elements (habit-like):

• putting on your running shoes

• grabbing your gym bag

• driving to the same gym

• choosing your usual locker

These can become automatic.

Reflective elements (the real work):

• managing internal resistance

• navigating your mood

• interpreting bodily cues

• choosing alignment over avoidance

• directing your effort

• deciding to finish strong vs stop early

No part of that is autopilot.

That is Internal Leadership.

And that means:

You don’t fail because you “lack habits.”

You struggle because you lack the skillset to navigate the internal world required for meaningful behaviors.

The Internal Leadership System Is the Missing Layer in Habit Culture

1. Recognition

Seeing what resistance is present.

2. Ownership

Claiming your emotional reality and choosing to act anyway

3. Direction

Reconnecting with the outcome that matters.

4. Execution

Taking one aligned step (not a heroic leap).

5. Integration

Learning from the experience so the next rep is easier.

This is how real consistency is built.

Not through habit formation.
Through internal leadership.

Why People Feel Broken (But Aren’t)

People think:
“If I were disciplined enough, this would be automatic by now.”

But they’re misunderstanding the nature of the behavior.

They are expecting habit in a domain that requires leadership.

They’re waiting for autopilot in a process that will always require consciousness.

It’s not that something is wrong with them.

It’s that the model they were taught is wrong.

The Truth Most Coaches Won’t Tell You

Most life-changing behaviors:

• will never feel effortless

• will never run automatically

• will always require emotional navigation

• will always require internal leadership

And that’s not failure.

That’s the design.

Because meaningful behaviors — health, training, boundaries, self-growth, communication, emotional honesty — all touch the nervous system, identity, and emotional history.

These aren’t shortcuts.

These are leadership reps.

Habits handle the simple actions. Internal Leadership Handles the Meaningful Ones.

If you grasp this, you stop waiting for your life to magically run on autopilot…

…and you start building the inner skillset that actually moves you forward.

If This Hit Home — Join the 8-Week LFP Training Group

If this article made something click…
If you realized you’ve been waiting for “habits” to save you…
If you’re tired of thinking consistency should someday feel effortless…

Then the 8-Week LFP Training Group is exactly where you belong.

Because in LFP, we don’t chase habits.
We build Internal Leaders.

Over eight weeks, you’ll learn how to:

• Navigate resistance instead of avoiding it

• Stay consistent without waiting for motivation

• Build discipline that lasts because it’s earned

• Align your behavior with your identity

• Create routines that support the man you’re becoming

If you’re done pretending your life will someday run on autopilot…
and you’re ready to build the internal leadership that meaningful change requires…

Send me a message or book a call.
Let’s build the skill that habits can’t.

When Goal Setting Becomes Avoidance in Disguise

How to know whether your ambition is genuine — or a socially acceptable way of running from yourself.

There’s a form of self-deception so subtle, so polished, and so socially rewarded that most people never recognize it:

Goal setting as avoidance.

It looks like ambition.
It looks like momentum.
It looks like growth.

But sometimes?

It’s camouflage.

The Hidden Pattern: When Goals Aren’t About Progress — They’re About Escape

People set big, shiny, impressive goals all the time:

• run a marathon

• start a business

• cut body fat

• get a certification

• launch a podcast

• make more money

And on the surface, it all looks like forward motion.

But internally, something else might be happening:

“If I chase THIS impressive thing over here, maybe no one (including me) will notice the real thing I’m avoiding over there.”

It’s:

• productivity as distraction

• self-development as a smokescreen

• ambition as emotional avoidance

The goal becomes a hiding place — one the world applauds you for stepping into.

You get praised for being driven.
You get validated for being focused.
You get admired for “pushing yourself.”

But inside?

You’re running.

Why We Use Goals to Hide

The emotions most people avoid aren’t the loud, dramatic ones.

They’re the quiet, sticky ones:

• shame

• sadness

• unresolved guilt

• fear

• embarrassment

• grief

• inadequacy

• loneliness

• disappointment

Goal setting can temporarily numb these emotions because it gives you something to chase — something to pour energy into — something that feels productive.

A big future goal lets you sprint past the discomfort of the present.

It feels like momentum.
But it’s actually distance:

• distance from the real issue

• distance from the truth you don’t want to name

• distance from the part of yourself asking to be acknowledged

And eventually — inevitably — you arrive at the same stuck place:

You’ve built momentum in the wrong direction.

The Problem: Avoidance Doesn’t Disappear — It Accumulates

When a goal is rooted in avoidance, the motivation eventually burns out.

Because:

• the goal didn’t come from truth

• it came from fear

• it came from emotional hiding

• it came from the need to escape the present moment

You can’t build sustainable behavior on top of emotional avoidance.

