My Coaching Process

How I Rebuilt My Life — And How I Help Men Rebuild Theirs
By Alex R. Hargrove

For a long stretch of my life, I felt like I was watching myself from the outside.

I was in my 30s, 40+ pounds overweight, disconnected from my body, numb in my mind, and frozen in my spirit. I had spent years teaching and coaching others, but somewhere along the way I drifted from myself. I didn’t recognize the man in the mirror — not physically, not emotionally, not at all.

And the worst part?
I didn’t know how to get back.

I wasn’t lacking information.
I wasn’t lacking support.
I was lacking capacity — not just physical capacity, but the internal capacity required to lead myself. I was stuck in old beliefs, old patterns, and an old identity. My body reflected that stuckness. My spirit reflected that resistance.

I didn’t need another plan.
I needed a process.

So I rebuilt myself the only way I knew how:
from the body up, one honest rep at a time.

I learned to set a clear direction.
Mine the deeper reasons behind my pursuit.
Identify the resistance instead of avoiding it.
Choose the right speed — consistency or intensity — based on the season I was in.
Track what mattered.
Test honestly.
Adjust with intention.

Most importantly, I used the pursuit of physical capacity as the doorway back into connection — with myself, my values, my truth, and with the man I was waiting to become.

This is the exact system I still use today.
It rebuilt me.
And it now rebuilds the men who come to me remotely — men who are capable but disconnected, who know they’re meant for more yet struggle to access that potential consistently.

This is not a one-time fix.
It’s not a PDF.
It’s not a 6-week challenge.

It’s a framework.
A practice.
A relationship.
A way of living in alignment with the man you’re trying to become.

What follows is exactly what you can expect when you work with me.

1. Set the Direction

Look Better. Feel Better. Perform Better.

Most men I coach once lived with clear direction — as athletes, competitors, or simply younger versions of themselves who felt capable and connected. But life has a way of blurring that clarity.

Setting direction reconnects you to the part of you that knows what you truly want, even if you haven’t said it out loud in years.

Not the polite goal.
Not the “I just want to get healthier” line.
The truth.

Your direction becomes the anchor.

Most men come to me wanting some combination of the same three outcomes: they want to look better, feel better, and perform better.

Action Step:
We start by getting crystal clear on exactly what your goals are. You’ll set 1–3 clear, concise, measurable targets.

2. Mine the Source

Why does this matter? What’s at stake? What part of you is asking for this?

Direction tells us where you want to go.
The source tells us why you’re going there — and why it matters enough to stay the course.

Most men skip this step. They set a goal but never explore the emotional truths underneath it. Without that truth, the goal collapses the moment life gets hard.

So we go deeper.

We uncover the real reasons this direction matters:

• Why now?

• Why this?

• What becomes possible if you commit?

• What continues suffering if you don’t?

• What part of you is asking for this change?

This is where we find the energy source behind your change.

There are two places men typically source their change from:

Insecure / Broken / Attached

When change is driven by insecurity, a search for worth, or clinging to an outdated identity, the pursuit becomes desperate and fragile. You push… until you crash.

Secure / Whole / Love

When change is rooted in connection, truth, and self-respect, the pursuit becomes stable, sustainable, and powerful. Resistance still comes — but you meet it with clarity instead of collapse.

Mining the source gives you the energy required to meet resistance and move through it, not be beaten down by it.

Action Step:
You’ll generate a list of 7+ why’s that sit underneath each goal. Some may be secure, some may be insecure — but all of them will serve a purpose on your path. When resistance arises, the energy behind these why’s becomes your power.

3. Identify the Resistance

What will get in the way — internally and externally?

Men don’t get stuck because they lack drive.
They get stuck because they’ve never learned how to work with resistance — especially the kind that lives inside them.

I separate resistance into two categories:

Internal Resistance

Everything that happens within you that pulls you off course.
It shows up in three forms:

1. Thoughts

The stories your ego or strategic self creates to avoid action.
“I’ll start Monday.”
“This isn’t the right time.”
“I’m too busy.”
They feel true, but they’re just protective strategies.

2. Emotions

Raw physical sensations in the body — heaviness, tightness, pressure, heat, softness.
These are biological signals, not problems.

3. Feelings

Your subjective interpretation of the thoughts + emotions.
“I feel unmotivated.”
“I feel overwhelmed.”
“I feel off.”
Feelings are meaning-making — and meaning drives behavior.

Internal resistance is not the enemy.
It’s information — often the part of you that learned how to protect you, even when those protections no longer serve you today.

External Resistance

The real-world friction: work, family, schedule, travel, environment, responsibilities.
This resistance isn’t personal — it’s logistical.

