When Goal Setting Becomes Avoidance in Disguise
How to know whether your ambition is genuine — or a socially acceptable way of running from yourself.
There’s a form of self-deception so subtle, so polished, and so socially rewarded that most people never recognize it:
Goal setting as avoidance.
It looks like ambition.
It looks like momentum.
It looks like growth.
But sometimes?
It’s camouflage.
The Hidden Pattern: When Goals Aren’t About Progress — They’re About Escape
People set big, shiny, impressive goals all the time:
run a marathon
start a business
cut body fat
get a certification
launch a podcast
make more money
And on the surface, it all looks like forward motion.
But internally, something else might be happening:
“If I chase THIS impressive thing over here, maybe no one (including me) will notice the real thing I’m avoiding over there.”
It’s:
productivity as distraction
self-development as a smokescreen
ambition as emotional avoidance
The goal becomes a hiding place — one the world applauds you for stepping into.
You get praised for being driven.
You get validated for being focused.
You get admired for “pushing yourself.”
But inside?
You’re running.
Why We Use Goals to Hide
The emotions most people avoid aren’t the loud, dramatic ones.
They’re the quiet, sticky ones:
shame
sadness
unresolved guilt
fear
embarrassment
grief
inadequacy
loneliness
disappointment
Goal setting can temporarily numb these emotions because it gives you something to chase — something to pour energy into — something that feels productive.
A big future goal lets you sprint past the discomfort of the present.
It feels like momentum.
But it’s actually distance:
distance from the real issue
distance from the truth you don’t want to name
distance from the part of yourself asking to be acknowledged
And eventually — inevitably — you arrive at the same stuck place:
You’ve built momentum in the wrong direction.
The Problem: Avoidance Doesn’t Disappear — It Accumulates
When a goal is rooted in avoidance, the motivation eventually burns out.
Because:
the goal didn’t come from truth
it came from fear
it came from emotional hiding
it came from the need to escape the present moment
You can’t build sustainable behavior on top of emotional avoidance.
Eventually:
the goal collapses
the energy fades
the identity cracks
the ignored emotions surface
the gap between who you are and who you pretend to be becomes too loud to ignore
And you’re left not only with the original discomfort —
but with the shame of “failing” the goal that was never aligned in the first place.
So How Do You Know If Your Goal Is Avoidance in Disguise?
Here are the testing questions — honest ones — that reveal the truth.
Use these as a personal audit:
1. Is this goal truly driven by desire — or by discomfort I don’t want to face?
Example:
“I want to lose 20 pounds”
vs
“I want to escape the shame I feel right now.”
2. Am I building toward the future — or sprinting away from the present?
Progress and avoidance can feel identical.
Your body knows the difference.
3. What emotion sits underneath my urgency?
If the emotion is:
shame
fear
grief
insecurity
…pause.
There’s something to meet before you move.
4. Would I still want this goal if no one could see me succeed?
External validation = avoidance’s favorite fuel.
5. Is this goal helping me become more myself — or helping me hide from myself?
The most important question of them all.
The Turn: When Goals Become Honest
A goal rooted in avoidance collapses.
A goal rooted in truth compounds.
An honest goal doesn’t help you escape who you are.
It helps you become who you are.
And here’s the most important part:
You don’t get aligned goals without first doing real awareness work.
This is where Internal Leadership comes in:
Recognize the resistance
Own the emotion without shame
Get Direction from truth, not avoidance
Execute one aligned action
Integrate the lesson
When your goals emerge from this place —
from clarity, not camouflage —
they stop being distractions…
…and start becoming your compass.
If This Hit Something in You — Here’s Your Next Step
If reading this stirred something —
if you suspect some of your goals are actually avoidance in disguise…
if you're tired of sprinting toward impressive things while hiding from uncomfortable truths…
This is exactly the work we do inside the 8-Week LFP Training Group.
It’s where you learn to:
uncover the real resistance beneath your goals
stop using ambition as an escape
build internal leadership so your goals actually come from truth
take aligned action instead of avoidance-driven action
rebuild your body and your identity from the inside out
This isn’t goal-setting.
This is self-honesty.
This is internal leadership.
This is becoming someone your goals can rely on.
If you want in — or you’re curious whether this is the right next step — send me a message or book a call.
Let’s get you moving toward truth, not away from it.