Eventually:

• the goal collapses

• the energy fades

• the identity cracks

• the ignored emotions surface

• the gap between who you are and who you pretend to be becomes too loud to ignore

And you’re left not only with the original discomfort —
but with the shame of “failing” the goal that was never aligned in the first place.

So How Do You Know If Your Goal Is Avoidance in Disguise?

Here are the testing questions — honest ones — that reveal the truth.

Use these as a personal audit:

1. Is this goal truly driven by desire — or by discomfort I don’t want to face?

Example:
“I want to lose 20 pounds”
vs
“I want to escape the shame I feel right now.”

2. Am I building toward the future — or sprinting away from the present?

Progress and avoidance can feel identical.
Your body knows the difference.

3. What emotion sits underneath my urgency?

If the emotion is:

• shame

• fear

• grief

• insecurity

…pause.
There’s something to meet before you move.

4. Would I still want this goal if no one could see me succeed?

External validation = avoidance’s favorite fuel.

5. Is this goal helping me become more myself — or helping me hide from myself?

The most important question of them all.

The Turn: When Goals Become Honest

A goal rooted in avoidance collapses.

A goal rooted in truth compounds.

An honest goal doesn’t help you escape who you are.
It helps you become who you are.

And here’s the most important part:

You don’t get aligned goals without first doing real awareness work.

This is where Internal Leadership comes in:

• Recognize the resistance

• Own the emotion without shame

• Get Direction from truth, not avoidance

• Execute one aligned action

• Integrate the lesson

When your goals emerge from this place —
from clarity, not camouflage —
they stop being distractions…

…and start becoming your compass.

If This Hit Something in You — Here’s Your Next Step

If reading this stirred something —
if you suspect some of your goals are actually avoidance in disguise…
if you're tired of sprinting toward impressive things while hiding from uncomfortable truths…

This is exactly the work we do inside the 8-Week LFP Training Group.

It’s where you learn to:

• uncover the real resistance beneath your goals

• stop using ambition as an escape

• build internal leadership so your goals actually come from truth

• take aligned action instead of avoidance-driven action

• rebuild your body and your identity from the inside out

This isn’t goal-setting.
This is self-honesty.
This is internal leadership.
This is becoming someone your goals can rely on.

If you want in — or you’re curious whether this is the right next step — send me a message or book a call.
Let’s get you moving toward truth, not away from it.

Why You Eat at Night (And What It Has to Do with Leadership)

A real conversation, a common pattern, and the deeper work beneath all of it.

Why Naming What You’re Experiencing Is the First Step Toward Changing It

I was folding towels at the gym today when another trainer — a guy with 20+ years in the game — said something that caught me.

“Man, I gotta stop eating like an asshole before going to bed. My weight is up, my sleep is off, and my body doesn’t feel great.”

Here’s what makes that statement powerful:

There is no lack of knowledge here.
There is no lack of awareness.
There is no hiding (consciously).

He knows exactly what’s happening and what the consequences are.

What he’s lacking isn’t information.
It’s leadership — Internal Leadership.

And as a coach (and as a man), it’s tempting to jump straight into “fixer mode.” Offer advice. Provide solutions. Start prescribing tips and habits.

But I didn’t.

Instead, I slowed the moment down.

I checked for understanding:
“Sounds like you’re noticing hunger at night and choosing foods that aren’t helping your sleep or your body. Do I have that right?”

Then validation and empathy:
“That’s a tough time of day to make good decisions, man. I’ve been in that phase — it’s not easy.”

And that alone did something important.

He got to name what he was experiencing.
Naming reduces the intensity. It gives shape to the resistance. It turns something fuzzy into something tangible.

He also got to feel understood — which removes the shame layer that often drives the very behaviors we want to change.

For some men, that moment is enough to create a shift that night.
This is one of the quiet powers inside the LFP Group — being seen, naming the resistance, feeling the weight lift as you are supported.

You cannot change what you cannot name.

Recognition always comes first.

Coaching With Consent

If this trainer had been my client, the coaching would have shifted here.

But the first step would not be giving advice.
The first step would be asking for clarity.

Most coaches, partners, and leaders skip this entirely — and that’s why people pull away or shut down.

I would have asked:

“What do you need right now?
Do you want to be heard?
Do you want advice?
Do you want curiosity into what’s driving this urge?
Or do you want some challenge around your thinking and actions?”

This question does something subtle but powerful:

It turns the conversation into a choice, not a correction.

And when you give people options, something interesting happens:

They usually become open to all of it.

But if you offer advice or challenge without permission (even as a coach), most people defend, justify, or emotionally withdraw. Their ego takes over. Their leadership shuts down.

