Why You Eat at Night (And What It Has to Do with Leadership)
A real conversation, a common pattern, and the deeper work beneath all of it.
Why Naming What You’re Experiencing Is the First Step Toward Changing It
I was folding towels at the gym today when another trainer — a guy with 20+ years in the game — said something that caught me.
“Man, I gotta stop eating like an asshole before going to bed. My weight is up, my sleep is off, and my body doesn’t feel great.”
Here’s what makes that statement powerful:
There is no lack of knowledge here.
There is no lack of awareness.
There is no hiding (consciously).
He knows exactly what’s happening and what the consequences are.
What he’s lacking isn’t information.
It’s leadership — Internal Leadership.
And as a coach (and as a man), it’s tempting to jump straight into “fixer mode.” Offer advice. Provide solutions. Start prescribing tips and habits.
But I didn’t.
Instead, I slowed the moment down.
I checked for understanding:
“Sounds like you’re noticing hunger at night and choosing foods that aren’t helping your sleep or your body. Do I have that right?”
Then validation and empathy:
“That’s a tough time of day to make good decisions, man. I’ve been in that phase — it’s not easy.”
And that alone did something important.
He got to name what he was experiencing.
Naming reduces the intensity. It gives shape to the resistance. It turns something fuzzy into something tangible.
He also got to feel understood — which removes the shame layer that often drives the very behaviors we want to change.
For some men, that moment is enough to create a shift that night.
This is one of the quiet powers inside the LFP Group — being seen, naming the resistance, feeling the weight lift as you are supported.
You cannot change what you cannot name.
Recognition always comes first.
Coaching With Consent
If this trainer had been my client, the coaching would have shifted here.
But the first step would not be giving advice.
The first step would be asking for clarity.
Most coaches, partners, and leaders skip this entirely — and that’s why people pull away or shut down.
I would have asked:
“What do you need right now?
Do you want to be heard?
Do you want advice?
Do you want curiosity into what’s driving this urge?
Or do you want some challenge around your thinking and actions?”
This question does something subtle but powerful:
It turns the conversation into a choice, not a correction.
And when you give people options, something interesting happens:
They usually become open to all of it.
But if you offer advice or challenge without permission (even as a coach), most people defend, justify, or emotionally withdraw. Their ego takes over. Their leadership shuts down.
So let’s assume the answer I hear 80% of the time:
“I’ll take whatever you’ve got. I just want to get back on track.”
This is the green light.
This is consent.
This is where coaching becomes partnership instead of pressure.
Leadership requires direction —
And direction drives the coaching decisions.
Why Most “Hunger” at Night Is Not Hunger at All
Once permission is established, we begin with curiosity, not correction.
Because what many people experience as “hunger” is often emotion wearing a hunger mask.
But we have to check the legitimacy of the experience first. So here’s where I begin:
“How long has this been happening?”
“What have dinners looked like lately?”
“Any changes in how much you’re eating?”
“What about during the day — skipping meals?”
“Any increase in activity or training volume recently?”
If intake is down…
If output is up…
If daily meals are inconsistent…
Then yes — the signal may actually be true hunger.
But when nothing has changed calorically?
It’s probably not hunger.
It’s internal resistance expressed through sensation (emotion).
So the questions shift:
“What else has been going on?”
“More stress? Tension? Sadness?”
“Any emotional events recently?”
“What happens in the hour before the urge to eat?”
“And what’s supposed to happen after?”
Because there is always a pattern.
Here’s a real example from dozens of clients — especially parents in their 30s and 40s:
Before the urge?
Bedtime routine with kids — chaotic, draining, overstimulating.
After the urge?
Time alone with their spouse — which can be comforting, but also activating if any unresolved tension exists.
So the body seeks regulation:
Sugars, carbs, snacks.
Not for energy.
For soothing.
This is emotional activation disguised as hunger.
You cannot out-discipline a problem you haven’t correctly identified.
Curiosity reveals the truth.
And truth makes strategy obvious.
How Leadership Turns Insight Into Aligned Action
Once we know what’s driving the behavior, we move to navigation — the actionable side of Internal Leadership.
There are only two paths:
1. Change the External Environment
This might mean…
removing trigger foods
rearranging the routine
adjusting evening structure
eating earlier
prepping satisfying dinners
This path is not weak.
It’s wise.
Reducing activation points is one of the simplest forms of leadership.
2. Change the Internal Environment
This is the deeper work — the Internal Leadership work.
It means:
recognizing the activation
naming the emotion
feeling the sensation
separating hunger from discomfort
choosing a response aligned with values
reinforcing identity through action
Most people fail not because they lack discipline…
but because they lack recognition + ownership + direction in the moments that matter.
One of the most powerful things about leadership is this:
When you understand the real driver of the behavior, the behavior loses its power.
What once felt like a compulsion becomes a decision.
This is what allows someone to say:
“I’m not actually hungry.
I’m stressed.
Or lonely.
Or bracing for tension.
And I know exactly what to do now.”
That’s Internal Leadership.
That’s aligned action.
That’s how people stop eating at night — not through control, but through clarity.
This Is the Work Inside the 8-Week LFP Group
Men don’t need more information.
They don’t need stricter rules.
They don’t need more discipline.
They need the skills of Internal Leadership:
Recognition → Ownership → Direction → Execution → Integration
They need a structure that exposes resistance.
A community that normalizes the struggle.
A framework that gives them tools.
And physical training that makes the resistance visible.
That’s what the 8-Week LFP Group is built for.
If you’re tired of knowing what to do but not consistently doing it…
If you want to understand why you keep getting stuck…
And if you’re ready to build a body — and an internal skill set — you can rely on for the rest of your life…
This is the place.
8 weeks.
10 men.
Internal Leadership + Physical Training.
Starts February 1st.
If you’re curious, message me “LFP” and I’ll send you the details.