“I’m Just an All or Nothing Guy.”

And How That Sentence Quietly Ruins Progress

I hear this one a lot.

In the gym.
During intake calls.
In nutrition conversations.
In moments when someone feels exposed and wants a quick way to retreat.

And the other morning, I heard it again.

The Story

Another trainer asked his client, “How much water have you been getting recently?”

“Three LaCroix’s max,” he said.

My client, who was stretching next to me, asked me quietly:
“How much should we be getting?”

“Half your bodyweight in ounces,” I told him.

Then the other client added:
“I tried carrying around a gallon for a week, but I couldn’t do it.”

And then he dropped the line:
“I’m just an all-or-nothing guy.”

A clean, polished identity statement.

Short.
Simple.
Confident.
And incredibly limiting.

I hear men make this statement often.
It always makes me slow down, tilt my head a little, and get curious.

Behind that sentence is an entire internal world — and usually a lot of unprocessed resistance.

So let’s break it down.

1. Identity or Defense?

When a man says:

“I’m all-or-nothing”

…is that really true?

Or is it a defense?

Most of the time, I find it’s a shield disguised as an identity.

It sounds like:

• “This is just who I am.”

• “It’s part of my wiring.”

• “I can’t help it.”

But underneath, it usually means:

• “I’m protecting myself from the discomfort of failing.”

• “I’m afraid of feeling incompetent.”

• “If I say I’m ‘all-or-nothing,’ I never have to face the shame of ‘not enough.’”

• “Perfect or quit is safer than slow and uncertain.”

All-or-nothing lets you avoid the vulnerability of being a beginner.
It lets you avoid the identity friction that comes with growth.
It lets you avoid the feelings that surface when change gets hard.

That’s not truth. That’s not identity.

It’s armor.

And as with all armor — it protects you, but it also restricts you.

2. How Does This Identity Hold Him Back?

If “all-or-nothing” is your identity…

Most days?
Become nothing.

Why?

Because:

• Most days you can’t be 100%

• Most days don’t provide perfect conditions.

• Most days require what you’ve got, not everything you can give

• Most days don’t give you the emotional spike needed to go “all.”

So the identity effectively writes permission slips that say:

“If I can’t do it perfectly, I don’t have to do it at all.”

That destroys:

• consistency

• momentum

• agency

• resilience

• capacity

The man who is “all-or-nothing” is rarely in motion.

He is waiting.
Waiting for perfect days.
Waiting for perfect motivation.
Waiting for the stars to align.

And during the waiting, nothing changes.

3. How Does This Identity Help Him?

Because here’s the thing:

All identities help us in some way.
Even the ones that hold us back more often.

So what does “all-or-nothing” give a man?

• Intensity — when he goes “all,” he really does go all.

• Control — perfection feels safe.

• Predictability — he knows the rules.

• Escape — he can quit without having to confront deeper emotional resistance.

• Protection — he avoids the vulnerability of slow progress.

• Self-worth hits — short bursts of big effort feel heroic.

“All-or-nothing” often creates big moments…

But almost never creates meaningful change.

Because real change requires the small, steady behaviors that don’t look impressive at all — they just work.

The Hidden Cost of All-or-Nothing: Emotional Avoidance

All-or-nothing protects you from internal resistance.

It shields you from:

• shame

• fear

• sadness

• anger

• insecurity

• vulnerability

But that protection comes at a price:

You never develop the skill to navigate those emotions.

You never learn:

• how to feel discomfort and move through it

• how to take small steps without judging them

• how to act before you feel ready

• how to keep going when the emotional high is gone

You never learn Self-Leadership.

And without Self-Leadership, behavior change is almost impossible.

The Problem Isn’t The Identity — It’s Attachment

Identity isn’t the enemy.

Attachment to a it is.

There are moments where “all-or-nothing” is useful:

• The sprint phase of a project

• A focused training block

• A short-term challenge

• A deep push toward a deadline

• A season where intensity creates breakthrough

Intensity is a tool.

But the problem is when intensity becomes identity — and identity becomes a trap.

A healthy human isn’t all-or-nothing.

A healthy human is adaptable.

Sometimes you need the sprint.
Sometimes you need the walk.
Sometimes you need the rest.
Sometimes you need the messy middle.
Sometimes you need good-enough.
Sometimes you need “just 10% today.”

All-or-nothing is too narrow for a full, well-lived life.

A high-performing life is not built in extremes.
It’s built in the flexibility between them. And the awareness to know when to use them.

The Reframe: From All-or-Nothing → Something-or-Nothing

Change doesn’t require perfection.

It requires something.

One aligned action.
One small step.
One rep.
One honest choice.
One tiny moment of self-leadership.

The man who grows is not the one who waits until he can go “all in.”

It’s the man who consistently chooses something over nothing.

Then you become a man of consistency, a man who gets shit done. Period. Not a man of inconsistency, who gets all things done or none things done.

Final Thought

Fixed identity statements sound powerful…

…but they often hide the very patterns that keep you stuck.

The goal is not to be “all-or-nothing.”
It’s not to be perfect, intense, or always dialed in.

The goal is to be flexible.
Adaptable.
Honest.
Responsive.
Self-led.

Sometimes life calls for a sprint.
Sometimes life calls for a walk.
The wisdom is knowing which one is required — and being willing to switch.

Because the men who change their lives are not the ones who get it perfect.

They’re the ones who learn to stay in action.

If you are a man who needs help shifting this identity for his health and fitness, lets talk.