So let’s assume the answer I hear 80% of the time:

“I’ll take whatever you’ve got. I just want to get back on track.”

This is the green light.
This is consent.
This is where coaching becomes partnership instead of pressure.

Leadership requires direction —
And direction drives the coaching decisions.

Why Most “Hunger” at Night Is Not Hunger at All

Once permission is established, we begin with curiosity, not correction.

Because what many people experience as “hunger” is often emotion wearing a hunger mask.

But we have to check the legitimacy of the experience first. So here’s where I begin:

“How long has this been happening?”
“What have dinners looked like lately?”
“Any changes in how much you’re eating?”
“What about during the day — skipping meals?”
“Any increase in activity or training volume recently?”

If intake is down…
If output is up…
If daily meals are inconsistent…

Then yes — the signal may actually be true hunger.

But when nothing has changed calorically?

It’s probably not hunger.
It’s internal resistance expressed through sensation (emotion).

So the questions shift:

“What else has been going on?”
“More stress? Tension? Sadness?”
“Any emotional events recently?”
“What happens in the hour before the urge to eat?”
“And what’s supposed to happen after?”

Because there is always a pattern.

Here’s a real example from dozens of clients — especially parents in their 30s and 40s:

Before the urge?
Bedtime routine with kids — chaotic, draining, overstimulating.

After the urge?
Time alone with their spouse — which can be comforting, but also activating if any unresolved tension exists.

So the body seeks regulation:
Sugars, carbs, snacks.

Not for energy.
For soothing.

This is emotional activation disguised as hunger.

You cannot out-discipline a problem you haven’t correctly identified.

Curiosity reveals the truth.
And truth makes strategy obvious.

How Leadership Turns Insight Into Aligned Action

Once we know what’s driving the behavior, we move to navigation — the actionable side of Internal Leadership.

There are only two paths:

1. Change the External Environment

This might mean…

• removing trigger foods

• rearranging the routine

• adjusting evening structure

• eating earlier

• prepping satisfying dinners

This path is not weak.
It’s wise.

Reducing activation points is one of the simplest forms of leadership.

2. Change the Internal Environment

This is the deeper work — the Internal Leadership work.

It means:

• recognizing the activation

• naming the emotion

• feeling the sensation

• separating hunger from discomfort

• choosing a response aligned with values

• reinforcing identity through action

Most people fail not because they lack discipline…
but because they lack recognition + ownership + direction in the moments that matter.

One of the most powerful things about leadership is this:

When you understand the real driver of the behavior, the behavior loses its power.
What once felt like a compulsion becomes a decision.

This is what allows someone to say:

“I’m not actually hungry.
I’m stressed.
Or lonely.
Or bracing for tension.
And I know exactly what to do now.”

That’s Internal Leadership.

That’s aligned action.

That’s how people stop eating at night — not through control, but through clarity.

This Is the Work Inside the 8-Week LFP Group

Men don’t need more information.
They don’t need stricter rules.
They don’t need more discipline.

They need the skills of Internal Leadership:

Recognition → Ownership → Direction → Execution → Integration

They need a structure that exposes resistance.
A community that normalizes the struggle.
A framework that gives them tools.
And physical training that makes the resistance visible.

That’s what the 8-Week LFP Group is built for.

If you’re tired of knowing what to do but not consistently doing it…
If you want to understand why you keep getting stuck…
And if you’re ready to build a body — and an internal skill set — you can rely on for the rest of your life…

This is the place.

8 weeks.
10 men.
Internal Leadership + Physical Training.
Starts February 1st.

If you’re curious, message me “LFP” and I’ll send you the details.

Why We Don’t Do The Things We Know We Should Do

And How To Fix It

I was training D.B. this afternoon, and we started with one of his favorite mobility drills. Same pattern he’s done a hundred times, just with a small tweak I added today. And about eight reps in, mid-breath, mid-stretch, he goes:

“Man… I gotta do this every day.”

He wasn’t looking for a coaching moment. He wasn’t trying to impress me. It was one of those honest slips people make only when they’re fully in their body and not filtered through their mind.

So I paused.
Let the silence do a little work.
Then I asked the question:

“Why don’t you?”

We both laughed — because its both obvious and uncomfortable.
It hit at something much deeper.

We let it hang there for a few seconds.
Long enough for him to hear his own truth landing inside his own chest - and me consider my version of this.

Because that single moment — that tiny comment — opens the door to a question almost every man avoids:

Why don’t we do the things we know are good for us?

Why don’t we stretch more?
Why don’t we go to bed earlier?
Why don’t we drink the water we say we need?
Why don’t we train the way we promised ourselves we would?
Why don’t we follow the plan we literally asked for?

