The 4 Stages of Change

And Why Most People Never Leave the First One

Most people think change is about willpower.

Or discipline.
Or motivation.
Or finding the “right program.”

But after years of coaching humans through health, fitness, careers, life events, and identity shifts, I’ve learned something simpler — and harder — than all of that:

Most people don’t fail at change.
They never actually enter it.

They think they’re navigating change…
when they’re really just drifting with better intentions.

Why “Trying Harder” Rarely Works

When someone tells me they’re stuck, it’s almost never because they don’t know what to do.

They know they should:

• train more consistently

• eat better

• sleep more

• drink less

• manage stress

• move their body

• take care of themselves

The issue isn’t information.

The issue is leadership.

Specifically:
the lack of Internal Leadership when resistance shows up.

That’s where the 4 Stages of Change actually live.

Not as a linear ladder.
Not as permanent states.
But as fluid conditions you move in and out of over a lifetime.

Stage 1: Drifting

Drifting is the unconscious stage.

Life is happening to you, not through you.

Choices are driven by:

• emotional states

• stress

• fatigue

• conditioned beliefs

• habits

• momentum

• other people’s expectations

There’s no active leadership here.
Just reaction.

This is where a lot of men quietly end up after big life changes.

A common example:
A man becomes a father.
Or takes on a demanding career.
Or both.

At first, there’s intention:
“I’ll still train.”
“I’ll still take care of myself.”
“I won’t let this slip.”

But slowly:

• workouts get skipped

• food choices become reactive

• sleep erodes

• alcohol creeps up

• energy drops

• identity shifts without being acknowledged

Nothing dramatic happens.
No big failure.
No collapse.

Just drift.

And the dangerous part?

Drifting doesn’t feel wrong at first.
It feels normal.

Stage 2: Navigation

Navigation is where awareness begins.

This is where someone says:
“Something needs to change.”

Usually it shows up around:

• weight gain

• pain

• fatigue

• low energy

• frustration

• feeling disconnected from themselves

This is the stage most people think they’re in.

But here’s the hard truth:

Recognition is not navigation.

It’s only step one. Awareness alone feels like progress.
It feels productive.
It feels responsible.

But without action — it’s still drifting with better language.

Navigation requires learning how to move through resistance.

And there are two kinds of resistance that must be navigated:

External Resistance

• time

• work demands

• kids’ schedules

• travel

• fatigue

• life logistics

These are real.
They matter.
But they’re rarely the true blocker.

Internal Resistance

• thoughts

• emotions

• beliefs

• avoidance

• self-talk

• shame

• fear

• “I don’t feel like it”

• “This isn’t the right time”

This is where most people stall.

Instead of navigating internal resistance, they blame external resistance.

And so they stay stuck — thinking they’re navigating change when they’re actually still drifting.

Stage 3: Discipline

Discipline is not force.

It’s not white-knuckling.
It’s not motivation.
It’s not intensity.

Discipline emerges when Internal Leadership becomes efficient.

This is what that looks like in real life:

You feel resistance…
and you move anyway.

Not blindly.
Not aggressively.
Consciously and quickly.

The gap between:
“I don’t feel like it”
and
“I’m doing it”
gets smaller.

Recognition and action collapse into the same moment.

That’s discipline.

It’s not about overpowering yourself.
It’s about leading yourself through resistance quickly and honestly.

And discipline is never permanent.

It’s a capacity you access — not a trait you possess.

Stage 4: Identity

This is the low to no friction stage.

Behaviors no longer feel like chores.
They feel like expressions of who you are.

Training becomes routine.
Nutrition becomes rhythm.
Movement becomes part of life.

But here’s the mistake people make:

They assume identity is permanent.

It’s not.

Identity shifts when life shifts.

Becoming a father shifts identity.
Career growth shifts identity.
Aging shifts identity.
Injury shifts identity.

Identity doesn’t usually regress — it evolves.

And when it evolves, Internal Leadership is required again to realign behavior with values and direction.

Without that leadership?
Drift returns.

The Through-Line: Internal Leadership

Internal Leadership is the skill that connects all four stages.

It’s what allows you to:

• recognize drift early

• enter navigation honestly

• build discipline consciously

• express identity sustainably

And most importantly:

Internal Leadership is what brings you back into navigation when life knocks you back into drift.

Because it will.
That’s not failure.
That’s being human.

The difference between men who stay aligned over decades…
and men who repeatedly “start over”…

…isn’t motivation.

It’s the ability to lead themselves internally when circumstances change.

The Real Work of Change

Lasting change isn’t about staying disciplined forever.

It’s about developing the skill to notice when you’re drifting —
and the courage to step back into navigation without shame.

Again.
And again.
And again.

That’s the work.

Not perfection.
Not intensity.
Not willpower.

Internal Leadership.

And that’s what makes change sustainable —
not just for a season, but for a life.