The Self-Leadership Framework in Action
How One Commitment, One Holiday, and One Conversation Show What Real Change Looks Like
I’m two weeks into guiding H.P. through The Self-Leadership Framework.
She’s been an in-person client of mine for over two years, and for the last 18 months she’s been dealing with nerve-related pain—real, life-disrupting pain—without a clear diagnosis yet. You can imagine the frustration. It’s touched every area of her life. It’s narrowed her world. It’s made even simple days hard.
But here’s what makes her unique:
She came to me not looking for pity, but with Awareness.
She said, essentially:
“I can’t control everything about this pain. But I can control the things that influence it.”
And one of those things was her nutrition—specifically, going gluten-free again.
That’s where the Self-Leadership Practice begins.
Macro-Level Self-Leadership: Reclaiming What You Can Control
1. Awareness
Her starting point was simple and powerful:
“My pain is limiting my life. I need to take responsibility for the things I can influence.”
No blame.
No denial.
Just reality (and the glimmer of Ownership)
2. Curiosity
We explored:
What role does gluten play in her inflammation?
What changes when she removes it?
And more importantly:
Why did she stray from gluten-free eating in the first place?
Curiosity unearths the invisible forces (resistance) behind behavior.
3. Clarity
Clarity is where intention becomes a commitment.
Her statement:
“I am committed to consuming gluten zero times in the next 45 days.”
Then she wrote down 7–10 reasons why this commitment mattered.
These reasons become fuel when resistance shows up—which it always does.
We organized them:
Secure motivations first
Insecure motivations second
Not because insecure reasons are useless—sometimes they’re the “break glass in case of emergency” backup generator—but because we don’t want to reinforce them as the primary drivers of action.
Secure energy sustains.
Insecure energy exhausts.
4. Ownership
This is the stage where you have to be radically honest with yourself. Take full responsibility for the actions you haven’t been taking, the real reasons why, and navigate the discomfort that arises around it.
Ownership is the bridge between clarity and action.
5. Action
Action is where transformation happens—not in grand gestures, but in the ordinary, daily decisions:
Breakfast. Lunch. Dinner.
Yes/no.
This or that.
Is this aligned with my commitment or not?
That’s the macro-level Self-Leadership loop.
But real life rarely happens at the macro level.
Real life happens in micro moments.
Which brings us to Thanksgiving week.
Micro-Level Self-Leadership: When Real Life Walks Through the Door
Thanksgiving is a perfect storm for resistance:
Family in town
Busy schedules
Social expectations
Traditions
Foods that come once a year
Emotional baggage that comes despite your best effort
So I asked her:
“Have you decided how you’re going to navigate Thanksgiving?
Will you honor your commitment, or will you give yourself permission because it’s a holiday?”
To me, it makes no difference whether she eats gluten or avoids it.
What matters is that she chooses consciously.
With Ownership.
Not default.
Not autopilot.
Not “I guess.”
Her initial response?
“I think I might try to avoid the gluten foods.”
Notice the language:
I think…
I might…
That’s indecision disguised as intention.
So we stayed Curious.
Awareness → Curiosity → Clarity → Ownership → Action
Awareness
Thanksgiving is coming.
Gluten will be everywhere.
Resistance is guaranteed.
Curiosity
What resistance is showing up?
External resistance:
The logistics of making separate foods
Limited stove space
Family dynamics
Holiday chaos
Internal resistance:
Fear of asking for what she needs
Fear of being “too much” or “inconvenient”
Fear of judgment
Fear of advocating for herself
Now we’re getting somewhere.
Clarity
We revisit:
Her commitment
Her secure reasons why
Clarity reactivates the intention.
Ownership + Action
Now we map solutions:
Stuffing:
“My mom used to make me a gluten-free version…”
“Is this something you can ask her to do?”
(And here’s the side note: asking for your needs to be met is often scarier than saying no to a food. Both she and I share this wiring.)
She pauses.
“Yes. And it’s a great opportunity to strengthen advocating for myself.”
Bread:
Found a new gluten-free bakery in town, near her house.
Solution locked.
Gravy:
“The stove is full… it’s another pan… it’s a lot to ask…”
That’s the external resistance.
“What’s underneath that?”
“…Okay, maybe some fear around asking for that on top of the stuffing.”
There it is.
“Do you want to lean into that, or find another solution?”
“I could just make it ahead of time and reheat it.”
Perfect.
The goal is not to fight every dragon.
The goal is to move forward with agency, consciously.
In this one conversation, she practiced:
Emotional awareness
Curiosity
Honest reflection
Self-advocacy
Boundary setting
Problem-solving
Ownership
Action aligned with her commitment
That’s Self-Leadership in real time.
This Is What Real Change Looks Like
Not motivational speeches.
Not discipline hacks.
Not morning routines or 5AM alarms.
But a human sitting across from me, learning to:
See her resistance
Name it
Understand it
Choose her response
Communicate her needs
And act with integrity
This is the work.
And here’s the final, most important truth:
Whether she navigates the resistance successfully or unsuccessfully, we win.
Because every outcome is an opportunity:
If she follows through → she strengthens her identity.
If she doesn’t → we learn where the resistance holds the most power, and why.
This is not about perfection.
It’s about practice.
Self-Leadership is not a finish line.
It’s a skill.
A muscle.
A daily way of relating to yourself and your life.
And watching her put it into practice—macro and micro—is the clearest illustration of why this framework works.
If you need help this holiday season with aligning your actions with the outcomes you’re after then Start Here.