It’s never because we don’t know what to do.

It’s because most of us live almost entirely unconscious in the exact moment where the decision is made.

Picture yourself at 8:00 PM on the couch.
You get that tiny flash of awareness — that little whisper:

“I should get on the floor and stretch.”
“I should pack my lunch for tomorrow.”
“I should down one more glass of water.”

And then almost instantly… Resistance steals your attention.
Not with force. Not with drama.
Just a gentle nudge.

A thought about your phone.
A distraction from the dog.
A new episode starting.
A quick, quiet “later.”

And the window closes.
It didn’t feel like a decision (even though it was) — it felt more like a drift.

This is the moment most men never see.
And because they never see it, they think the problem is discipline.
They think they’re weak. Or lazy. Or “not that kind of guy.”

But it’s not discipline they lack — it’s Internal Leadership.

Most men learned one strategy for navigating internal resistance.
Avoidance.

Push it down.
Ignore it.
Don’t feel that.
Don’t think about it.
Stay busy.
Stay distracted.
Stay numb.

It works… until it doesn’t.
And the body always keeps the score on that strategy.

Discipline — real discipline — doesn’t come from ignoring yourself.
It comes from learning how to meet yourself.

Recognition.
Ownership.
Direction.
Execution.
Integration.

This is the part men never learned, because no one ever taught it to them.
And without it, the “I should stretch” moment is always lost before it even begins.

Watching us laugh, then feel the truth of the question “Why don’t you?”, reminded me how universal this all is.

Every man has that moment.
Every man has that drill, that habit, that thing he knows would change his life if he just did it more often.

The difference between who we are and who we want to become is almost always found in those tiny, quiet, unconscious moments where Resistance wins by default.

Internal Leadership gives you a fighting chance.
It lets you see the moment.
Step into it.
And decide instead of drift.

And honestly…
Once you’ve seen that moment clearly, you can’t unsee it.
And that’s where real change starts.

If you’re a man who’s tired of drifting, my 8-Week LFP Group starts February 1, 2026.

It’s designed to help you build Internal Leadership, navigate Resistance, and finally follow through on the things you keep telling yourself you’ll do “someday.”
If this hit something in you, that’s your signal.

Let me know if you want in.

Quitting: Self-Protection or Self-Realization?

How to Know Whether You’re Walking Away Out of Fear — or Growing Out of Your Old Life

There’s a question I’ve been sitting with lately — one I wish someone had given me a decade ago:

When you quit something… are you protecting yourself, or realizing yourself?

Because quitting isn’t one thing.
It’s two very different experiences that feel almost identical in the moment.

One is collapse.
One is evolution.

And if you don’t know the difference, you can stay stuck for years in the wrong job, the wrong identity, the wrong chapter of your life — because you’re afraid that walking away makes you weak.

But quitting isn’t always weakness.

Sometimes quitting is the first honest thing you’ve done in a long time.

Fear-Based Quitting vs Truth-Based Quitting

Most people never learn the difference.

Fear-Based Quitting (self-protection):

• “This is too much.”

• “I don’t know if I’m good enough.”

• “I’m overwhelmed.”

• “I can’t handle it.”

• “What if I fail?”

Fear-based quitting is collapse.
It’s hiding.
It’s shrinking.
It’s avoidance dressed up as logic.

Truth-Based Quitting (self-realization):

• “This no longer fits who I’m becoming.”

• “My values have shifted.”

• “This chapter is complete.”

• “I’m not abandoning something — I’m stepping toward something else.”

• “I’ve outgrown this version of myself.”

Truth-based quitting is expansion.
It’s alignment.
It’s integrity.
It’s evolution.

From the outside, both look the same:
You’re walking away.

But internally, they’re worlds apart.

My Story: Walking Away From My “Dream Job”

For years, coaching college soccer at my alma mater was the dream.

I built my worth around it.
I built my identity and confidence through it.
I built my life around being that guy.

Younger me would’ve killed for the opportunity I ultimately earned.

On paper, it was perfect.

Inside, something was shifting.

There were whispers at first — small signals I didn’t want to hear:

• The excitement felt different.

• The stress hit deeper.

• My body felt heavier.

• I felt pulled somewhere else.

• I felt a truth I couldn’t name yet.

So I ignored it.

I told myself all the right-sounding reasons:
“Everyone feels stressed.”
“This is just a phase.”
“Don’t be ungrateful.”
“This is the job you worked for.”
“Push harder.”

And my ego screamed back:

“You’re a failure.”
”You don’t deserve this.”
”Quit now before you embarrass yourself more.”

I was caught between trying to push through (because I thought it was the right thing) and my ego working to protect me by quitting. And if I quit from this moment, this place…it would have been self-protection.