When you understand:

• what’s happening within you,

• what’s happening around you, and

• why, when, and how these patterns show up,

…you’re no longer blindsided by resistance.
You can work with it, navigate it, and move through it.

Naming resistance turns it from a wall into something workable.

Action Step:
Looking at your goals and why’s, you’ll predict the resistance you may encounter on the path — both internal and external. This is a starting point and a fluid process. You will return to this step many times as you encounter new resistance, new parts of yourself, and new seasons of life. The resistance may change — but the practices to navigate it won’t. Whatever arises, you’ll be ready.

4. Set the Speed

Consistency or Intensity?

Men who once felt like athletes tend to default to intensity — “go hard or don’t go at all.”
But intensity without consistency leads to burnout.
Consistency without intensity leads to stagnation.

Most men stuck in a disconnected season don’t know which one they need.

So we choose intentionally:

Consistency

Steady, honest effort that rebuilds trust in yourself.

Intensity

Strategic pushes that wake up your competitive edge and identity.

This breaks the all-or-nothing cycle that’s kept you stuck for years.

Action Step:
Looking at your goals and the demands of your life, you’ll decide the speed your change starts at. Are you going all in tomorrow on everything? Or are we taking it one action at a time? There’s no right or wrong answer — only what sets you up for success.

5. Set the Data

What gets measured gets managed.

Men who’ve been drifting — men who know they can do better but haven’t known how — respond extremely well to data because small wins build momentum and accountability.

Data gives clarity:

• You can’t hide from patterns.

• You can’t negotiate with reality.

• You can’t keep telling yourself stories that aren’t true.

Your job: report the data.
My job: interpret it and adjust your program accordingly.

This reconnects you to your body and effort in a way most men haven’t felt since they were last in alignment — often years or decades ago.

Action Step:
We’ll choose a few key metrics specific to your physical goals and track them daily. This might include objective data (calories, protein, weight, sleep) or subjective data (energy, mood, effort, stress).

6. Get the Details (Testing)

We establish your baseline.

Most men fear testing because it forces them to confront the gap between the man they remember being and the man they are today.

But the moment we establish a baseline, opportunity shows up — and ownership begins.

Testing is the moment you shift from:

hiding → owning
drifting → directing
wishing → leading

It’s where you stop avoiding reality and start shaping it.

Action Step:
Testing will be specific to your goals and take into account your training history, injury history, current physical capacity, and eating habits. It will range from body composition to overhead squats and anything in between that gives us a clear picture of where you’re starting and how to get where you want to go.

7. Deliver the Program

A white-glove, highly tailored, relational plan — built for your real life.

Men who once thrived with structure — in sports, school, or training — thrive again when that structure returns.

This is not a template.
It’s not a cookie-cutter plan.

It’s a living, breathing, evolving program built around:

• Your schedule

• Your responsibilities

• Your energy and recovery capacity

• Your injuries or limitations

• Your goals

• Your identity

• Your resistance patterns

• Your season of life

It evolves weekly, monthly, and quarterly as you grow.

Action Step:
This is where the real work begins. You start showing up for yourself — inside and out — on the path toward your goals.

High-Touch, Relational Support

This is where transformation actually happens.

Daily Check-Ins

Men who feel disconnected — from themselves, their bodies, or who they used to be — rarely talk about what’s happening inside them.
Daily check-ins help you reconnect and track the resistance that will arise.

Weekly Updates

This is where patterns reveal themselves — where you drift, avoid, push too hard, or hide.
We make sense of it. Then we plan and prepare.

Monthly Reviews

Men who once felt powerful need to see progress to believe in themselves again.
Monthly reviews renew that belief.

Quarterly Reviews

This is where identity shifts become undeniable.
Every quarter, you’re not the same man you were when you started.

Support AND Independence — Not Dependency

Men often pride themselves on independence — even when that independence is exactly what’s keeping them stuck.

This coaching relationship gives you:

• Support without smothering

• Accountability without pressure

• Guidance without control

• Structure without rigidity

• Relationship without dependency

By the time we’re done, you’ll have:

• A system

• A framework

• A sustainable training practice

• Emotional and physical capacity

• Self-leadership

• A deeper connection to yourself

• The ability to keep progressing for years

You’re not renting my discipline.
You’re building your own.

The Outcome

Rebuilt physical capacity.
Strengthened internal connection.
A more grounded, aligned, capable version of yourself.

We use training as the doorway.
We use resistance as the teacher.
We use data as the compass.
We use relationship as the anchor.

This process rebuilt me.
And it’s the process I use to help men rebuild — men who are ready to stop drifting and start leading themselves again.

If you’re ready to rebuild your capacity — physically, mentally, emotionally — this is the work.