But amongst all the internal noise I did the deep work of understanding myself. And slow the whispers became audible — and eventually undeniable.

A quiet internal knowing:
“You’re done here.”

The decision felt terrifying and relieving in the same breath.

Like stepping off a ledge and exhaling for the first time in years.

How You Know When Quitting Is Self-Realization

Looking back at that moment in my life, I can see the difference clearly:

1. Fear shrinks your world.

Truth expands it.

Fear-based quitting makes your life smaller — fewer risks, fewer challenges, fewer versions of yourself.

Truth-based quitting opens the door to more of your potential.

2. Fear feels tight.

Truth feels spacious.

Fear-based quitting feels like:

• contraction

• shame

• hiding

• heaviness

Truth-based quitting feels like:

• relief

• clarity

• breath

• possibility

3. Fear avoids the moment.

Truth moves toward something real.

Fear-based quitting says:
“I don’t want to feel this discomfort.”

Truth-based quitting says:
“I want to live in alignment with who I’m becoming.”

4. Fear keeps you stuck.

Truth moves you forward.

Fear-based quitting is a retreat.
Truth-based quitting is a transition.

One closes you off.
The other opens you up.

The Identity Problem Nobody Talks About

The hardest part of quitting isn’t the decision.

It’s letting go of the identity you built around the old version of yourself.

That’s what college coaching was for me:

• a symbol of who I thought I was

• the dream younger me committed to

• a role I was proud to occupy

• a place to anchor my worth and belonging in this world

Walking away felt like betraying that younger self…it felt like death.

But the truth was the opposite:

Quitting wasn’t abandoning who I was.
It was becoming who I am.

Life isn’t about staying loyal to old dreams.
It’s about staying loyal to your present truth.

The Skill Is Knowing Which Quit Is Happening

When life puts you at a crossroads, the two forms of quitting feel identical:

• both come with fear

• both trigger uncertainty

• both disrupt identity

• both require courage

• both feel heavy

But the signals are different.

Here are the questions that matter:

1. Is this decision shrinking me or freeing me?

2. Am I avoiding discomfort or moving toward alignment?

3. Does my body feel tight… or relieved?

4. Am I protecting a fragile identity or honoring a new one?

5. Am I stepping out of fear — or stepping into truth?

Your answer to those questions will tell you everything.

Not All Quitting Is Weakness

Sometimes Quitting Is Wisdom.

Some quitting is collapse.

Some quitting is evolution.

Fear-based quitting protects you from pain.
Truth-based quitting invites you into authenticity.

One keeps you small.
One pulls you forward.

The work is learning to tell the difference.

And when you do?

You stop being afraid of endings —
because you realize every honest ending is the beginning of a more aligned life.

If This Hit Home — Here’s Your Next Step

If you’re standing at a crossroads…
If you’re wrestling with resistance…
If you’re tired of not knowing the difference between fear and truth…

Then this is exactly the work we do inside the 8-Week LFP Training Group.

It’s where you rebuild connection to your body through training and build your internal leadership — so you can make decisions from truth, not fear… and live the life your current identity has been blocking.

8 Weeks.
A small, supportive group of men.
A proven framework.
And a chance to realign your life from the inside out.

If you want in, send me a message or click here to schedule a call.

You don’t have to navigate this transition alone.

Curiosity, Consistency, and the Slow Art of Building Something Real.

Why the Secure Engine Always Outperforms the Insecure One

Training B.V. tonight gave me one of those moments coaches quietly file away — the kind you return to because they reveal something true about human growth.

We were in the middle of the session when he said:

“Thanksgiving break was nice, and it got me reflecting on the last year of training.
I’ve made great gains… and I’m just really curious what type of size I can add in the next year.
I’m stoked for it.”

There was something powerful in the way he said curious.

It wasn’t anxious curiosity — the kind driven by insecurity, comparison, or self-judgment.
It was grounded. Calm. Honest. Energized.
It was the kind of curiosity that comes from a Secure Engine — the internal source that moves a person forward because they want to explore what’s possible, not because they’re trying to fix or prove anything.

You can hear secure curiosity.
But more importantly, you can feel it in how someone embodies their goals.

And that energy is everything.

Growth Doesn’t Start With Intensity — It Starts With Consistency

A lot of men think progress starts with the perfect program, the perfect split, the perfect macros, the perfect supplement stack.

It doesn’t.

It starts with showing up.

And B.V. had that long before he came to me.
He had the first lever already in place — Consistency.

He trained regularly.
He took care of himself.
He built the habit through discipline.
He didn’t chase shortcuts.

He had the base.

That matters, because nothing meaningful can be built on inconsistency.
You can’t amplify what you don’t repeat.

The Next Lever: Quality

Once a person is consistent, the next lever becomes Quality.

That’s the piece we dialed in over the last year.

We didn’t reinvent the wheel.
We didn’t throw advanced protocols at him.
We didn’t chase novelty for novelty’s sake.

We rebuilt his foundation with better inputs:

• a smarter training split

• better volume distribution

• more effective exercise selection

• hitting adequate protein

• hitting adequate calories

• aligning training stress with recovery capacity

The difference wasn’t dramatic… but it was precise.
Quality doesn’t require complexity.
It requires alignment.

And once consistency and quality lock into place?

The system compounds.

Everyone Wants the Advanced Phase — Few Earn It

This is where most people get stuck.

They want the “fun stuff”:

• specialization blocks

• advanced hypertrophy cycles

• complex periodization

• high-level techniques

• precision-based nutrition phases

But they try to jump there before they’ve built anything for those strategies to work on.

So they hop from program to program.
They chase novelty.
They abandon their routine every four weeks.
And because the foundation is unstable, the structure never grows.

They mistake movement for progress.
They mistake complexity for quality.
They mistake intensity for consistency.

And a year goes by where they’ve “worked hard”…
but never moved forward.

Curiosity + Consistency + Quality = Compounding

What makes B.V.’s progress so powerful is the energy behind it.

Curiosity.

Not ego.
Not self-criticism.
Not desperation.
Not performative motivation.
Not fear of falling behind.

Just:

“I wonder what I’m capable of.”

That kind of curiosity is sustainable.
It doesn’t burn a person out.
It doesn’t create pressure.
It doesn’t demand perfection.
It invites exploration.

Combine that curiosity with consistency and quality — and you get a structure that grows year after year, not week after week.

This is how a man goes from:

• wanting change →

• to compounding change →

• to becoming the kind of person who quietly builds something strong over a decade.

This Is the Secure Engine at Work

In my framework, I differentiate between two primary fuels:

Insecure Fuel
Fear, shame, comparison, self-doubt, pressure.
It gets a person started… but it’s not stable, and not sustainable.

Secure Fuel

Curiosity, clarity, intention, purpose, identity.
It gets a person started and it keeps them going.

The insecure engine will burn a person out.
The secure engine will build a life worth living.

And B.V.’s comment tonight was a reflection of exactly that shift —
training not to outrun something behind him,
but to explore the possibility in front of him.

That’s why he’ll keep making progress.
Not because the training is perfect…
but because the foundation is.

Consistency.
Quality.
Time.
Curiosity.

That’s the formula.

Not sexy.
Not flashy.
Not complicated.

But effective.
Durable.
Repeatable.
And true.

If reading this sparked your own curiosity — if you found yourself wondering what your next year of progress could look like with consistency, quality, and the right structure — I’m leading a 10-week training group starting February 1, 2026.

It’s built for men who want to grow from a secure place, not from pressure or perfectionism. People who want to train with purpose, build durable habits, and see what compounds over 10 intentional weeks. Jump on a quick 15 minute call to see if it’s right for you.

Discipline Must Be Earned

And Why Most Men Never Build the Kind That Lasts

Most men believe discipline is something you either have or don’t.

They look at the men who wake up early, train consistently, eat with intention, and stay committed, and think:

“He’s just built different.”
“I guess I’m not a disciplined guy.”
“Something’s wrong with me.”

But discipline isn’t a personality trait.
It’s a skill.

And like any skill it must be earned.

It’s the natural result of learning how to navigate resistance (external & internal).

And most men only learned to Navigate by one route.

Navigation: The Missing Skillset in Men’s Lives

Every action you want to take — every behavior you need to achieve a desired outcome — must pass through resistance. And its usually the invisible kind: internal resistance.

Internal resistance shows up as:

• doubt

• shame

• guilt

• fear

• sadness

• overwhelm

• avoidance

• insecurity

• old stories

• old identity statements

• emotional residue

• ego defenses

Navigation is the skillset of moving through that resistance so you can take aligned action.

And here’s the part that changes everything:

There are two paths of Navigation:

1. Avoidance

2. Internal Leadership

And the path you choose determines the kind of discipline you build.

1. Navigation Through Avoidance

(The Path Most Men Travel)

Avoidance is the form of navigation men learn earliest and most powerfully.

It looks like:

• shove it down

• numb it out

• push through

• don’t feel

• don’t think

• don’t ask

• don’t express

• just grind

Avoidance is a form of navigation — it moves you through resistance quickly.

In fact, avoidance can lead you into short bursts of discipline fast:

• You feel fear? Bury it, then act.

• You feel shame? Ignore it, then push harder.

• You feel doubt? Suppress it, then sprint.

This works.

Until it doesn’t.

Because what you resist doesn’t disappear — it stores.

These types of thoughts, feelings, and emotions don’t evaporate.
They accumulate.

Avoidance creates:

• pressure

• tightness

• heaviness

• anxiety (worry about the future)

• unpredictable outbursts

• internal disconnection

• a collapsing sense of self-worth

Eventually the storage overflows — spilling into your relationships, habits, health, energy, and identity.

Avoidance can get you into discipline.
But it can never keep you there.

It’s discipline in the form of a sand castle. It will wash away.

2. Navigation Through Internal Leadership

(The Path That Builds Sustainable Discipline)

Internal Leadership is the other — less comfortable — path.

It’s slower.
It’s messier.
It’s emotionally inconvenient.
It forces you to meet what you’ve avoided for years.

But it’s the only path that builds discipline that lasts.

It follows five steps:

Recognition

Seeing the resistance clearly — naming the emotion, the pattern, the story, the sensation.

Ownership

Accepting what you’re feeling - because it make sense.

Direction

Deciding what aligned action is needed, and why it matters.

Execution

Taking one grounded, conscious step through the resistance.

Integration

Reflecting on what happened, learning from it, and letting the emotional charge release.

This path doesn’t push resistance down — it moves through it.

And here’s the key:

What you meet, you release.

What you release, you don’t have to face with the same intensity again.

Internal Leadership lowers the emotional voltage of your internal resistance.

Every rep:

• reduces the friction

• heals the old wiring

• strengthens the new wiring

• makes aligned action easier

• makes discipline more stable

This is discipline that doesn’t require white-knuckling.
It’s discipline that comes from integration — not suppression.

The Two Paths Compared

Navigation → Avoidance → Fast Discipline → Collapse

• quick

• intense

• impressive

• fragile

• unsustainable

• emotionally expensive

Navigation → Internal Leadership → Slow Discipline → Sustainable Discipline

• uncomfortable

• honest

• grounding

• emotionally intelligent

• identity-building

• sustainable

Avoidance gives you speed.
Internal Leadership gives you staying power.

Avoidance gives you short-term execution.
Internal Leadership gives you long-term evolution.

Avoidance produces bursts of effort.
Internal Leadership produces consistency.

Why Men Think They’re Failing

Men assume they lack discipline because they can’t sustain it.

But they’re not failing — their strategy is.

They’re relying on the only navigation strategy they were ever taught:
avoid, suppress, push.

The body can only carry that for so long.

Once it runs out of room, men assume they’re broken.

But they’re not broken — they’re overflowing.

They don’t need more grit.
They need a new internal strategy.

This Is How You Actually Earn Discipline

1. Notice when you’re bypassing resistance by avoiding it - you’ll feel it in your body or hear it in your head.

Recognition.

2. Instead of ignoring the feeling, name it. And validate it - “that makes sense i’m feeling that way.”

Ownership.

3. Ask yourself what aligned action actually looks like.

Direction.

4. Take one grounded step — not a heroic leap.

Execution.

5. Reflect on how the resistance shifted after the action.

Integration.

Repeat.

Discipline is not built through pressure.
It’s built through presence.

The Truth Men Need to Hear

You don’t build discipline by avoiding your internal world.

You build discipline by learning to navigate it.

Avoidance will get you through a few storms.
Internal Leadership will teach you how to captain the ship.

Avoidance gives you discipline that looks strong.
Internal Leadership gives you discipline that is strong.

Avoidance stores your pain.
Internal Leadership releases it.

Avoidance protects you.
Internal Leadership transforms you.

If this resonated with you, I’m putting together a 10 week men’s training group starting February 1, 2026. You’ll rebuild your body from the inside-out…using Internal Leadership to navigate the resistance that’s holding you back. Schedule a call with me to find out more.

“I’m Just an All or Nothing Guy.”

And How That Sentence Quietly Ruins Progress

I hear this one a lot.

In the gym.
During intake calls.
In nutrition conversations.
In moments when someone feels exposed and wants a quick way to retreat.

And the other morning, I heard it again.

The Story

Another trainer asked his client, “How much water have you been getting recently?”

“Three LaCroix’s max,” he said.

My client, who was stretching next to me, asked me quietly:
“How much should we be getting?”

“Half your bodyweight in ounces,” I told him.

Then the other client added:
“I tried carrying around a gallon for a week, but I couldn’t do it.”

And then he dropped the line:
“I’m just an all-or-nothing guy.”

A clean, polished identity statement.

Short.
Simple.
Confident.
And incredibly limiting.

I hear men make this statement often.
It always makes me slow down, tilt my head a little, and get curious.

Behind that sentence is an entire internal world — and usually a lot of unprocessed resistance.

So let’s break it down.

1. Identity or Defense?

When a man says:

“I’m all-or-nothing”

…is that really true?

Or is it a defense?

Most of the time, I find it’s a shield disguised as an identity.

It sounds like:

• “This is just who I am.”

• “It’s part of my wiring.”

• “I can’t help it.”

But underneath, it usually means:

• “I’m protecting myself from the discomfort of failing.”

• “I’m afraid of feeling incompetent.”

• “If I say I’m ‘all-or-nothing,’ I never have to face the shame of ‘not enough.’”

• “Perfect or quit is safer than slow and uncertain.”

All-or-nothing lets you avoid the vulnerability of being a beginner.
It lets you avoid the identity friction that comes with growth.
It lets you avoid the feelings that surface when change gets hard.

That’s not truth. That’s not identity.

It’s armor.

And as with all armor — it protects you, but it also restricts you.

2. How Does This Identity Hold Him Back?

If “all-or-nothing” is your identity…

Most days?
Become nothing.

Why?

Because:

• Most days you can’t be 100%

• Most days don’t provide perfect conditions.

• Most days require what you’ve got, not everything you can give

• Most days don’t give you the emotional spike needed to go “all.”

So the identity effectively writes permission slips that say:

“If I can’t do it perfectly, I don’t have to do it at all.”

That destroys:

• consistency

• momentum

• agency

• resilience

• capacity

The man who is “all-or-nothing” is rarely in motion.

He is waiting.
Waiting for perfect days.
Waiting for perfect motivation.
Waiting for the stars to align.

And during the waiting, nothing changes.

3. How Does This Identity Help Him?

Because here’s the thing:

All identities help us in some way.
Even the ones that hold us back more often.

So what does “all-or-nothing” give a man?

• Intensity — when he goes “all,” he really does go all.

• Control — perfection feels safe.

• Predictability — he knows the rules.

• Escape — he can quit without having to confront deeper emotional resistance.

• Protection — he avoids the vulnerability of slow progress.

• Self-worth hits — short bursts of big effort feel heroic.

“All-or-nothing” often creates big moments…

But almost never creates meaningful change.

Because real change requires the small, steady behaviors that don’t look impressive at all — they just work.

The Hidden Cost of All-or-Nothing: Emotional Avoidance

All-or-nothing protects you from internal resistance.

It shields you from:

• shame

• fear

• sadness

• anger

• insecurity

• vulnerability

But that protection comes at a price:

You never develop the skill to navigate those emotions.

You never learn:

• how to feel discomfort and move through it

• how to take small steps without judging them

• how to act before you feel ready

• how to keep going when the emotional high is gone

You never learn Self-Leadership.

And without Self-Leadership, behavior change is almost impossible.

The Problem Isn’t The Identity — It’s Attachment

Identity isn’t the enemy.

Attachment to a it is.

There are moments where “all-or-nothing” is useful:

• The sprint phase of a project

• A focused training block

• A short-term challenge

• A deep push toward a deadline

• A season where intensity creates breakthrough

Intensity is a tool.

But the problem is when intensity becomes identity — and identity becomes a trap.

A healthy human isn’t all-or-nothing.

A healthy human is adaptable.

Sometimes you need the sprint.
Sometimes you need the walk.
Sometimes you need the rest.
Sometimes you need the messy middle.
Sometimes you need good-enough.
Sometimes you need “just 10% today.”

All-or-nothing is too narrow for a full, well-lived life.

A high-performing life is not built in extremes.
It’s built in the flexibility between them. And the awareness to know when to use them.

The Reframe: From All-or-Nothing → Something-or-Nothing

Change doesn’t require perfection.

It requires something.

One aligned action.
One small step.
One rep.
One honest choice.
One tiny moment of self-leadership.

The man who grows is not the one who waits until he can go “all in.”

It’s the man who consistently chooses something over nothing.

Then you become a man of consistency, a man who gets shit done. Period. Not a man of inconsistency, who gets all things done or none things done.

Final Thought

Fixed identity statements sound powerful…

…but they often hide the very patterns that keep you stuck.

The goal is not to be “all-or-nothing.”
It’s not to be perfect, intense, or always dialed in.

The goal is to be flexible.
Adaptable.
Honest.
Responsive.
Self-led.

Sometimes life calls for a sprint.
Sometimes life calls for a walk.
The wisdom is knowing which one is required — and being willing to switch.

Because the men who change their lives are not the ones who get it perfect.

They’re the ones who learn to stay in action.

If you are a man who needs help shifting this identity for his health and fitness, lets talk.